told my ex bf I slept with someone else while we were broken up?

[parkerbrook]

I dated my ex in the summer for 2 months. we were both crazy about each other but we ended at the end of the summer. basically, the relationship didn't end very well and we ended without a ton of communication. he just dropped off the face of the earth, so I thought he was done with me and didn't care anymore. we just all of a sudden went zero contact. I backed off, because I thought he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I was SO upset and heartbroken, so I started looking for other people to date to get my mind off of him and try and move on with my life.

 

I met this new guy at school, eventually ended up sleeping with him, but ended it because I wasn't as into it as he was. I couldn't stop thinking about my ex, and it made me miss my ex even more. eventually, my ex reached out to me and we have been talking regularly. last night, he called me and asked if I had slept with anyone else while we weren't talking. I didn't want to lie to him, so I told him I did. he was SO upset by this, I've literally never seen him upset like this before. he could barely even talk to me after. I asked if he was mad, he said no but he wasn't happy with me.

 

what can I do here? I do regret seeing that other guy, but I honestly thought my ex didn't care about me and I thought he would never talk to me again. I explained all of this to my ex, but he's still upset... did I do something wrong?

[GoreSP]

How long between the time he completely stopped talking to you and contacted you again?

[parkerbrook]

How long between the time he completely stopped talking to you and contacted you again?

 

he finally reached out to me 2 months after we stopped talking

[ExpatInItaly]

last night, he called me and asked if I had slept with anyone else while we weren't talking. I didn't want to lie to him, so I told him I did. he was SO upset by this, I've literally never seen him upset like this before. he could barely even talk to me after. I asked if he was mad, he said no but he wasn't happy with me.

 

This is a red flag, OP.

 

You two were broken up and he disappeared. He has zero business asking if you have had sex with anyone since, and no reason to be angry that you did. What you do as a single woman is not his concern. His ego is bruised that you weren't sitting around waiting for him. In other words, the problem isn't you or your choice to have sex with another guy. The problem is him.

 

Stay away from guys like this. Take my word for it.

 

EDIT: This guy? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/662227-how-tell-if-i-m-only-woman-he-s-dating-updated-5.html

Edited November 1, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

[Simple Logic]

Soounds like you ex BF did not call you because he was pursuing another lady he liked better. When she rejected him he came running back to you and he expected you to be there waiting on the Mr Wonderful he thinks he is.

[GoreSP]

he finally reached out to me 2 months after we stopped talking

 

He completely stops talking to you for two months and is upset you assumed he ghosted you and are 'seeing' someone else?

F*** that guy...

[snowboy91]

what can I do here? I do regret seeing that other guy, but I honestly thought my ex didn't care about me and I thought he would never talk to me again. I explained all of this to my ex, but he's still upset... did I do something wrong?

 

In a word: No.

 

He disappeared from all contact for 2(ish?) months after a short relationship... what did he expect would happen after that? Is he expecting you to to just wait for him until he decides to finally get in contact at his leisure? Wow.

 

You did anything anyone would reasonably expect you to do given what you knew. As far as you knew, he was never contacting you again so you looked elsewhere. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. If he can't handle that then I just wouldn't contact him again.

[David33]

Agreed, do not date him again. Friends if you want but he will never forget it and will bring it up one day to try to make you feel like sh*t. He's insecure at best and manipulative at worst. Move on. GL

[d0nnivain]

Your mistake was answering his Q. Honesty is not always the best policy.

 

Faced with that Q from some guy who essentially ghosted you the proper response was: What I may or may not after done while you chose to be gone from my life is none of your business & it's intrusive of you to ask. If we getting back together I will be faithful to you but neither of our actions during the break up have any bearing on our compatibility. You done asking rude Qs that are none of your business?

He was a jerk for asking. You were naïve to answer. He has once again shown his true colors. Next!

[BaileyB]

Parkerbrook, your youth and inexperience is really showing here.

 

There is a reason why you broke up with this guy. You dated for two months, which is the blink of an eye... And during that time, he was not trustworthy and you were anxious and unhappy. Time and distance makes the heart grow fonder, but going back to this guy is a step backward, not forward...

 

As to the other guy - you did nothing wrong! You were single, you have the right to date or have sex with anyone you want. The fact that your ex boyfriend is upset about that is a HUGE RED FLAG - it is controlling and unreasonable.

 

Move forward, find a nice guy to date and you will really learn what it is to be loved. But, you have to raise your standards and require more from these men.

[BaileyB]

I’m not saying that he is abusive, but...

 

This is how unhealthy and abusive relationships start, Parkerbrook. The man acts like a jerk, the woman apologizes and tries to appease him. He then learns, she will tolerate this kind of poor behavior and he starts to manipulate and control different situations... add to this a pattern of on-again, off-again relationships with frequent break-ups and you have the making for a very unhealthy and potentially abusive relationship.

 

Be careful with this one. There is much better out there for you... go find it!

[Mrs._December]

what can I do here?

You can start by asking yourself why you'd willingly disrespect yourself by taking this jerk back when he literally dumped you and ghosted you.

 

Why would you be with someone capable of sinking to that level?

 

Are you under the mistaken impression that settling for someone this low is all you deserve in life?

[smackie9]

Your ex is a jerk...he was a jerk at the end of summer, and he is a jerk now. He would rather make your life miserable than date you again....kick him to the curb. IMO, if a guy gets all up in your biz when you were not seeing each other anymore, that's your cue to get rid of him.

 

 

 

You had every right to sleep, date, or hang out with any guy you so choose...you were not together. He had/has no say in what you do in your personal life as a single person.

[Redhead14]

I dated my ex in the summer for 2 months. we were both crazy about each other but we ended at the end of the summer. basically, the relationship didn't end very well and we ended without a ton of communication. he just dropped off the face of the earth, so I thought he was done with me and didn't care anymore. we just all of a sudden went zero contact. I backed off, because I thought he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I was SO upset and heartbroken, so I started looking for other people to date to get my mind off of him and try and move on with my life.

 

I met this new guy at school, eventually ended up sleeping with him, but ended it because I wasn't as into it as he was. I couldn't stop thinking about my ex, and it made me miss my ex even more. eventually, my ex reached out to me and we have been talking regularly. last night, he called me and asked if I had slept with anyone else while we weren't talking. I didn't want to lie to him, so I told him I did. he was SO upset by this, I've literally never seen him upset like this before. he could barely even talk to me after. I asked if he was mad, he said no but he wasn't happy with me.

 

what can I do here? I do regret seeing that other guy, but I honestly thought my ex didn't care about me and I thought he would never talk to me again. I explained all of this to my ex, but he's still upset... did I do something wrong?

 

It was none of his business what you did when you were broken up . . . you didn't have to lie but you didn't have to answer the question. A better response would have been "Nice talking to you again. I wish you all the best for the future. Gotta go".

 

And, I'm kinda wondering if he slept with anyone while you were broken up???? None of your business either, but I'd bet he did and thus the "projection" . . .

Edited November 2, 2018 by Redhead14

[BaileyB]

You didn't have to lie but you didn't have to answer the question. A better response would have been "Nice talking to you again. I wish you all the best for the future. Gotta go".

 

And, I'm kinda wondering if he slept with anyone while you were broken up???? None of your business either, but I'd bet he did ...

 

Lol. Completely agree.

 

I’m sure that he wasn’t celibate either after the breakup... it’s probably the reason why he ghosted you - he was either chasing or sleeping with another woman.

 

OP, if you want more for your life, you have to require more.

[Jamess1]

Your mistake was answering his Q. Honesty is not always the best policy.

 

Faced with that Q from some guy who essentially ghosted you the proper response was: What I may or may not after done while you chose to be gone from my life is none of your business & it's intrusive of you to ask. If we getting back together I will be faithful to you but neither of our actions during the break up have any bearing on our compatibility. You done asking rude Qs that are none of your business?

He was a jerk for asking. You were naïve to answer. He has once again shown his true colors. Next!

 

Toxic advice, ignore...

[Jamess1]

so I started looking for other people to date to get my mind off of him and try and move on with my life.

 

I met this new guy at school, eventually ended up sleeping with him,

 

.. did I do something wrong?

 

Telling him the truth was right.

 

Sleeping with people as a means of getting over your emotional problem was wrong. To guy it's a big deal,no matter what feminism tells you, to men sex is a special thing when he likes you. He interpreted sex with you as something special, something you did with him because you thought what you had together was something very special.

 

No he feels that there was nothing special, about him or whatever you shared, he was just a guy you f''cked like the next guy, and so on and so forth.

 

He will get over it, every guy goes through it, he will learn with time to just use girls for sex, with no strings attached...

 

Break up with him...

[BaileyB]

Sleeping with people as a means of getting over your emotional problem was wrong. To guy it's a big deal. He interpreted sex with you as something special, something you did with him because you thought what you had together was something very special.

 

He will get over it, every guy goes through it, he will learn with time to just use girls for sex, with no strings attached...

 

They were broken up, and still are broken up. Who she has sex with is none of his business.

 

And, she has reason to believe that he was not entirely loyal to her, which means your argument that what they had was special is a moot point. If it’s good for the goose, it is just fine for the gander...