Tips for successful OLD dating?

[Logo]

I recently signed up to an online dating website -- again, after a break -- and have put together a profile with a few pictures and indicated that I'm looking for a long-term relationship. I wrote a little about myself, my hobbies, career, and what I'm looking for.

 

Aside from the obvious, like women who look older than they appear in the pictures, a one line profile or no description at all, selfies at the gym or selfies showing her scantily clad in front of the bedroom mirror, sending messages well past midnight or 1 am when it's clear she works a 9 to 5 job, what other red flags do you consider when interacting with someone on a dating website?

 

Do you have any true and tried tips for what works in terms of interactions to go from the first contact to actually meeting in person?

 

 

I have had SOME luck getting dates on OLD. But they are few and far between.

 

 

After entering all the filters, I get a page listing profiles of women who live nearby. Out of 20, I might be attracted to 2 or 3 who live within 30 miles and who also have a well-put-together profile that doesn't raise any red flags.

 

 

After messaging those three, I sometimes get no response. Between the flakes, the catfish, those seeking an ego boost, validation, and those trying to alleviate their boredom, if I'm on the website every day, I might end up going on one date once a month or every six weeks.

 

 

I'd like to increase those odds without the process taking over my life.

 

 

Although I'm not a fan of the following method as I prefer to be proactive and go for who or what I want, I feel that with OLD -- in order not to waste time -- it's best to just sit back and let women contact me instead of browsing through profiles and trying to come up with something genuine to say or ask only to get no response; it seems like a monumental waste of time.

Edited November 1, 2018 by Logo

[smackie9]

light simple profile...leave some mystery. Change photos regularly. Make sure they are just of you in a casual setting...and smile! Next, grow a thick skin. Remember online dating is no magic bullet. You need to contact women, and they need to contact you. The effort goes both ways. Now if you find it a waste of time, try Bumble. Women are required to message guys instead. No such thing as one site too many. Results vary from site to site.....so give each one a shot and assess.

[Lotsgoingon]

Right now there is this gap ... between how people write about themselves ... and how they are ... Yes, there is the inflation of income and looks and all of that ... but I'm not talking those issues.

 

I'm talking the fundamental issue of writing about yourself--truly truly hard to write about yourself in a way that makes you attractive ... and that gives other people a real sense of yourself.

 

There is also a gap in how attractive people are ... and here's my point: it goes both ways. There are people who simply are not photogenic ... or don't know how to make themselves look their best in photos ...

 

So I would consider meeting some of the women you think are unattractive. Keep initial meetings short ... Cafe ... 30 minutes ... of talk ... Some of these women will look better in person than they do on the site. Also, some of them will just be more overall attractive (once you hear their voices or sense their energy) than the seem on the site.

 

So considering zeroing in on those women you don't feel are that attractive but who seem to show the same interests or similar interests to yourself. If you like what they write in their profile, I'd consider going out with them.

[nospam99]

Patience

 

Persistance

 

Thick skin

 

Don't insult her or she'll complain to the site and you'll be kicked

 

Honesty in your own profile

 

Keep some kind of records or you'll try to contact the same woman on more than one site

 

Careful reading of the woman's profile:

- If she's 'looking for' something you're not, next

- If she's obviously lying, next

- If she's not what you're looking for, next

- If her profile is 'too brief', (maybe) next

- More photos of her (kids, pets, food, and travel scenes are cute but not super helpful) are better than fewer

- If her weight matters to you, photos that only show her body in baggy clothes are a 'red flag'

 

Give her only two chances to respond (one if that's your preference)

 

Minimize delay between first response and face-to-face meeting

 

Do unto her ... even if she's a disappointment

Edited November 1, 2018 by nospam99

[Gretchen12]

You have to realize that reasonably attractive women don't have to work very hard to get dates. But she might be online to look for something specific. I'm not all that attractive yet I still get asked when out and about. That's because there are a lot of men who are aggressive.

So men dating online need to not be so picky about profiles. That's not the same as not being picky with who you date. All the men go for the best profiles and ignore the ones with no photo or didn't write much. It's so hard to tell who is really behind the profile. Think outside the box. What do you have to lose?

Remember a woman who is already getting a lot of attention in real life, is probably not highly motivated to perfect her profile or be on the site every day. If she doesn't log in, her profile won't show up first. So maybe you can dig deeper in the pile. The "obvious good profiles" that show up on page 1 probably receive hundreds of messages, you can't expect her to reply to everyone. That would be a full time job.

[alphamale]

that's a good idea to let the woman make the first move on OLD. that way you know that she is interested on some level.

[elaine567]

Gretchen12 makes an excellent point.

You are filtering for the good profiles, but that doesn't necessarily mean you are filtering for the good women.

The quality of the profile may not equate to the quality of the woman.

[Chilli]

l was only one was twice for a very short stint.

But a few things . Here you wouldn't expect her to contact you first, although a few struggling women might.

But the type of person l go for wouldn't contact a guy first anyway, sp eopecting her to just seems weird.

 

But l was only interested in very specific person if anyone at all, and we'd both be unusual and like minded so she won't be getting bombarded rather biting her time like me. So the odds were pretty good she'd answer.

l didn't giva damn how flash the profile was, matter of fact that's a bit of an alarm spelling expert , and l don't want some dating expert. So if her page was a bit fumbley and awkward, to me that was a good sign and also a humbleness which in that sense l also love. lt worked well and the few l met were genuine girls and well worth it. l live with one of them now and had a feeling she was gonna be in there somewhere, follow your gut.

 

To me the big fancy pages with miles of expectations and all perfect , and over detail , my God some of the shyt people will say on those things, send sirens off everywhere.

And your better off holding out for those few special ones than meeting 100 waste of times. So for what it's worth, that was just my thing.

Edited November 1, 2018 by Chilli

[Purrrfect]

Don’t spend weeks on end emailing or texting. The only way to know for sure they are legit and local is to meet them. Plan to meet within a week or so of chatting. Plan a brief cheap meeting. Coffee or a drink that way if it’s a total disaster you are not out too much money or time.

 

Lots of scams and fakes online. If you get the feeling someone is not who they say they are report their profile and block.

 

Have fun

[mortensorchid]

SOme tips on OLDing successfully:

 

1) Lower expectations - The first person you connect with (just saying hi how are you messages) is not always going to be great. It may never get past that.

 

2) Face to face meeting - You meet someone face to face. This person may not be what they made themselves out to be, don't expect to hit it off immediately with that person because you may not.

 

3) Responses - If you haven't heard anything in 48 hours after the first get together, you will not hear from him again 90% of the time. You might text for a few days afterward, they might call you a few days later, you might even have a second get together with that person. But he/she will just be a friend after that. Someone who's interested will contact you (preferably a call) immediately afterward.

[Logo]

Thank you all for the very helpful comments. Some great ideas here.

[Logo]

With online dating, I seem to have a problem recognizing when is the right time to take things offline. Without the verbal and visual cues, I have only text to go on and sometimes I ask too early (or so it seems) and sometimes I ask too late (More often than not, it’s not too late. So things end up working out).

 

Still, it remains a very gray area.

[Chilli]

Again , def; no expert with the the scene and l would also like to add from my last post , l'm actually very very skeptical of old. l actually only went on just for a bit of female company really but at the same time l did have a bit of a funny feeling l might just meet somebody very special. So even though it seems like maybe l got lucky but it was OLD and well , l dunno , admittedly it does feel like a strange way to meet and you really gotta wonder if it would've happened in RL naturally , ya know, the way l sorta feel like things are meant to happen.

But l dunno , maybe l'm wrong , who knows.

With my girl if l'd met her in RL , we still would've hit it off exactly the same and things are very full on but at the same time , there are some probs , not between us but with her sitch , and admittedly l am still subconsciously skeptical and waiting for the ball to drop so to speak.

Buttttt, there are even people right here in LS that have married from old , sooo, yaknow , keep the faith it's worth imo trying but with low expectations.

 

But in answer to logos last post , hell l dunno. No golden rules people are all different and women have to be careful .

But imo , anytime , just ask for her number or leave her yours but no pressure, even first convo , or second , or 3rd , she'll explain if she'd rather message a bit more first.

That's all l did.

 

l remember one girl just said oh thanks for that, left her my number and invited her to call if she was comfortable. She said ahhh, we might chat a bit more first l think and that was fair enough.

Few more messages and nights later though got a nice surprise text from her and we called and spoke and bla bla.

 

So l'd say just suggest it anytime you want after you've had a few messages really, but with no pressure at all.

Edited November 6, 2018 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Where as with my girl l called her first night . We had a few messages and l said to her eff this l hate this stuff do you mind if l just call.

She laughed and said no worries, sent her number and that was that.