gracey123 Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 Okay so I was casually dating a guy and I’ve really fallen for him. I’ve got some issues and I was really mean to him. Anyway we met on Friday and I was super drunk, I didn’t want to kiss him but we slept together, he said I make him feel rubbish and ugly and I am too moody, I asked him if he’ll see me again he said we will see. He’s ignored me since but hasn’t deleted me on anything and views all my social media. I know I’ve made a huge mistake because he’s lovely. I’m gonna go NC anyway for myself but I just hope he does come back and talk again. Surely the fact he hasn’t deleted me was something, all he said was “please leave me alone for a while” but now I’m just getting so jealous and stuff. I know I’m messed up cos of my previous relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 When you say you were mean to him, what did you do? What happened that made him feel rubbish? These things are important because if something you are doing is making a guy feel bad, then you need to look at that behaviour. I am not saying he is right - because we don't know - but in what way do you feel you are messed up? Your behaviour is your responsibility. If you are treating someone badly, it is your choice. You can't blame the past for hurting someone else. Getting drunk and sleeping with a guy is just going to confuse both of you. Getting very drunk is also unsafe. Is this something you do often? Do you think you could identify what your 'issues' are? I think quite often people know, deep down. Once you do pin them down, you might be able to get more support to deal with them. It doesn't sound at the moment as if you are getting what you need. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted November 2, 2018 Author Share Posted November 2, 2018 I was rude to him. I refused to kiss him I kept just being nasty. I did it cos I’m scared of being hurt and getting attached. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 Now what? You need to work on resolving your internal issues, that should be your focus. Otherwise you will continue to chase guys away. No one with any healthy sense of himself will put up with rude or mean treatment. Maybe this guy will give you another chance, maybe not. But honestly why would he if you make him feel like rubbish? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 I was rude to him. I refused to kiss him I kept just being nasty. I did it cos I’m scared of being hurt and getting attached. I did it cos I’m scared of being hurt and getting attached. -- That isn't going change soon. And, you slept with him anyway . . . You need to stop dating anyone for awhile. You're not in a good place mentally or emotionally to offer someone a good dating experience. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to anyone else. If I were you, if this guy reaches out again, I'd apologize for treating him the way you did and tell him that you aren't in a good place for dating right now. Focus on just YOU for a while. Get yourself to a point where you are confident, secure, strong and independent and in control of your emotions. That would be the biggest favor you could do for yourself and future dating partners. And, if this guy does reach out to you, I'd kinda question his motives and/or his own esteem issues which would allow him to want to put himself in this position again. I'm trying to be mean, just pointing out that either way, I don't think this situation is worth trying to "salvage". Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 Going NC is the WORST thing you can do here. Ignoring the guy whose feelings you already hurt will make him feel even more like you think he's rubbish. You need to apologize to him in a big way. If you were a man I'd tell you to send flowers. I don't really know what you send a guy but try food, cookies or something. Explain to him that you are very sorry & what you did was because you are scared. You have to be wiling to take risk here. If he really is lovely he should appreciate your effort in trying to repair the damage you caused. If he wants nothing more to do with you, while I can't blame him, you have to learn from this. When someone is lovely you treat them well. Then they stick around. When you are nasty to them, the leave. You don't need to be afraid of people leaving you. You have control over this. They leave when you act mean. If you can manage to stop that --- cut out the hurt them before they hurt you destructive mindset -- you should be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 I was super drunk Now what? Stop getting superdrunk. In fact, stop drinking altogether, you aren't doing it responsibly. Link to post Share on other sites
Soconfuzed Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 I tend to agree with some of the comments from others here. It sounds to me like you need to work on your issues before you get involved with anyone seriously. You also might want to consider contacting him to offer an honest and sincere apology along with the same explanations you've offered up here. Tell him you're kind of "f'd" up right now and not really in a good place to date anyone. I've had women tell me that and even though I was upset that I wouldn't be dating them at the time I respected them for telling me. Respect and integrity are good things Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted November 2, 2018 Author Share Posted November 2, 2018 He has so many girls commenting on his social media. I’m going to delete him. This is horrific but I need a therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted November 3, 2018 Author Share Posted November 3, 2018 He text me saying. Sorry I’ve been a d**k, can I come yours now? Pretty obvious what that means. Link to post Share on other sites
Samsara555 Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 Okay so I was casually dating a guy and I’ve really fallen for him. I’ve got some issues and I was really mean to him. Anyway we met on Friday and I was super drunk, I didn’t want to kiss him but we slept together, he said I make him feel rubbish and ugly and I am too moody, I asked him if he’ll see me again he said we will see. He’s ignored me since but hasn’t deleted me on anything and views all my social media. I know I’ve made a huge mistake because he’s lovely. I’m gonna go NC anyway for myself but I just hope he does come back and talk again. Surely the fact he hasn’t deleted me was something, all he said was “please leave me alone for a while” but now I’m just getting so jealous and stuff. I know I’m messed up cos of my previous relationship. Hey, from what I've read it seems like you may be bottling up certain feelings and repressing some stuff. When you're drunk, these feelings are allowed to freely roam around and show themselves. I think the more important thing here than your relationship with this guy, is your relationship with yourself. Drinking or taking any kind of represent, is only hiding away from your issues (most of us have issues) and in doing so, they grow stronger and bigger, causing us more and more problems throughout our life. So I suggest staying away from the booze for a while if possible, and coming to grips with what's going on internally All the best Link to post Share on other sites
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