Good Morning Beautiful

[Malin889]

I am continuing on down the road of online dating: I was talking to a new guy the last two days, we were getting along great, and then he asked for my number, so I gave it to him and he texted me, we were getting along fine. Then we were talking about our houses and how stuff always gets broken, etc. Then he makes a joke about inviting himself over to fix something, which I felt uncomfortable with, so I didn't say anything back. Then he said a bit later, "I was only joking", so then I responded, "no problem, you're ok". Then he continues to text, he's asking me how my day was, but I was getting really busy at work, so I was just telling him how I was in the middle of a project. I'm new at my job, and I don't want to sit there texting all day, you know? So then he says,"ok, I won't bug you". I didn't think he was bugging me, but I just really needed to get my work done.

 

Anyway, he texts me this morning "good morning beautiful" -- I knew he would text me this, I don't know why. I like when people text me good morning, but I get uncomfortable being called beautiful by someone I don't know. I know, the guys on here may say I'm being picky... But I do want to continue to talk to this guy, so how can I say in a nice way that I'm just not comfortable being called beautiful? I would like to be called beautiful, but maybe like down the road after we've been dating awhile. Does that make sense?

[Happy Lemming]

How about you stop texting and make a plan to meet for a proper date??

 

You're overthinking the whole "beautiful" wording, he was just throwing a quick compliment out there.

[Redhead14]

Meanwhile, that guy is posting somewhere wondering if the "beautiful" compliment was over the top

[BaileyB]

I like when people text me good morning, but I get uncomfortable being called beautiful by someone I don't know. I know, the guys on here may say I'm being picky... But I do want to continue to talk to this guy, so how can I say in a nice way that I'm just not comfortable being called beautiful? I would like to be called beautiful, but maybe like down the road after we've been dating awhile. Does that make sense?

 

Totally. It would make me uncomfortable too,

 

If you like talking to this guy, arrange to meet him for coffee. When you text for long periods of time, it creates a false sense of familiarity with someone you don't know. So, meet him.

 

Besides, there is only so much you can talk about with someone you don't know... It's time to meet him.

[David33]

If you've spent more than 30 seconds thinking about it, tell him. If he's an adult, he'll understand and will want things to get off to a good start.

[MaleIntuition]

Online dating is such a bad word. It’s supposed to be online matchmaking. This guy is trying to date you through text instead of asking you out on a real date. Most girls would actually just stop responding... normally I’m not a fan of such behaviour, but you guys haven’t even mett so perhaps it’s okey.

[Gretchen12]

Ha ha! Oh please, it's harmless! The guy is just laid back. It doesn't mean anything. It's like the Italian "Ciao Bella!" But ok, you are the way you are, and it's not a match. When you tolerate someone you're not doing him a favor. You will find someone else.

[Lotsgoingon]

You're ride ... he's a bit awkward in texting ... maybe he's trying too hard ...

 

But trust your gut ... sounds like he's racing ahead faster than you ... seems at first instinct as kinda needy.

 

No need to final conclusions yet ... but keep those hypotheses in mind when you finally get together with him.

 

And yes, tell this kinda guy how to communicate and no need to apologize for texting when you're busy ...

[Malin889]

Thanks for your replies, you’re all correct! I never understand the long texting back and forth before asking someone out on a date... and it seems to be very common these days, lol! I just texted back and said good morning, I was busy at work on a project, don’t want you think I’m ignoring you, and he wrote back — “OMG I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone. Text me when you can. I'm sorry.“

[Malin889]

You're ride ... he's a bit awkward in texting ... maybe he's trying too hard ...

 

But trust your gut ... sounds like he's racing ahead faster than you ... seems at first instinct as kinda needy.

 

No need to final conclusions yet ... but keep those hypotheses in mind when you finally get together with him.

 

And yes, tell this kinda guy how to communicate and no need to apologize for texting when you're busy ...

 

Yes he is racing a bit ahead, when he was messaging then texting me yesterday, in a matter of a morning, he told me about building his porch, how he’s very handy, all about his beer making hobby, and how he’s been getting in shape and losing all this weight. Also asked for my number pretty quickly. He was definitely trying to sell himself and did it pretty rapidly, quicker than I’m comfortable with. He definitely has it down. :-)

 

He seems like a good catch, at the moment, if he just slows down a tad. :-)

[smackie9]

Just my 2 cents: That first text speaks volumes....he's insecure, a bit bitter with his dating success, and unsure about you, easily takes things the wrong way, is sort of passive/aggressive. And the last text...how many times does a person have to say sorry? Gee whiz

 

 

 

I dunno about you but, first impressions mean a lot to me, and if a guy can't step up and just be a man and ask a nice lady like yourself for a date to talk face to face....well you know, it just doesn't feel like it's worth all this song and dance crap. It would make me wary.

[smackie9]

Yes he is racing a bit ahead, when he was messaging then texting me yesterday, in a matter of a morning, he told me about building his porch, how he’s very handy, all about his beer making hobby, and how he’s been getting in shape and losing all this weight. Also asked for my number pretty quickly. He was definitely trying to sell himself and did it pretty rapidly, quicker than I’m comfortable with. He definitely has it down. :-)

 

He seems like a good catch, at the moment, if he just slows down a tad. :-)

Keep us updated, hope it works out for you.

[Malin889]

Just my 2 cents: That first text speaks volumes....he's insecure, a bit bitter with his dating success, and unsure about you, easily takes things the wrong way, is sort of passive/aggressive. And the last text...how many times does a person have to say sorry? Gee whiz

 

 

 

I dunno about you but, first impressions mean a lot to me, and if a guy can't step up and just be a man and ask a nice lady like yourself for a date to talk face to face....well you know, it just doesn't feel like it's worth all this song and dance crap. It would make me wary.

 

I know! First impressions mean a lot... I was thinking the same thing, he said sorry twice, it sounded a little needy, but I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt... It would be nice if he would just make plans, but it sounds like the ball’s now in my court — “text me when you can”.

[lurker74]

From a man's standpoint, it is generally our role to escalate the OLD situation. So there's a fine point between getting to know the woman and appropriately escalating the banter and flirting so that it leads to a successful meet. Most of us (read: all of us) get that wrong from time to time. This guy clearly gets it wrong. But I honestly don't think you should try to fix it because it signals some incompatibility between the two of you.

 

And if I am being honest, saying good morning beautiful is SO. FRICKING. CLICHE. that it should be banned anyway. If I had a dime for every "Good morning handsome" text I've gotten, I could get a small Frapaccino from Starbucks. Guys who text good morning beautiful to anyone but their LT SO are lacking in creativity.

[Lotsgoingon]

"The good morning beautiful" is truly lame ... especially since you guys haven't been out on a date.

 

Basically that kind of text says nothing ... says nothing interesting, nothing that came across his mind that reminded him of you ... nothing of plans with you ... nothing interesting he's doing ... Just very needy sounding.

 

And it's NOT your job to say in a text "I'm not ignoring you." No ... don't do that. Best to avoid going down the hopeless path of reassuring people acting insecure--especially at the start here. That's not your job and you're encouraging his insecurities. ... Let's say you have to be out of contact for several days ... maybe THEN you send a reassurance message.

 

You say "I'm busy ... I'll text you later." Don't take care of him at this point before he's shown he's worthy ... Just the content of a polite text says I'm not ignoring you. Next thing you know you'll be apologizing for not responding in 5 minutes ... for not responding during an important and lengthy meeting ... for not responding at some other time that is unreasonable for you.

[alphamale]

I would like to be called beautiful, but maybe like down the road after we've been dating awhile. Does that make sense?

 

no, not really

[Malin889]

From a man's standpoint, it is generally our role to escalate the OLD situation. So there's a fine point between getting to know the woman and appropriately escalating the banter and flirting so that it leads to a successful meet. Most of us (read: all of us) get that wrong from time to time. This guy clearly gets it wrong. But I honestly don't think you should try to fix it because it signals some incompatibility between the two of you.

 

And if I am being honest, saying good morning beautiful is SO. FRICKING. CLICHE. that it should be banned anyway. If I had a dime for every "Good morning handsome" text I've gotten, I could get a small Frapaccino from Starbucks. Guys who text good morning beautiful to anyone but their LT SO are lacking in creativity.

 

I agree, it’s very cliche, and the sad part is, I knew he would text me that this morning and I cringed when I received it.

[Malin889]

no, not really

 

Meaning by someone I know better.

[losangelena]

I agree with a lot that’s already been said. It feels stunting sometimes when there’s a disconnect between the level or type of communication, and the true level of emotional intimacy. Why waste all that banter on texting when you could have a rousing first date? What will there be left to talk about if you already know everything about each other over text?

 

Also, is this guy actually asking you questions, or is it all about “me, me, me” with him? I’ve found that the guys who want to message a lot in the beginning, and who accelerate the relationship past its natural point, are quite insecure, and are driven by something other than wanting to get to know the woman they’re talking to. It’s really more about their needs, or their feeling a certain way, or filling over some emotional hole with attention.

 

I went through something like this last summer. A man I'd met at work (this was after I left) reaches out to me and we started texting a lot. I went to his place once and we made dinner. We barely even kissed outside at the end of the night, and like three days later he asked if I’d be is GF. I was like, wow way too fast. I told him I thought it was too soon, but I was happy to consider us dating. Well, he didn’t like that. Anyway, point being, I am wary of men like this, because they’re really not invested in the woman, they’re invested in themselves.

[No_Go]

I went through something like this last summer. A man I'd met at work (this was after I left) reaches out to me and we started texting a lot. I went to his place once and we made dinner. We barely even kissed outside at the end of the night, and like three days later he asked if I’d be is GF. I was like, wow way too fast. I told him I thought it was too soon, but I was happy to consider us dating. Well, he didn’t like that. Anyway, point being, I am wary of men like this, because they’re really not invested in the woman, they’re invested in themselves.

 

Good point - 2 times guys escalated too fast IME:

1) First one practically moved in with me on the 4th date, we signed a lease a month later (yes, I was an idiot), he mooched ton of money off me and I finally managed to run away from him. He moved to another 'host' right after and now she's suing him for theft and physical abuse..

2) Second was more benign but still weird - asked me to be his GF on 3rd date and from there on we acted like a married couple. He introduced me to his entire family 8 weeks after and said that in his opinion 9-12 months in is tops before deciding to marry or not, we can always figure out stuff afterwards That's what his pastor told him apparently, he was religious freak, had severe paranoia of anyone not in his church (telling me people were chasing him down so he'd leave a job 5+ times and move out of state out of fear). I had zero word in this relationship until it broke after seeing he messaged 30+ women on a dating site..........

 

People that are genuinely interested usually take their time because they need to determine if it makes sense for them too. Too fast means 1) he has hidden agenda, could be even criminal 2) You're filling a slot of some imaginary person that he thinks he need in his life (corresponds my cases 1) and 2))

 

Now, you're overthinking a text, but I believe it's because of 'gut feeling' you have, and if so, trust it....

[smackie9]

Some people think that texting is counted as dating and I believe this is the case. it's possible he's had a few online relationships and this is all normal for him. And yes he is getting way too ahead of himself....it would be best to mention this.

[Malin889]

"The good morning beautiful" is truly lame ... especially since you guys haven't been out on a date.

 

Basically that kind of text says nothing ... says nothing interesting, nothing that came across his mind that reminded him of you ... nothing of plans with you ... nothing interesting he's doing ... Just very needy sounding.

 

And it's NOT your job to say in a text "I'm not ignoring you." No ... don't do that. Best to avoid going down the hopeless path of reassuring people acting insecure--especially at the start here. That's not your job and you're encouraging his insecurities. ... Let's say you have to be out of contact for several days ... maybe THEN you send a reassurance message.

 

You say "I'm busy ... I'll text you later." Don't take care of him at this point before he's shown he's worthy ... Just the content of a polite text says I'm not ignoring you. Next thing you know you'll be apologizing for not responding in 5 minutes ... for not responding during an important and lengthy meeting ... for not responding at some other time that is unreasonable for you.

 

Thank you Lotsgoingon, you are always so logical and you bring up so many good points! I know it’s not my job to apologize to him or reassure him, I don’t even know him for Pete’s sake!

[smackie9]

To add: Some guys are stupid that way to start in with the pet names and crap, thinking this is the way to show interest, when the best way to show interest is to have to gonads to ask for a bloody date.

[some_username1]

Would you prefer if he called you "mate" or "buddy" instead?

 

It's online dating, little things like that are what separate a platonic interaction from someone trying to make it clear that they have interest in you over and above friendship. Okay so "Morning beautiful' on it's own is a bit lame but only because he hasn't taken the conversation anywhere.

 

I threw out a 'babe' the other day to a girl I'd been on 3 dates with and I noticed that it wasn't reciprocated in any way which is fine- as far as I am concerned it's her problem more than it is mine, I'm the guy and it's my job to push things on. God knows women bitch about it on here when the guy is not making efforts to show his interest! Anyone who over-thinks about a term of endearment/attempt to escalate is not going to be right for me and vice-versa.

[Malin889]

Would you prefer if he called you "mate" or "buddy" instead?

 

It's online dating, little things like that are what separate a platonic interaction from someone trying to make it clear that they have interest in you over and above friendship.

 

But I’m on a dating site so I would assume if he’s texting me there’s no need to distinguish between friendship or more... there’s no need to say buddy, mate, or beautiful because I assume he’s looking to date me if we’re on a “dating” site, Right?