Wondering about LS females' 'lack of success'

[PRW]

I think (hope) not many guys are like this; that’s needy and clingy, and borderline creepy

 

Like I said, mildly exaggerated to make the point clear. Not all of them hit the 10th one, but the first 9 are very very common. The degree of severity may vary, but the first 9 are very prevalent.

[some_username1]

In the end the quality people who had their act together got married early in their 20's and never got divorced. Or if they did get divorced they had no trouble meeting another and re-marrying. So they are not, and never really spend any time "on the market".

 

The singles when you hit middle age, particularly with the Online crap, it is just The Land of Misfit Toys. Even if someone does a lot of personal improvement on themselves isn't much better off because they find that very few others have done the same, so in a way they have isolated themselves even further (but at least they have a better quality of life, even if alone).

 

This kind of a depressing thread

 

The latest trend I'm seeing on dating sites in my area is that a lot of women in their 30s all work in high powered project management roles thst require them to travel constantly, work long hours and generally struggle to be able to arrange a first date. I've made some gopd connections by text but had to knock them back because they just weren't available and I was wasting my time. I would have thought women would be over the workaholic stuff by their mid to late 30s and i wish I could filter them out on the app. So that is one reason why they might struggle to find a partner.

 

I'm a bit of a bit of a traditional type and have been referred to as a gentleman, but in my experience the women online who say they want a gentleman have no idea what to actually do with one. They seem to think it's all about a guy paying for their dinner and all they have to do is turn up and put no effort into cultivating things themselves. Then when I do find the one rare nugget of gold it soon becomes apparent that everybody else has spotted her too and I am part of the dating equivalent of the Hunger Games and contestant number #325 eventually wins, which wasn't me.

 

Also women's mental maturity in their 30s seems to have regressed with the rise of social media. I find it a bit cringe when they have instagram feeds full of them taking selfies in the toilets of a nightclub. I'm finding that it's better to date women 5 or 6 years older than me in their early 40's because they play less games, have more clasd and I never find myself in any doubt as to their interest.

 

I'm sure there are equal corollaries for women looking to date men in the online arena. Both genders face different challenges but the one common denominator is that nobody who dates online seems to be happy with their options. I hate to tar people with a brush but after years of this nonsense and some hilarious tales of first dates with women who were clearly a screw loose I have to conclude that for a woman in her 30s to be online dating and struggling to find a relationship there is usually some form of self sabotaging going on. The best ones were pretty much already locked down in their 20s.

 

But yes, it is very depressing the state of modern dating.

[PRW]

The latest trend I'm seeing on dating sites in my area is that a lot of women in their 30s all work in high powered project management roles thst require them to travel constantly, work long hours and generally struggle to be able to arrange a first date. I've made some gopd connections by text but had to knock them back because they just weren't available and I was wasting my time.

 

The career women in their 30's are in a real bad way. They are all caught up in their career and chasing whatever it was that they were promised by society while they were still in school getting their over-priced degree. Then at the same time their biological clock has just about run out,...having babies in your 30's is risky (their prime for babies was in their 20's). So they are emotionally torn between the two. Most of the men who would have been good candidates for them got married to the non-career women back in their 20's so those men aren't on the market any longer. This leaves behind the men who don't want families, marriage, or anything permanent. So the women in question end up getting bitter and frustrated. So some choose to just give in and marry the career.

[alphamale]

The career women in their 30's are in a real bad way. They are all caught up in their career and chasing whatever it was that they were promised by society while they were still in school getting their over-priced degree. Then at the same time their biological clock has just about run out,...having babies in your 30's is risky (their prime for babies was in their 20's). So they are emotionally torn between the two. Most of the men who would have been good candidates for them got married to the non-career women back in their 20's so those men aren't on the market any longer. This leaves behind the men who don't want families, marriage, or anything permanent. So the women in question end up getting bitter and frustrated. So some choose to just give in and marry the career.

 

I have met many single women in this scenario.

[thefooloftheyear]

Of the women I know that have "struggled".....

 

Most are attractive and look good for their age...The rest are overweight and average looking...

 

Where does a "good" middle aged women find a good guy? Without insulting anyone, I agree with Eternal S....They aren't doing OLD because they don't have to...The guys I know only did it to get easy sex, but did leave the door open, in the event they find someone...

 

One of my closest friends, who I would consider a higher quality guy lasted only one week on OLD.. He was in a committed relationship with one of the women he met and was off the site...Id imagine that happens a lot...

 

Most smart women have a nose for good guys in bad marriages and swoop in before they become available...Better quality men usually have plenty of options without trying...But no doubt, ,many women wont play that game...And that's fine, but realize that's how a lot of guys never make it to the market....They are already gone...

 

Also, one of the most attractive qualities of women in general is that they always seem to be a bit idealistic...Guys are more pragmatic/realistic...These women seem to always be seeking an ideal situation...A handsome man with alpha qualities. confidence..etc…A bunch of stuff, cars. houses, etc...

 

That's great, but now you have a lot of women fighting for a small percentage of guys...And these guys may very well not even be seeking women their own age...

 

At the end of the day, its probably just a numbers game for women...Too many of them and not enough desirable men to go around...

 

 

TFY

[hotpotato]

I guess I'm one of the regulars.

 

I'm quirky and sometimes weird. I have faults that a lot of other women may not have. I'm fine being alone a lot. I was an only child for until I was 11 which means I learned early on how to entertain myself.

 

Most men push for sex early, but I'm not sexually attracted to most men in a primal way. This has made it harder for me to date most guys.

 

Going through men is tiresome. I'm sure a lot if guys think it's so much fun. Maybe it would be if I were a woman looking for a lot of random sex. I actually went on dating sites to date! Dealing with guys looking for the hump n dump, liars, etc got old.

[Ruby Slippers]

If you get to age 40 and haven't found the right partner, it's likely you have a higher standard for a partner than most.

 

I married once, too young, and could easily have been married again to decent men at least a dozen times. But I can't get excited about a comfortable arrangement if the love isn't strong and right. I don't envy most of the married couples I know, as most seem full of compromises I wouldn't want to make.

 

It's very unlikely that I'm ever going to "settle" for a convenient arrangement. I'd feel so blah. I'd rather be single and have inspired friendships and professional relationships.

 

I can say that my matches are only getting better. I have a very clear idea now of what will and will not work for me. I don't waste a moment if I don't see real potential.

[alphamale]

If you get to age 40 and haven't found the right partner, it's likely you have a higher standard for a partner than most.

 

I married once, too young, and could easily have been married again to decent men at least a dozen times. But I can't get excited about a comfortable arrangement if the love isn't strong and right. I don't envy most of the married couples I know, as most seem full of compromises I wouldn't want to make.

 

It's very unlikely that I'm ever going to "settle" for a convenient arrangement. I'd feel so blah. I'd rather be single and have inspired friendships and professional relationships.

 

I can say that my matches are only getting better. I have a very clear idea now of what will and will not work for me. I don't waste a moment if I don't see real potential.

 

do you have any cats RS?

[Ruby Slippers]

Yeah, and some crystals and a deck of tarot cards, too

 

I'm not sitting at home on the weekends. I went out on a first date to a music show & dancing with a hottie last night. He walked on the traffic side of the sidewalk every time, opened every door We both have presence, and together this amplified by several orders of magnitude. The staff treated us like royalty and every other person was checking us out and grinning.

 

I'm not sad about being single. Right now I'm the happiest I've ever been, finally got to that place where I don't need anybody - which means I'm more magnetic than I have been in years.

[Gretchen12]

All works the same for guys . Most of the women online seemed pretty messed up.

But you basically try it to hopefully just find that that one needle in the haystack. You'd be dreamin if you didn't know the odds though are pretty slim.

Move to a bad area , same, horrible looking women,slobs, messed up,you name it, a good area, honeys everywhere and a few sane ones too hopefully.

And on and on it goes.

Read around , look around , life, it's much the same deal for guys or gals or an equivalent in nearly every way.

 

Yes I expect it to be the same for guys as for gals. What I didn't know before, was how much location matters in the quality of available singles.

[nospam99]

All works the same for guys . Most of the women online seemed pretty messed up.

But you basically try it to hopefully just find that that one needle in the haystack. You'd be dreamin if you didn't know the odds though are pretty slim.

Move to a bad area , same, horrible looking women,slobs, messed up,you name it, a good area, honeys everywhere and a few sane ones too hopefully.

And on and on it goes.

Read around , look around , life, it's much the same deal for guys or gals or an equivalent in nearly every way.

 

I've got to disagree ...

 

But keep in mind my age and social context pretty much limits me to 'assisted' dating - OLD or speed dating.

 

I have yet to meet a 'messed up' woman and very few of the profiles I've read sound messed up. The major limitations I've encountered are women's 'litmus tests': height, age, body type, income, religion, politics.

 

Nevertheless I agree that it's a numbers game with 'long' odds - as a guy, I'll go with 25 to 1 on people you actually MEET.

 

But importantly and the reason I started this thread (which has, like many, drifted off topic) is to question whether women are taking full advantage of assisted dating. It's not the same deal for guys and gals, at least not in the 'market' I'm in.

 

Guys almost always have to 'make the first move', send several unsolicited messages and play the numbers game waiting to see if they get a response. Granted unattractive women or those clearly 'messed up' have to play the male role of making the first move. But what I see is most women, including all of those I've met, get to play a different game. They get to 'sit back' and wait for contacts from men. Then they have the 'hard part' of the process for them - filtering the winners from the losers. Their advantage in the process is that the first stage filtering has already been done because they are being contacted by men who are, for better (candidates) or worse (creeps, scammers, etc), explicitly interested in them. I see a lot of women who 'disappear' from OLD. Only they can say if they leave because they 'won' or because they 'lost'.

[BaileyB]

For me, my life was pretty great as a single woman. I have a professional job, I own my own home, I have a rich life with my own interests and my own friends, I have travelled the world... I was waiting for a man who was going to bring something to my life. I was not about to take on a dependant who wanted me to cook his meals, clean his house, and deal with all his baggage.

 

Thankfully, he finally came along but I would have been just fine if he hadn't. He is in my life because I want him there, not because I need him.

[elaine567]

Guys almost always have to 'make the first move', send several unsolicited messages and play the numbers game waiting to see if they get a response.

You are also 64, so the demographic of women you are delving into, will have mostly grown up with the idea that men make the "first move".

I also think that some women will see men who they need to do all the running or chasing after, as lesser men so they don't bother. Women in general, tend to like confident, decisive men or at least men who have the balls to make the first move...

I guess women who make the first move in your demographic are either "desperate" or see something so good in a man that it is difficult to pass him over, without at least trying to catch his attention.

[nospam99]

You are also 64, so the demographic of women you are delving into, will have mostly grown up with the idea that men make the ''first move''.

I also think that some women will see men who they need to do all the running or chasing after, as lesser men so they don't bother. Women in general, tend to like confident, decisive men or at least men who have the balls to make the first move...

I guess women who make the first move in your demographic are either ''desperate'' or see something so good in a man that it is difficult to pass him over, without at least trying to catch his attention.

 

I have no problem with having 'the balls to make the first move'. My point in the post you quoted was that I think the 'dating game' is different for men and women.

 

The is a cliche that women on OLD are so overwhelmed with contacts from men that they don't read them all and have to have three dates each week just to meet the 'lucky' guys who are deemed 'contenders'. So far what I haven't had the balls to do is to ask a women I've met whether they felt overwhelmed by the number of contacts. What some of them have volunteered was that lots of the men they met were jerks.

[sabaton]

Guys almost always have to 'make the first move', send several unsolicited messages and play the numbers game waiting to see if they get a response.

 

That depends on the person's generation, culture, location and circumstances. My grandmother's generation, there was no dating to speak of. Potential, eligible young men would be introduced to the girl and then the girl would make her choice, and this in many cases lead to terribly unhappy marriages, if not most of the time, to be honest.

 

My mother's first husband, she married him because he was the son of this old guy who my mother adored ,and since my father never really had a paternal figure as he died when he was young - my mother married to appease the old man and to make him happy.

 

But the marriage didn't work out, and then my mother met my father. Do you know how my mother met my father? He was hanging out at a coffee shop after work still all greased up in his monkey suit, having a beer with his friends and watching sports on the TV, when my mother spotted him, liked what she saw, and approached him and started a conversation.

 

Then she asked him out on a date that same day, scheduled it to happen the same day they met, and then she initiated sex in his car. 40 years later they're still very happily married to each other

 

That's how I have always conducted my life, with one exception. I approached a girl when I was 18, she rejected me and since then I never again approached a girl again. If she hadn't rejected me would I have approached other women throughout my life? Maybe. But she rejected me and I didn't enjoy being rejected.

 

So now this is what I do. I either meet girls through my job, or through friends, or I meet them in buses and subways and trains. I look at a girl that I find attractive, and then when she feels that she's being watched, she looks my way and I look away.

 

I do this a few times, sending strong signals of interest in the girl's direction. Then I wait. If she doesn't approach me - that's fine. It's skin off my bones. If she comes up to me and starts talking, we end up spending time together, trading numbers, and then getting together some other time.

 

Now, do you know what the secret is, to end up with a girl you are attracted to, instead of someone you're with just because you want to have sex/you want a girlfriend and this girl approached you?

 

Live in a place where the majority of the women are young, thin, pretty and charming. That way it doesn't matter to me that my ideal type of woman looks like Kim Kardashian, because there's a girl who looks just like Kendell Jenner who thinks I'm cute(I'd seriously consider going to the eye doctor if I was she) and if her sex drive is high enough.. she will approach me and that way I will feel sexy, hot, desireable and wanted

[sabaton]

I also think that some women will see men who they need to do all the running or chasing after, as lesser men so they don't bother. Women in general, tend to like confident, decisive men or at least men who have the balls to make the first move...

Oh, yes, and men also tend to like confident, highself-esteem women who go after what they want, and when you spend a 20-30 minutes train ride with a girl in front of you smiling at you non-stop, checking you out, playing with her hair and her neck and then all she gotta do is to open her mouth and say hi.. but all she does is stand there making you feel uncomfortable...

 

How you think the guy is going to feel? Of course he's going to feel that she has low self-esteem, feels entitled to being pursued, and that she is lazy, or that she doesn't want him all that much: because if she did like him that much she wouldn't throw away the chance of meeting him, would she?

 

Of course she wouldn't.

 

But yes, I agree. If the poster you're talking to is in his 60s, then the chances of a woman making a move are going to depend on how much he looks like George Clooney.

 

oh, and both my parents are in their early 60s, with dad being 3 years older than mom.

Edited November 5, 2018 by sabaton

[Gretchen12]

 

The major limitations I've encountered are women's 'litmus tests': height, age, body type, income, religion, politics.

 

 

But don't men set those criteria too? They want women not too old, not too fat, not too tall.

 

Oh here is a litmus test I have, and you tell me if I'm being reasonable. If a man who is 62 lists his profile as looking for women 18-50, I'd pass on him even when I fall in that age range and he contacts me. Really, 18?!

[sabaton]

But don't men set those criteria too? They want women not too old, not too fat, not too tall.

Not really, no. From what I remember seeing back home, guys would sleep with anyone and her grandmother if the need was there.

 

They want women not too old, not too fat

I've dated women who were 50 years old when I was 21. I've dated women who were 44 when I was 19. What these women and others the same age or older than me had in common was that they were hot, charming and flirty, with extremely extroverted personalities, which is something that I love.

 

I'm not shallow. I only care that they are pretty, skinny, so they're essentialy average women, because that's what nearly all of the girls in Portimão looks like, and their age can be 18 or 60. If they want to sleep with me, I'm game. Just as long as they approach me first.

 

Women need a man who weights more than them, so that they can feel feminine and smaller. At 132lbs a girl who weights more than me is not going to feel comfortable. I've been at 140lbs at 9%body but that was because I was working an extra labor-intense job and I needed the extra fuel, so I was eating all day long, and I don't like food all that much, never did.

 

Oh here is a litmus test I have, and you tell me if I'm being reasonable. If a man who is 62 lists his profile as looking for women 18-50, I'd pass on him even when I fall in that age range and he contacts me. Really, 18?!

hahaha. I've visited thousands of profiles from men from EVERY culture in the world, and the vast majority of the men from all of the cultures in the world, they all want a woman who is much younger than themselves, starting at the age of 18.

 

I don't see why not. Go big or go home

Edited November 5, 2018 by sabaton

[JuneL]

I think it’s a common misconception that the hard part of an attractive woman on OLD is to sit back, wait for the hundreds of messages and pick a few winners from those. I’ve only had 3 weeks of OLD experience, but I can tell you the hard part was to position yourself so that the high quality guys (in your standards) would contact you. It’s super annoying if your mailbox is flooded with messages from guys who are completely not your match (it’s no difference when you get hit on by some annoying guys). On the other hand, if the small number of messages you have received includes a few in whom you may be potentially interested, then that’s a success.

 

I've got to disagree ...

 

But keep in mind my age and social context pretty much limits me to 'assisted' dating - OLD or speed dating.

 

I have yet to meet a 'messed up' woman and very few of the profiles I've read sound messed up. The major limitations I've encountered are women's 'litmus tests': height, age, body type, income, religion, politics.

 

Nevertheless I agree that it's a numbers game with 'long' odds - as a guy, I'll go with 25 to 1 on people you actually MEET.

 

But importantly and the reason I started this thread (which has, like many, drifted off topic) is to question whether women are taking full advantage of assisted dating. It's not the same deal for guys and gals, at least not in the 'market' I'm in.

 

Guys almost always have to 'make the first move', send several unsolicited messages and play the numbers game waiting to see if they get a response. Granted unattractive women or those clearly 'messed up' have to play the male role of making the first move. But what I see is most women, including all of those I've met, get to play a different game. They get to 'sit back' and wait for contacts from men. Then they have the 'hard part' of the process for them - filtering the winners from the losers. Their advantage in the process is that the first stage filtering has already been done because they are being contacted by men who are, for better (candidates) or worse (creeps, scammers, etc), explicitly interested in them. I see a lot of women who 'disappear' from OLD. Only they can say if they leave because they 'won' or because they 'lost'.

[sabaton]

I think it’s a common misconception that the hard part of an attractive woman on OLD is to sit back, wait for the hundreds of messages and pick a few winners from those. I’ve only had 3 weeks of OLD experience, but I can tell you the hard part was to position yourself so that the high quality guys (in your standards) would contact you. It’s super annoying if your mailbox is flooded with messages from guys who are completely not your match (it’s no difference when you get hit on by some annoying guys). On the other hand, if the small number of messages you have received includes a few in whom you may be potentially interested, then that’s a success.

 

 

Or the women who are using online dating to meet guys...could.. ''approach'' the guys they want by being the ones to initiate a conversation by sending the first message?

[nospam99]

But don't men set those criteria too? They want women not too old, not too fat, not too tall.

 

Oh here is a litmus test I have, and you tell me if I'm being reasonable. If a man who is 62 lists his profile as looking for women 18-50, I'd pass on him even when I fall in that age range and he contacts me. Really, 18?!

 

Of course men have litmus tests, too. I was listing women's litmus tests that I perceived to contrast with another poster's observation that the problem with dating is that 'Most of the women online seemed pretty messed up.' I don't think having litmus tests is messed up at all. But they are limitations on the ease of finding a match.

 

Your example about the 62 guy seeking 18-50 is fine EXCEPT .... I wouldn't be surprised to see that on seeking.com. I'm not on that site, but it's a 'sugar daddy' site so a 62m/18f 'arrangement' may well be 'negotiated'.

 

To try to stear discussion back on topic, I don't recall any 18-50 LS women complaining that they have been unsuccessful attracting a 62 y/o man. I think it's fair to characterize whatever complaints have come from any LS posters have been about their own age +/- 10.

[nospam99]

I think it’s a common misconception that the hard part of an attractive woman on OLD is to sit back, wait for the hundreds of messages and pick a few winners from those. I’ve only had 3 weeks of OLD experience, but I can tell you the hard part was to position yourself so that the high quality guys (in your standards) would contact you.

 

Okay. Is it fair to say that for a woman to successfully 'position' themselves they should select a platform that allows them to tailor their profile and, then, to do that tailoring?

 

A possible example: this morning match.com sent me a woman's profile in my daily set of matches. Nice woman, largely compatible, someone whose company I bet we'd mutually enjoy EXCEPT ... she had a couple of sentences in her essay that I can paraphrase as 'unless you hate Trump, get lost' (I see a good number of those statements and even had a live first meeting fall apart over my toleration of 'The Donald'. I 'passed' on this woman.). Would you agree that statements of that nature are 'effective positioning'?

[sabaton]

Of course men have litmus tests, too. I was listing women's litmus tests that I perceived to contrast with another poster's observation that the problem with dating is that 'Most of the women online seemed pretty messed up.' I don't think having litmus tests is messed up at all. But they are limitations on the ease of finding a match.

 

Your example about the 62 guy seeking 18-50 is fine EXCEPT .... I wouldn't be surprised to see that on seeking.com. I'm not on that site, but it's a 'sugar daddy' site so a 62m/18f 'arrangement' may well be 'negotiated'.

 

To try to stear discussion back on topic, I don't recall any 18-50 LS women complaining that they have been unsuccessful attracting a 62 y/o man. I think it's fair to characterize whatever complaints have come from any LS posters have been about their own age +/- 10.

 

I don't know about that. A 18 year old woman being with a 62 year old man doesn't necessarily mean that it's a sugar daddy/sugar baby deal they have between them.

 

There's this girl, actress, model, fashion icon. beautiful. I'm still scratching my head at what she has with her husband. Her husband is 57 years old, bald, his face is more wrinkled than the surface of Mars, he's 5'5'' and she's 5'7'' or something, and she could have any man she wanted.

 

For a bit I thought it was a matter of older guy paying for young woman to sleep with him. But she began to date him when she was 18 and she was making a lot of money already, and then she went on to marry him when she turned 23 or something... and now she's 27 and she's going to have his baby...

 

Let me see what I can dig up.

 

Found her!

 

Her name is Sara Barradas

 

https://pt.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sara_Barradas <- that's in her native tongue.

 

http://images-cdn.impresa.pt/caras/2012-06-01-jose-raposo-e-sara-barradas.jpg1?mw=820

 

https://www.vip.pt/sites/default/files/styles/slider/public/images/noticia/2017/2017-04/2017-04-11/vip-pt-24686-noticia-jose-raposo-e-avo-pela-segunda-vez-e-revela-foto-do-bebe_73.jpg?itok=_vZQdePe

 

They make a beautiful couple, don't they? lmaooo.

 

It's hilarious to me to think that this girl rejected men who were her own age or younger, men who made a lot of money, men who worked as male models, for this guy who isn't even 60 and already looks like that.

 

Women are strange in that regard. I've seen absolutely gorgeous men being rejected by women and on they went to pick up completely average looking men, and I've seen very young, very attractive women with okay looking men who were 20, 30, 40 years older than them. Heck, the wife of the President of Brazil is 30 years younger than him or so.

 

I'm starting to believe that the only men who marry women their own age are either men who don't have the aesthetics to attract young, attractive women - or they're broke and can't rent/buy a younger wife

Edited November 5, 2018 by sabaton

[JuneL]

Or the women who are using online dating to meet guys...could.. ''approach'' the guys they want by being the ones to initiate a conversation by sending the first message?

 

Perhaps a poke or a like or just a view, in case he misses my profile. I have no problem with women sending out first messages or asking a guy out, but it wouldn’t work for me. Sorry

 

I’d be interested in how a dating guru says about that though...

[nospam99]

Perhaps a poke or a like or just a view, in case he misses my profile. I have no problem with women sending out first messages or asking a guy out, but it wouldn’t work for me. Sorry

 

I’d be interested in how a dating guru says about that though...

 

Interesting .... If a woman felt she was not having success using OLD and that all she was attracting were 'creeps' and 'other undesirables', would you then think it a reasonable tactic for her to send first messages to 'primo' guys? Should women be concerned that those primo guys would be 'gone' quickly and thus be willing to send first messages before those guys connect with women that they (the guys) were sending their own first messages to? Sort of a Sadie Hawkins approach?