changingmale Posted November 3, 2018 Share Posted November 3, 2018 I have seen online somewhere that couples have separated but did not divorce bc of the government benefits as in tax refunds and things like that. So wondering if anyone here is separated but not divorce for years? If so why and how is the relationship etc. Just seems kind of odd Link to post Share on other sites
just1looking2 Posted November 3, 2018 Share Posted November 3, 2018 I have a friend who has been separated for 5 years. He still pays most of the bills, they still do a few things together, she is very content with the scenario - who wouldnt be......so whatever works. If they are happy and leading content lives its for no one else to say. The only issue would be if and when either one meets someone new and significant......neither one seems to want to at the moment which is why it works....but that is the downside, is that is prevets you from really moving on. Divorce sucks beyond belief....I can see the urge of avoidance... Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted November 3, 2018 Share Posted November 3, 2018 I have seen online somewhere that couples have separated but did not divorce bc of the government benefits as in tax refunds and things like that. So wondering if anyone here is separated but not divorce for years? If so why and how is the relationship etc. Just seems kind of odd Sometimes people just don’t want to spend the money to get divorced. They don’t have any real property to divide or the money to pay for the legal costs. Sometimes people have a lot of real property to divide such as a business, retirement accounts , real estate that have to major tax implications and must be liquidated to split the marital assets. Sometimes it is for religious reasons and not wanting to get church to ordain the divorce. Sometimes its children and they stay married because somehow this is not as traumatic. Sometimes people aren’t all that angry with the other, they just don’t want to live with each other any more. Sometimes they are just too lazy or don’t wanted a divorced label or one party really is not willing to admit it is over. Link to post Share on other sites
Insoc Posted November 3, 2018 Share Posted November 3, 2018 I read about others living this way, even divorced in the same house. Not sure if I could do it, seems like it would be torture. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 3, 2018 Share Posted November 3, 2018 I think it's mostly inability to make a decision. Link to post Share on other sites
David33 Posted November 3, 2018 Share Posted November 3, 2018 (edited) It's about money. We may wait to finalize the divorce because of insurance and taxes. I figure I would save at least $18K / year because, in part the tax overhaul of 2018 eliminated the deduction for alimony payments for divorces not finalized in 2018. The deduction goes away for 2019 taxes and beyond. Is it worth it? I don't know yet but I do know I can do a side project and make that much so there would be no difference except that I had a clean bill of emotional health. The dream, of course, is that she remarries. All payments stop. If that doesn't happen then for sure I or my new potential significant other will want me to finish it and I will. Edited November 4, 2018 by David33 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 I have seen online somewhere that couples have separated but did not divorce bc of the government benefits as in tax refunds and things like that. I know of a couple who separated amicably a decade ago but didn't divorce so she'd have insurance coverage for a chronic health condition. I know he dates (don't think she does) and both seem happy with the set-up. Obviously, one's interest in marrying again is a big part of the types of arrangements... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 My xH and I separated amicably about 10 years ago and are not divorced. We refer to each other as 'ex', have legally dissolved all other ties and commitments, live as single and consider ourselves as such (as do our friends and family). Where we live we were able to submit legal orders separating our affairs after six-months apart. After 12-months separation we were able to file for divorce. So we got together with our legal team to do just that... but after finding that all divorce would do was make us not married anymore we frankly couldn't be bothered. We'd rather keep the required fees earning interest for us until such time as being legally 'not married' actually matters or makes a positive difference in our lives. Our agreement is to happily file jointly on request. The thing most likely to precipitate that would be for one of us to want to remarry. I'm 99.99% sure I won't be wanting to go down that route again! xH is currently in a long-term relationship with a lovely woman (a divorcee) and they show no desire to express their commitment via marriage. Maybe we'll be single but married forever! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 (edited) I am single currently. If I meet a woman and she is separated and wants me romantically. She is going to have to be divorced or at least working on it hard to my eyes getting divorced to finality. 1 yr tops I may give her, and there will be no discussion of living together/having bio kids or unprotected sex within our relationship. I will have to be treated very well for any type of relationship for me to tough out her being separated. Seeing and hearing all of these separation things. Why not just get a prenup. Does the 50 % divorce rate that has not really dropped, not tell us something. Whats the downside to a prenup? I don't see it? Edited November 4, 2018 by Mysterio Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 5, 2018 Share Posted November 5, 2018 It took 10 years for my ex-h and I to have a divorce after we separated. He did not want to pay for a divorce and I was a mom back to school I couldn't pay the lawyers. At some point we were both living with other people miles and miles away and the divorce was still not final. One day I got a big bonus at work and I paid for the divorce myself. I called him up by courtesy to tell him he would get divorce papers and to please sign them and return them. He was surprised! he asked why? can you believe this! Even if he had been living with another woman for years, had a child with her, he still didn't want to divorce me.....he was afraid of losing half his military pension. I finally convinced him to sign the papers by reminding him if he dies I get everything and his current GF and kid won't get any. Not being divorced wasn't a problem when I dated, not even a problem for the man I lived with for 4 years. I was legally separated, everything concerning assets had been taken care of already. I'm also from a culture we don't care much about marriage or not. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted November 5, 2018 Share Posted November 5, 2018 The laws need to be completely revamped...Most people don't do it for a variety of reasons, mostly financial...For one, once you divorce, the person carrying the medical benefits has to drop the divorced spouse from the plan...In some of these cases, its the only way they could ever afford to be covered, and was part of some agreement that they made personally... People just assume all divorces are acrimonious and it wont matter the consequences...In many cases its not true...But unfortunately, the laws wont allow it to go "sensibly" in many cases...My parents never "officially" divorced even though it was probably 40+ plus years until my dad finally passed and they barely talked.. Again..the laws are long overdue to change, especially when you are talking about something with a far better failure rate than 50/60%... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 It's very common here in New Zealand, as we usually settle finances and custody issues immediately after separation, which are legal binding documents, the divorce must happen at least 2 years after the separation and can only been done sooner under special circumstances. The actual divorce is just a form signed by both parties and a $200 fee. Most aren't contested as the separation process has already dealt with all of this, some people wait years to officially divorce, my husband was legally separated from his first wife for over 20years and divorced her just before he married me. Link to post Share on other sites
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