Datergirl Posted November 3, 2018 Share Posted November 3, 2018 My boyfriend and I have been together about 4 months. He's 37, I'm 41. Most of the time we get on great, have a really good time together and have said we love each other. We've just come back from a 5 day holiday. The most time we've spent together. On the day we got there we walked into the town, bought a few essentials then went back to the hotel to sunbathe and had a few beers. We went out in the evening, more drinking and nothing to eat. We were walking back to the hotel and he said something to me like 'I've given up on life'. My immediate reaction was 'huh? You've given up on life?' It probably came across a bit insensitive as I thought isn't our relationship enough that you've got that feeling? So, this is where it gets horrible. He called me the c word and told me to f off. I got a taxi back to the hotel without him. Booked into my own room the next day but we did reconcile as I didn't want to spend the next four days on my own. We had a heart to heart a few nights later where he opened up about past experiences that still affect him and that he struggles with. Even so, I told him in no uncertain terms if he speaks to me like that again it's over. As much as it will hurt me I don't want to be a verbal punch bag. We're home from holiday now. I think he could really do with some help addressing his issues but he says therapy doesn't work for him. I'm unsure how to proceed? I'm not used to such volatile relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 3, 2018 Share Posted November 3, 2018 It's your call. It's hard to know what to say without knowing what the "issues" are that he is struggling to deal with. Are these issues things that will affect him and his ability to have a healthy and happy relationship with you? Under no circumstances is a man allowed to call me those names - ever. I think you did well to set the boundary clearly and with a definite consequence. One more strike and he would definitely be out of my life... Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 3, 2018 Share Posted November 3, 2018 (edited) It's only 4 months into your relationship and he is calling you the c word and telling you to f off. He is supposed to be on his best behaviour at 4 months... I am sure you are now choosing your words carefully in case you trigger another outburst. It is not a good start. You just want a relationship, it is not your job, nor are you qualified to "save" him. Be careful. Edited November 3, 2018 by elaine567 clarity 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Datergirl Posted November 3, 2018 Author Share Posted November 3, 2018 The issues are that he was in the army, did two tours of Afghanistan and the terrible things he saw during those times. So yes likely will have the potential to impede on a happy and healthy relationship....but I'm willing to try....as long as he doesn't ever call me names again. Link to post Share on other sites
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