Signs they are not over you

[manifestsunshine]

Just curious as to what people think about the accuracy of this video?

 

Source:

 

Specifically- I connect to #1 & #3 the most.

 

For #1 in regards to keeping you around rather than doing a clean break.

For #3 in regards to finding ways to hurt you bc they actually do care to invest time to hurt you, rather than being indifferent and walking away.

 

Do you think revenge qualifies?

 

I am thinking if they are putting in the energy to hurt you, they must feel something still bc there was no indifference for them to just drop everything and move on with life.

 

But if they say "they don't love you anymore" then maybe that overrides everything in this video..unless they are saying it as a front to hurt you even more...bc they actually do give a damn.

 

Just thought this was interesting bc the more I learn, I realize I don't know much about relationships and the related psychology.

[PRW]

I'd say the video is pretty good.

[manifestsunshine]

I'd say the video is pretty good.

 

Thanks for watching!

 

I actually found an article of why an ex would waste their time trying to make their ex miserable.

 

Basically it sounds like they blame the other for their misery made up of guilt, shame, resentment, jealousy, insecurities and fear. Fear of themselves, abandonment, fear of the unknown and fear of having no one to blame this all on. They feel threatened and desperately find a way, any way to avoid their biggest fear- themselves. As long as they can make you feel miserable they don't have to look at themselves. They have put their misery on someone else. Blaming it on someone else is easier than facing the truth.

 

AND

 

As you feel hurt inside, you felt the need for revenge and you want the other person to feel what you feel. You think you will feel less pain if he/she feels pain. You think you might feel happy when he/she feels that excruciating pain you feel, but you won't.

 

In conclusion I'm getting he didn't care and felt wronged...and used it to feel better out of selfishness but in the end it backfired.

[carhill]

In general, the author makes good points.

 

However, people are individuals so general advice is necessarily tailored to specific interactions.

 

Regarding your revenge thing relating to what the author stated about indifference generally being the opposite of love, not hate, some people are simply wired to do mean or violent things not because they care but because they like it, meaning they like hurting or destroying people. It gives them pleasure.

 

Save for tying up loose ends of our M during and after the D, I'd say pretty consistently all the women who gave me the relationship finger over the decades were done when they were done. Matched up really well with the author's points. Same with myself. Once they were dead to me, they never rose from the dead again. I can think of one exception, however it was never a consummated full-on relationship, rather a sort of stupid juvenile unrequited love. That lingered for a long time. Unfinished business. It taught a lot of lessons.

[manifestsunshine]

In general, the author makes good points.

 

However, people are individuals so general advice is necessarily tailored to specific interactions.

 

Regarding your revenge thing relating to what the author stated about indifference generally being the opposite of love, not hate, some people are simply wired to do mean or violent things not because they care but because they like it, meaning they like hurting or destroying people. It gives them pleasure.

 

Save for tying up loose ends of our M during and after the D, I'd say pretty consistently all the women who gave me the relationship finger over the decades were done when they were done. Matched up really well with the author's points. Same with myself. Once they were dead to me, they never rose from the dead again. I can think of one exception, however it was never a consummated full-on relationship, rather a sort of stupid juvenile unrequited love. That lingered for a long time. Unfinished business. It taught a lot of lessons.

 

Thanks for your input!

 

It's interesting bc it's totally out of his character to do something like this and all the trust flew right out the window.

 

I think it was a huge manifestation of things he never verbally communicated to me and it just compounded into anger/resentment. He had the audacity to tell me I didn't want to talk to him about anything which is why he never brought it up. He talked to his mom instead. Just really irritated esp if he was the one who said he will be honest and upfront all the time bc he doesn't want to "waste" my time. He didn't tell me even that he wanted to be friends and just continued to lead me on, playing mind games out of his own selfish motives - to boast about his successes in life to me and my family.

 

The main problem to begin with was his insecurity about being with me bc he put me on a pedestal and he didn't think he was worthy to be with me. He wanted to be the dominant one but I think he saw me as competition and was jealous of things I had and he didn't. He told me he was a rebound - that's how bad it had gotten. This dichotomy is probably what made things worse from the get-go.

 

He doesn't realize that it was not the rejection in itself that hurt the most- it was the deception. In the end, I read through all his insecurities and he made it seem like his actions were validated by putting the blame on me for all his wrongdoings. Crazy how childish he had become. Def agree when they are done, they are done. Have no respect for him and glad I don't have to waste my breath on him. Just still pretty traumatized.

Edited November 5, 2018 by manifestsunshine