my friend made a move on me

[jsmithee]

So here is my story:

 

I am in a 4 and a half year relationship. I recently got in to a huge fight with my girlfriend and we havent spoken in the past 4 days. The reason for the fight isn't that important right now.

 

The problem is that I have this friend who I think is somewhat interested in me and I know that in any mind state im in I would never cheat on my girlfriend....So anyway, lastnight we were at this huge party and we were all dancing and there was lots of alcohol involved and my friend moved in for a kiss and got me but it barely lasted 2 seconds and there was no open mouth or anything it was a peck and I didn't even have time to react so it was just her moving in then me moving back....

 

I'm not thinking straight and I need someone to categorize this event for me and help me figure out how to tell my girlfriend about this. I feel really awful about it. I didn't do anything but I just feel like I have some blame in this and I just love her so much....I never want to hurt her and I just feel so bad.

 

My girlfriend is the kind of person who stops reading books where someone cheats on their boyfriend/girlfriend....

 

So how do I tell her? I definitely want to tell her I hate lying to her.

[mixwell]

You should just tell her ASAP.. Just say before she might hear any different from someone else you wanted to tell her first.. don't wait too long though or it seems a little fishy..

[Cecelius]

I agree with Mix. Get out ahead of this.

 

Most stories of cheating, etc., that really p*ss people off are the ones where there was cheating BUT that gets compounded by a lie of omission, or worse, if you and your female friend hatched some mutual non-disclosure pact -- THAT's where it looks skanky.

 

Get your head straight (booze aside, in your heart was there anything you were doing to precipitate this?), tell your g/f what happened.

 

And be prepared BEFORE your g/f asks you to to absolutely drop contact with the friend.

[lindya]

Does this female friend who kissed you know your girlfriend? Did she know about the fight and use it as an opportunity to make her move? If so, then she's showing little respect for your partner - and if you carry on hanging out with her after this, then I would say that you'll be doing likewise.

 

As Cecelius suggests, I think it would be an idea for you to decide whether you're prepared to dispose of the friendship with this girl before you bring the matter to your girlfriend's attention.

[Kengne]

FULL DISCLOSURE.

 

No ifs, ands or buts. Don't let this come out through the grapevine.

 

As others have said, when you do tell her don't be surprised if she demands that you cease contact with this 'friend'. I assume you're prepared for that? And in your heart of hearts, was the kiss really that unexpected? Did you honestly have NO idea your 'friend' felt about you that way? I always find it difficult to understand how people put themselves in these sort of situations.

 

K.

[mental_traveller]

It's something you should mention, obviously. Not just ethically but pragmatically - do you want her to find out later from someone else? Do you want that guilt, or her suspicion if she picks up on it?

 

She may well get angry but ultimately I'm sure she'd prefer to be told and eventually respect you more for it. The main thing will be she will doubt your version of events, even if it's true. So first, make sure you tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And second, act so that it's obvious you aren't interested in the woman friend of yours. As in, be prepared not to speak to her again, or at least not when your gf is not around. Be prepared to call her up in front of your gf to explain you're not comfortable speaking to her or meeting her anymore. You get the picture.