edgygirl Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 I just posted a thread on the main forum about a guy I'm dating... Which got me wondering about something I've been thinking about in the back of my head for a long time. My relationships don't seem to work that well... I am usually single although I have many men pursuing me. I've been briefly married. He was younger than me so it didn't work, but I loved him and wouldn't initiate the divorce myself. I have a feeling I might be sabotaging guys when I can tell they're genuinely interested in me and a relationship. I am not sure though. How can I tell? Anyone with expertise on the matter? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 most of my relationships lasted 3 to 6 months and then I would bail. when things started to get serious I would bail. I've only really committed to 3 or 4 women in my life, one being my failed marriage. I've always had this thing about being the one to end a relationship, probably cause I want to protect my ego. Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted November 4, 2018 Author Share Posted November 4, 2018 I'm quite the same... commitment was max 4-5 times, and dating wise also 3-6 months max. So I am starting to realize there might be something wrong with me in that sense. Maybe we both need therapy to figure it out? I noticed I might be trying to sabotage this guy I went on dates with, and the last guy before my dating-break last year... I did the same. I found a thing that really bothered me with him to end up dumping him... and it was about politics... I am not sure it's that important to dump someone over. Maybe it's bcause I am looking for someone that fits exactly what I think I need... or maybe I have some kind of issue where I start sabotaging. How can one tell? And if so why do I do it? most of my relationships lasted 3 to 6 months and then I would bail. when things started to get serious I would bail. I've only really committed to 3 or 4 women in my life, one being my failed marriage. I've always had this thing about being the one to end a relationship, probably cause I want to protect my ego. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 Well ya should be aware of yourself and everything you feel enough to know whether you are or not or whether there's reasons . But obviously with all these short relationships and nothing of any substance, sounds like a no brainer to me. Maybe when the real thing does come along , you'll be ok . Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 I have a feeling I might be sabotaging guys when I can tell they're genuinely interested in me and a relationship. Being afraid of commitment is a symptom. It's the underlying pathology you should be focused on... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 Always on the prowl for the BBD (bigger better deal). People are interchangeable. IMO, likely goes back to FOO (family of origin) and attachment styles within the core family unit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted November 4, 2018 Author Share Posted November 4, 2018 OMG thank you carhill for reminding me of this... I read about it in the past but never worked on it in therapy i. e. My one therapist never caught it either... cause I went to her after my divorce, but that was one time where I did take the plunge and did not run away (from my ex) and did get married. I do think I have this "deffective" attachment style below - Fearful Attachment - triggered whenever someone wants to get really close to me. For the last guy I dated last year I found the convenient excuse that I disliked the way he thought about a political matter; the person I am dating right now I am trying to find other issues/faults with him maybe because he seems so into me and available and it triggers something in me that makese me want to run... despite me REALLY wanting a relationship. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-freedom-change/201505/come-here-go-away-the-dynamics-fearful-attachment My parents were there for me, BUT... not really. I grew up with nannies as my mom was always working a lot, and my dad although loving, is not a good communicator of feelings. Wow really thank you. It seems I might have stuff to work on... Always on the prowl for the BBD (bigger better deal). People are interchangeable. IMO, likely goes back to FOO (family of origin) and attachment styles within the core family unit. Link to post Share on other sites
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