Why do girls assume that guys who struggle with dating have too high standards?

[preraph]

Not left and right, no, but they're still going to have women approach them and hit on them, yes.

 

I was once watching this 6'6'' dude with a swimmer's build and a decent face sitting at the student's lounge working on something with his books open on his lap, and this girl sees him, likes what she sees, picks up a glass of juice, deliberately spills some of it near the dude's foot while he's oblivious to it, studying I guess, and then she gets down on one knee, apologizes for the mess she did and starts talking to him

 

I love this. I love watching women approach guys, and I love getting approached by women. It's like.. we're finally leaving behind this silly, outdated, 1950s notions of what is masculine and what is feminine, and women - at least the young women - are starting to go after what they want, instead of sitting pretty and smiling, which is cute, I guess, if you are a 19th century gentleman looking for a virginal maiden

 

Oh, women had ways of flirting back then too. Dropping a handkerchief in front of the man was very common and versions of that are still done today. I dropped a 36 pack of toilet paper in front of one, and this young lady dropped a drink, probably not quite as prudent...

[thefooloftheyear]

I'm already doing that. I have a pretty good life and a good social circle. My point was to refute Sabaton's assertion that shy/introverted guys are NOT as a disadvantage when it comes to dating when it clearly is. His assertion is that a guy only has trouble dating cause either he's a social retard or he's going above his league. Which is bull****. If you're a tall, good looking guy but who has an introverted personality and who is not around women regullary in his daily life, he's gonna find it hard to meet women. OLD is the only option.

 

 

IME, being introverted......a quiet/confident "lone wolf" type of introvert is actually the type of man women most desire...To think all women like back slapping, cork popping, life of the party types is complete nonsense...If left to choose between the two, they'll take the introvert almost every time..

 

And I don't understand the "not around women regularly" comment...Women are everywhere you go...unless you never leave the house, you are "around women regularly"...

 

 

TFY

[littleblackheart]

You have a point, OP. Very introverted men will have more of a difficult time getting into relationships, even handsome ones.

 

I'm a woman - I'm introverted, don't like social gatherings but my workplace is full of 'options' and my friends are always ready to set me up.

 

I'll hold my hand up and say my standards are near impossible to match; I have zero physical requirements other than be physically attracted to the guy but everything else is super high up in terms of compatibility and values.

 

I'm going on the assumption that whatever I do (actively look or wait for fate to strike) will yield the same result and I don't want to meet a lot of men just in case (too much effort, I guess), so I don't actively look for anyone, I don't cry over my pillow at night because 'all good men are gone' or because I'm too introverted, and I blissfully enjoy my single life.

 

When the time is right (if ever), I'll get my friends on the case because online dating is the last thing I'd want to do.

 

Can your friends give you a helping hand, OP?

 

If wanting to be in a relationship outweighs your introversion, can you try and get out of your comfort 'for the greater good' so to speak?

Edited November 5, 2018 by littleblackheart

[elaine567]

IME, lots of women are quite happy dating introverts and shy guys, what women often find unattractive are "weird" guys, and some of these "weird" guys also happen to be shy and introverted too.

 

Weird = guys who do not fit in, guys who do not act in a "normal" way, guys who are socially handicapped, guys who are painfully awkward, guys who are "embarrassing", guys who have odd ideas, guys who are overly confrontational, guys with huge chips on their shoulder, guys who are just not amicable in normal social situations... etc. etc. etc.

[outwithpeterpan]

IME, lots of women are quite happy dating introverts and shy guys, what women often find unattractive are "weird" guys, and some of these "weird" guys also happen to be shy and introverted too.

 

Weird = guys who do not fit in, guys who do not act in a "normal" way, guys who are socially handicapped, guys who are painfully awkward, guys who are "embarrassing", guys who have odd ideas, guys who are overly confrontational, guys with huge chips on their shoulder, guys who are just not amicable in normal social situations... etc. etc. etc.

 

I think the bolded is true, but its not necessarily helpful.

 

Sure, women don't mind dating shy guys. But being shy isn't what got the guy through the door. She liked something about him initially (his looks, his intelligence, some other component of his presentation or personality), and he happens to be shy.

 

IMO, more practical advice for the OP would be this. Be hot. If you can't be hot, be cool and fun instead. And if you want to achieve the latter, you better be willing to put yourself out there and get good at social interaction

[thefooloftheyear]

IME, lots of women are quite happy dating introverts and shy guys, what women often find unattractive are "weird" guys, and some of these "weird" guys also happen to be shy and introverted too.

Weird = guys who do not fit in, guys who do not act in a "normal" way, guys who are socially handicapped, guys who are painfully awkward, guys who are "embarrassing", guys who have odd ideas, guys who are overly confrontational, guys with huge chips on their shoulder, guys who are just not amicable in normal social situations... etc. etc. etc.

 

Good point....Yes, this is true and I should have included it in my previous post...

 

TFY

[JuneL]

Oh, women had ways of flirting back then too. Dropping a handkerchief in front of the man was very common and versions of that are still done today. I dropped a 36 pack of toilet paper in front of one, and this young lady dropped a drink, probably not quite as prudent...

 

:lmao:

Your post made my day!!

[stillafool]

Not left and right, no, but they're still going to have women approach them and hit on them, yes.

 

I was once watching this 6'6'' dude with a swimmer's build and a decent face sitting at the student's lounge working on something with his books open on his lap, and this girl sees him, likes what she sees, picks up a glass of juice, deliberately spills some of it near the dude's foot while he's oblivious to it, studying I guess, and then she gets down on one knee, apologizes for the mess she did and starts talking to him

 

I love this. I love watching women approach guys, and I love getting approached by women. It's like.. we're finally leaving behind this silly, outdated, 1950s notions of what is masculine and what is feminine, and women - at least the young women - are starting to go after what they want, instead of sitting pretty and smiling, which is cute, I guess, if you are a 19th century gentleman looking for a virginal maiden

 

Yes dear the one who I'm specifically talking about is my friend's son. He is lazy as mud, plays video games all day, waits for his mom to come home and cook. He is also drop dead gorgeous. Girls are constantly giving him money, gifts galore and blowing up his phone. His mother is at her wits end with girls knocking on her door unannounced.

[EthanBlack]

Because all of the tall, good-looking fit guys that I know happen to be male models. When I was in college I had this classmate of mine. 6'3'', 180lbs, broad shoulders, the high cheekbones that comes with Germanic blood(he was half Portuguese and half Dutch, easily one of the tallest Portuguese to ever live) and he was absolutely stunning.

 

Because of that, because every girl threw herself at him(once I was walking down the stairs with him, and this 5'11'' female model who had just seen him that exact moment for the very first time, comes up to him, writes down her phone number on a piece of paper, hands it to him and says that if he ever happens to be at x her city, he can crash at her place

 

Now, this guy, because he slept with 10 different girls a month,(he would only use college as a means to meet girls) guys would not want to be near him, because he'd get all of the girls, or their girlfriends would cheat on them with him.

 

So he was lonely, and he had no friends. I befriended him. I was then introduced to a world of fashion models and I fell hopelessly in love with the higher echelons of aesthetics. Physical perfection. Beauty that would have made any one of these girls or guys be considered a god or a goddess by the Ancient Greeks.

 

Yeah, I knew guys like that to, and they still smashed well enough. Put yourself in a crowd, surround yourself with attractive girls, and eventually at least one or two will approach you, and your friend could have been approached by a LOT of girls, but he prefers peace and quiet and solitude, I guess.

 

Yes, that's the thing. Location is EVERYTHING. When you are one of the very few guys girls get to see on a daily basis, they are going to want to hook-up with you. Because they want sex. They get horny. They get lonely. They want boyfriends and they date what's around them, not what's on another college lol.

 

Sure, but back in the day, life was awful for women and for men. I'd rather much live in this day and age, and everyday I thank my lucky star that I was born and raised in the USA, and that I was given the chance to move to Europe, instead of being born in Pakistan and having to live there my whole life

 

That can happen. A guy whose aesthetics are so divine that women either assume he's in a relationship, or that he's into men, and not into women at all.

 

He could always talk to girls who are shy. They exist there, on those dating apps and websites, he just needs to look for them.

 

Yeah.. that's gonna hurt his chances a bit, if most of the women he meets are not into the STEM sciences.

 

That's fine. I'm 5'7'' and people pretty much thing I'm from Turkey. I had a few classmates of mine who were from Syria, when I was in college, and when they first met me they thought I was from their home Country because they began to talk to me in their own language, and yes, they spoke fluent English.

 

And I do fine. I've dated attractive women who were 4'10''. I've dated attractive women who were 5'7'', and my last girlfriend was a solid 5'10'' or 5'11'' barefoot, very pretty, fit, and I often told her to go get those 6 inch heels she had stored somewhere and to go out with me, because I LOVE having All eyez on me, and having those tall guys wondering what is it that she sees in me.

 

Do I get rejected? I'm sure that if I was to cold-approach girls I would get rejected, plenty. But I don't approach women. I sit and I wait, and because nearly all of the girls are conventionally attractive - it doesn't matter me if I'm not approached by my physical ideal(Kim Kardashian body) because the girl who ends up approaching me, is attractive enough already.

 

Yeah, I was like that the first few years I was in this place, then I just become more and more like my parents with the positive attention that I was getting, and my self-esteem soared high.

 

That's awesome of you. Keep doing what you're doing, and things will get better for you. People who don't try, vanish into thin air. Those who try and put themselves out there eventually get closer to achieving what they want.

 

Why are you exactly on this forum? Seems like you've got it all together in your life. Seems like you've got quite a glamorous lifestyle in the perfect city and perfect social situation.

 

You remind me of a sychophant. You seem to worship beauty and superficiality. You assume that guys like me who struggle with dating are exclusively looking for hotties, like the 95 pounder that you described.

 

You seem shallow and superficial and very much remind me of those guys who happen to be in the right social circumstances feeding off of the beautiful people around you and trying to upgrade your social status.

 

You're not fooling anyone. If you're an ulgy person on the inside, then it's gonna be apparent soon enough.

[sabaton]

Why are you exactly on this forum? Seems like you've got it all together in your life. Seems like you've got quite a glamorous lifestyle in the perfect city and perfect social situation.

For the entertainment value that relationship forums provide. It confuses me and fascinates me how people invest so much of themselves on their partners, only for it to end up falling apart in most cases. Guys getting cheated on, guys in deadbedrooms. Guys who spent 20 years married and then their wives kick them out of their houses.

 

Guys who find out that their kids aren't theirs.

 

Women who enter friendships with benefits relationships trying to get the guy to fall in love with them. Women who are the Other Woman for 10, 20 years, being lied and told that their married men are going to leave their wives to marry them, only to be replaced by much younger women.

 

Women who actually believe marriage can last forever, and that someone can be happy with just one partner their entire lives. And that love is based on an emotional connection, compatbility, romance, sweetness, fate, destiny, when for the most part it's all set in stone before we are born.

 

Meanwhile, I see people getting discarded left and right by their partners, hooking up abounds, short-term relationships is the norm, and everyone realizes and understands that monogamy - lifelong monogamy - is a very pretty dream, but nothing more than that.

 

I also like to pretend,sometimes, that I would be happy in a long-term relationship and what better way to lie to myself than on romantic forums?

 

You remind me of a sychophant. You seem to worship beauty and superficiality. You assume that guys like me who struggle with dating are exclusively looking for hotties, like the 95 pounder that you described.

Oh, yes. I do. I worship beauty in all it's shapes and forms. In music. Art. Gardening. Women and men. Sports, movies. The stars and the memories Man has harbored within him for thousands of years. Male models have something that I have always wanted to have.

 

The genetic potential to make a man as attractive as Sean O'Pry, or if I'm pushing it, Brad Pitt. But I don't have that, and because of that my deepest sorrow and my most wild fantasy is that one day I will have a son, when the reality is that I won't.

 

Because I don't deem myself worthy of reproduction. And the world is overpopulated. If we as species cared about quality over quantity. We'd one day have average men looking like Henry Cavill in his prime.

 

You seem shallow and superficial and very much remind me of those guys who happen to be in the right social circumstances feeding off of the beautiful people around you and trying to upgrade your social status.

haha, there's nothing shallow and superficial about beauty. Beautiful people are more healthy.

 

They make more money. They sleep with more women and bed those women faster and more easily. You know it's so strange that these people are so poor and yet they're rich in beauty, with the average women and men having naturally lean bodies, high cheekbones, a sculputed jawline from having low body fat, smooth, blemish-free skin, straight white teeth, and full thick hair, and they're charming.

 

oh, I don't know about that. Social status is something that I don't think about. I was lucky and blessed enough to be approached by female models before I met my friend who introduced me to a world of endless and gorgeous beauty, which made me realize that back home in the states, because most men are obese, women can choose and pick only the hottest guys for hook-ups; but over here, because every guy is naturally fit and lean, they're gonna sleep with the average man, as they can't demand a 6'6'' superman because such a man is more rare than a virgin in a porno shoot.

 

You're not fooling anyone. If you're an ulgy person on the inside, then it's gonna be apparent soon enough.

haha, as long as I get laid, I don't care about getting dumped, to be honest. Edited November 6, 2018 by sabaton