Abusive mother- completely destroyed

[Nadine123]

After one toxic relationship after another where I was treated like crap and allowed it to happen, I decided to take a break from the dating world and focus on my self and fix what it is that's making me so desperate to be loved. I have no self-worth or self-esteem and have allowed men to do horrible things to me. I take full responsibility for this.

 

Throughout the past three months, I've noticed that part of it stems from my childhood and the way she treats me. I come from a culture where physical abuse is considered to be normal, but as I look back to it, many of the ways she did it weren't okay at all, like when she choked me when I got bad grades, and I pretend like I couldn't breathe so she can leave me alone. She put me on strong psychiatric pills when I was 16 because I was partying too much and we had to move back to my home country as a punishment (it's a sh*thole).

 

When I went traveling to South America, all she did was text me about how I've been gone from home for a long time and that I need to come back. When I think about it, she should have been glad that I'm traveling the world.

 

My therapist told me to confront her calmy when she's not very nice to me. Yesterday, she rolled her eyes several times when I was speaking to her. I calmly told her not to roll her eyes at me. Her first response was becoming really aggressive, saying that I'm imagining things, and then started screaming about how she wants to die.

 

One thing my therapist told me is that I don't allow myself to be loved and that I don't know what it's like to be loved. Fact is, I ''fell in love'' with a guy who treated me nicely for a week just because he was kind to me. Pathetic I know.

 

I have decided that it's time for me to break free from this woman. I'm a kind person, and this is what holds me back. How do I overcome feeling bad about backing away from her and get over her abuse? After all, she is my mother and she did do a lot to me.

[d0nnivain]

Undoing the damage done by a parent is hard & takes therapy. I'm not sure you are ready to confront mom, especially if what she was doing was culturally normal. Find a therapist who specializes in Gestalt therapy. You talk to a chair or a picture in place of the actual abuser. You kind of work your way up to talking to the person.

 

Read some self help books on self esteem & try to find things that are good about you.

[Nadine123]

I live with her, and I see that she does do good things (she cooks for me for example), and this is what makes me feel bad.

 

Yes, in my culture, it is completely normal to do this to your children and defying your parents is a big deal. My therapist is from England actually, and she made me understand that this is not okay, and is the main reason why I'm engaged in toxic relationships all the time and I'm so desperate to be loved.

[d0nnivain]

My mother was a difficult toxic alcoholic. I was never physically abused but the damage was done in other ways.

 

My relationship with her & myself improved when we stopped living together. As soon as possible move out.