Gendered proposal requirement - Outdated?

[SolG]

I'm just back home from a wonderful few days with my Mother. She and her H are off on an OS trip soon for a family wedding. Her H's Grandson is getting married in a veritable tropical paradise... because his partner proposed.

 

Story is Grandson and partner have been together for seven years and have four year-old twins. They had organised a tropical family holiday for this Christmas break. And then a couple of months ago his partner just basically threw down the gauntlet and expressed to him that you've always said that you want to get married (eventually), we've been together for ages, we have children and love and are committed to one another... and I'm sick of waiting for you to ask! Grandson responded okay let's get married and is apparently ecstatic, excited and fully engaged in the destination wedding process!

 

This got me thinking... why the heck do soooooooo many women passively wait to be asked? In this day and age, why aren't more women just putting it out there and proposing themselves if marriage is what they want?

[Nilfiry]

Tradition. What else? Does not matter how it started or whether or not it still makes sense, people have to accept and expect certain things, and tend to find it socially unacceptable to break from such practices.

 

Good examples are wedding traditions. From the diamond engagement ring, to the elaborate ceremony, white dress, and the cake, these are not-so-old traditions that people have not only come to accept as the norm, but would consider it socially unacceptable if you tried to get married without some of them. It makes sense if you are swimming in money, but people still shell out the money anyway despite the fact that most are not wealthy. Those people that just get it done in court to get things over with are the tiny minority.

 

Traditions are one example of the irrationality of humanity: people tend to accept things as they are without question and will even fight to defend it regardless of whether it makes practical sense.

[basil67]

Tradition. What else? Does not matter how it started or whether or not it still makes sense, people have to accept and expect certain things, and tend to find it socially unacceptable to break from such practices.

 

Good examples are wedding traditions. From the diamond engagement ring, to the elaborate ceremony, white dress, and the cake, these are not-so-old traditions that people have not only come to accept as the norm, but would consider it socially unacceptable if you tried to get married without some of them. It makes sense if you are swimming in money, but people still shell out the money anyway despite the fact that most are not wealthy. Those people that just get it done in court to get things over with are the tiny minority.

 

Traditions are one example of the irrationality of humanity: people tend to accept things as they are without question and will even fight to defend it regardless of whether it makes practical sense.

 

Perfect comments. I am a woman and I think that proposals became irrelevant when women stopped being chattel. We now have a say in the timing of the rest of our lives, so why not have a mutual discussion and agreement in the timing of the marriage.

 

At is so happens, I proposed to my partner: "Hey, do you reckon we should get married?" He replied "yeah, OK" but wanted that whole ridiculous wedding thing which you just described ...but I'd rather stick pins in my eyes. So we got a new bathroom instead and have just celebrated 26 years defacto.

 

Yup, I'm not one for tradition.

[Chilli]

Are you American. ?

Pretty sure reading forums American guys are forming their own movement haha.

They all seem to complain about women not approaching and now not proposing either.

 

l think they must be ahead of the girls and they're secretly training them into a whole new mentality.

l might have to move over there because soon all the guys will have to do is just sit in a bar have a beer or stroll out in some half decent clothes and let the girls do their thing and come to them.

[Els]

I think for most modern couples, while there is still the 'symbolism' of a proposal, it's not usually a total 'surprise'. Most times, the couple HAS talked about it and decided together that they would get married. The man preparing a proposal is just symbolism, and does not usually affect the actual outcome.

 

As for why people adhere to traditional gender norms, the answer is the same as any other question in that regard. Why are men and women expected to dress differently and groom themselves differently? Why does the child of a couple (and sometimes even the wife) usually take the man's last name and not the woman's? So on and so forth.

 

 

Answers are usually quite varied - in the good cases, the couple just enjoys the tradition and isn't harming anyone, if it is done by mutual consent. In the bad cases, there is indeed resentment or even social pressure, but they dare not deviate from the norm.

[Chilli]

My biggest fear would be l probably wouldn't wanna marry her anyway if l didn't propose , so l'd feel terrible forever.

l mean how do you say no to someone that loves you that much.

[carhill]

IDK, my parents were married for life and jointly chose to elope to a JP in Yuma. No wedding, no reception, no nothing. Back to work on Monday. That was 1953. So much for 'tradition'

 

I was the tradition guy. What a joke. Should've listened to my parents.

[Chilli]

We eloped too , just the two of us , l highly recommend it

[basil67]

My biggest fear would be l probably wouldn't wanna marry her anyway if l didn't propose , so l'd feel terrible forever.

l mean how do you say no to someone that loves you that much.

 

I hear you. You'd want to be 100% confident in a Yes if you were going to propose without having talked about it first. And imagine receiving a No after a public proposal