I don't know with to do with this distance

[Lmasa]

I have been with my boyfriend for one year on november 19th. He is 24, and I am 21.

We lived in the same city (where I now still live) for about 8 months and I always knew he should move to another City because of Higher Education, so he moved late August. Now we have been in a long distance relationship for about 2 months, we live 3-4 hours away from each other and see each other every 3. week, but we have talked to try seeing each other more.

 

I didn't want to go to a Higher Education right now, because I didn't knew what I wanted to study, and therefore I took a break.

For 6 months ago we started talking about moving in together, he said I could move with him to this City he now lives in (at his dads place) and I could find a job there, but at that time I really didn't know if I would, and after 3 months I said yes. In september we looked after an appartment, but it was so expensive so we didn't find anything.

 

But now when we are in a distance relationship, I felt that I wanted so much to move over to him, but I now know that I think it is because of the distance, I think I just wants him closer to me. I don't mind living seperately in same City, but I am always thinking about "What if I want to study something that is only found in another City, then we will still be a distance relationship, maybe just 2 hours away from each Other. But there is still a distance"

 

He lived at his dads place for two months and today he moved into a dorm where only one person must live. He talked about it with me first before he made a decision, but I said he should take it, because I knew how much he didn't want to live with his dad.

But now, I don't know how my future looks like, I dont know what is going to happen with our relationship because of the distance.

I have anxiety so I almost everytime get mad or irritated at him, and he said I have become different,

 

I always have thoughts if he meet new people (female friends). I trust him really, but my anxiety gives me those thoughts. I am scared he will find a Girl more attraktive than me, I really don't know. I think I have low self esteem, because I am always scared he should look at more beautiful girls maybe at a party or outside, I dont know. It is hard to explain. I have been in a relationship before where my ex cheated on me and we were also in a long distance relationship, so I think it is therefore I always overthink.

 

Sometimes I can also be jaloux when he is out with his friends having fun.. I think it is because I dont have those friends where I can go out with. I also always misunderstood people over messages, so I can get sad/mad about nothing I think.

I try now to control my anxiety, we used to always discuss, now I try to talk quitly with him.. But sometimes I always conclude things, and I know it is not good for our relationship, but he try so much to understand me and he is there for me. I just hate myself for being so angry and sad with him, he doesn't deserve it.

 

I always discuss about this when we should live together and I hate myself for it because I think I urge all those things, and I would like to live alone by myself also, but I just want to be close to him... But now where he moved in this dorm, he said we should try to live by ourself first until we feel like moving in together, but I am sad because it was always him who talked about moving in together, and now I feel like he doesent want to, I feel like I have destroyed our relationship even if he says I haven't.

 

He still said he want to live with me, but we should still try by ourself. Is it because I always discuss things? I opened up about my anxiety to him for a week ago and he love I did that.

But I think I urge things, I dont even have a job right now, so I almost overthink everything.

My problem is, now when he want us to live seperately, I am scared of how long we are going to be in this distance, I am scared of if I will discuss again, I am scared of that I am not "the one.". But he says that we can get through the distance..

 

And now if I go to higher Education in august/september, then maybe it is in another City then again we will continue the long distance.. I hate my insecurities and fears. I don't want us to break up because we really have good days when we finally are together! And he knows that, and he says himself that the distance is hard and he wish we were closer.. But he loves the City so much, so I feel like he would never move for me.. I know I myself said yes to move to him and find something where two people can live together.

 

But I really dont know, I hate my anxiety and my overthinking..I am going to see a therapist tomorrow first time, but the thoughts of that we have been in long distance for 2 months, and maybe we will stay for selvrealisering, I dont know. I am visiting him on friday, I really want to talk with him about this. I just dont know how, I dont want him because I dont want it to end in a discussion and I don't want him to think that I dont want this relationship. I just want to tell how I feel, that I don't know if I can this distance for that long, because I know we are more happy Together! I dont want to break up, I just want to tell how I feel. I just dont know how and what to do, because I dont always know if it it me making mistakes or is he also doing something wrong

 

Please someone help me with this :/

Edited November 6, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Cleaned up as much of the mess as my blood pressure would allow

[d0nnivain]

You need to get a handle on your anxiety. That is the problem -- not him, not your course of study & not the distance. Living together isn't going to fix your anxiety or even temper it. You will just obsess over something else & use that to destroy the relationship. You have to fix your issues before you can properly & happily maintain a healthy relationship

 

4 hours isn't that far & you still get to see each other periodically. Yes, it's inconvenient & you no longer have daily contact but it's for a period while he's in school, not necessarily forever. What are you going to do if upon graduation he gets a job on the other side of the country or the world?

 

 

As for your choices of field of study unless you are looking at something very specialized that is only taught at a few institutions calm down, it's a non problem. Almost every university teaches the basics -- liberal arts, business etc.

[smackie9]

I know plenty of uni students that are separated by a whole half country (Canada) and still manage a relationship. They visit each other on long weekends and holidays, and when they are finished with exams. Your distance is not that bad and is very doable. Facetime, and the odd weekend to see each other should be more than enough. Living together is silly, especially when plans are always changing. Just keep it simple and focus on what is more important...education and getting a good start on your life.