Husband says it's over and no going back. .

[Garcon1986]

Well that's the reason he's leaving you then, it's the depression/ anxiety/ panic attacks. When you give someone the power to be your whole world, you will be depressed forever. That is very important. You've learned it the hardest way possible, but this is true.

 

Right now, save your health. If he leaves you tomorrow, uphold your health above all things. Don't do anything wonky.

[Charl]

My depression never flared up when I was with him because I was happy, he suffers from anxiety and panic attacks ad well so we support each other. At the moment I'm staying in his place but he don't want me to stay here. I've got to stay here untill I've saved enough to get out. But I just wanted us to make it work. How could he chuck away a marriage over a argument

[LurkerXX]

I suspect he would be saying these things like this eventually, even if he didn't have the health crisis. If you have so little hope for this, make a move for yourself. Do you have any family in affordable areas? It is time to find a full time job, either where you are or elsewhere.

[Charl]

I have no contact with any of my family and no friends and a part time job, I don't know how I'm going to cope when I go back to work as we work together as well. He said he would never leave me as he can't imgine his life without me so after this argument it's come as a shock

[LurkerXX]

Look.....he entirely meant to hurt you and to shock you, and it made his sorry self feel more powerful to do so.

 

Start looking now for a full time job elsewhere. Do not quit your current job until you have another.

[changingmale]

Have you thought about a safe way house or a homeless shelter for women?

[Redhead14]

I don't know how I'm going to cope - That is the line of thinking you need to drop right now. Make plans for yourself to put yourself in the best position possible for being single. Do everything you can. As for working with him, he's is just another co-worker and if he's making you uncomfortable in the workplace, you go to human resources for support. Get reassigned or transferred if possible but do not quit your job unless you have another one and, hopefully, it will be a full-time job. You need to stop allowing yourself to feel like a victim and start positioning yourself mentally, emotionally and financially to be a survivor. If he continues to threaten divorce, I'd get that ball rolling for him. Call legal aid, for now, and find out what your options are.

[Charl]

I've managed to ring doctors and get some help from a counselling, was going to ask for medication but didn't bother. I find it hard to do anything at the moment as I feel so numb, just wish it was all a bad dream

[stillafool]

I have no contact with any of my family and no friends and a part time job, I don't know how I'm going to cope when I go back to work as we work together as well. He said he would never leave me as he can't imgine his life without me so after this argument it's come as a shock

 

You need to make contact with your family and ask to move back home (on their sofa if necessary) until you can get yourself financially able to live on your own. In the meantime there are women's shelters that will help you. Contact them instead of LS so you can get real help.

[stillafool]

I've managed to ring doctors and get some help from a counselling, was going to ask for medication but didn't bother. I find it hard to do anything at the moment as I feel so numb, just wish it was all a bad dream

 

Call them back and ask if you can get the meds. It's worth it.

[Charl]

I've managed to get some meds. I can't make contact with my family as my mum kicked me out at 15, she chose her boyfriend over me and my dad is a bully. My sister has her life and my brother is disable in a home. I have no one, I just feel so alone right now.

[elaine567]

Is he close to his family?

Do they know about his "bad news"?

[Gaeta]

I've managed to get some meds. I can't make contact with my family as my mum kicked me out at 15, she chose her boyfriend over me and my dad is a bully. My sister has her life and my brother is disable in a home. I have no one, I just feel so alone right now.

 

 

Your husband is a bully too, it happens often women will unconsciously pick men like their father. Get rid of that man asap. I don't care what type of health scare he's going through he's an abuser and a bully.

 

 

 

You will be fine. People divorce every day of the week and they manage to move on. Start looking for a second job, rent a room somewhere and rebuild yourself. Do not ever again be at the mercy of a man! Your sister has her life, we all have our life, but still what is the used of having siblings if we cannot contact them for help when we're at our lowest? When I left my ex I drove to my brother and knocked on his door crying like a baby. I had nothing, not even a change of clothes. I stayed there 1 week. It was hard and it took me a long time to get over that separation but looking back it was the best thing that happened to me.

[Charl]

Yes very close to his family, they are doing there best the same as me but there's only so much I can do. Because he don't want me around him. I don't think his family know we have split up but I don't know as I know if I speak to them it will make things worse. It does feel like he's pushing people away tho as he said no one cares about it, people only care about themselves x

[Charl]

I know at the moment I feel numb and in so much pain, I've tried to talk to my sister about problems before but she not interested, only interested in her own life, I told my husband in sorry if you think I'm not there enough for you and I'm sorry for everything just to make things right as I feel sorry for what he's going through

[elaine567]

Yes very close to his family, they are doing there best the same as me but there's only so much I can do. Because he don't want me around him. I don't think his family know we have split up but I don't know as I know if I speak to them it will make things worse. It does feel like he's pushing people away tho as he said no one cares about it, people only care about themselves x

 

Unless he starts verbally or physically abusing you, I would be in no hurry to move out, as I guess once he gets over the shock, he will calm down.

[stillafool]

Well don't worry about his family. Right now you have to find a place to live. Have you made any calls to shelters yet?

[Gaeta]

I know at the moment I feel numb and in so much pain, I've tried to talk to my sister about problems before but she not interested, only interested in her own life, I told my husband in sorry if you think I'm not there enough for you and I'm sorry for everything just to make things right as I feel sorry for what he's going through

 

 

STOP being sorry! He's a monster, nothing less! He's not the only one dealing with cancer, good people don't turn into monsters over night because they're sick! He was always a monster you just didn't want to admit it before. What he is doing and saying to you is cruel and abusive. Stop being sorry and start being mad.

[d0nnivain]

I've managed to get some meds. I can't make contact with my family as my mum kicked me out at 15, she chose her boyfriend over me and my dad is a bully. My sister has her life and my brother is disable in a home. I have no one, I just feel so alone right now.

 

 

You are not 15 any more. Try reaching out for your mom. She may be thrilled to hear from you after all this time. For all you know, the BF is out of her life.

 

What do you mean your dad is a bully? You may need a bully in your life to protect you from your husband.

 

Understandably your brother can't help.

 

But your sister may be willing to lend a hand temporarily even though she has her own life. She can have a life & still love you -- her sister -- enough to help.

 

If you are desperate give them a try before you right them off. Your black & white thinking here isn't helping you.

 

You may also want to speak to a good lawyer before doing anything. You may be entitled to pendite lite support.

[Charl]

My dad use to beat me and the rest of us, I can't have anything to do with him. I've tried early this year to make contact with my mum she still has the bf in her life and is not interested in my life at all, my sister is close with my mum as she's the golden child.

My Husband said I made him ill. I'm a horriable selfish bitch who only thinks of herself and don't care about any one else, he said I never loved him or cared about it.

He's calm down a bit but not enough he still calling me names

[Gaeta]

My dad use to beat me and the rest of us, I can't have anything to do with him. I've tried early this year to make contact with my mum she still has the bf in her life and is not interested in my life at all, my sister is close with my mum as she's the golden child.

My Husband said I made him ill. I'm a horriable selfish bitch who only thinks of herself and don't care about any one else, he said I never loved him or cared about it.

He's calm down a bit but not enough he still calling me names

 

 

Call a safe house! There they have legal advice for you and financial help to set you up on your own. This man is abusive to you.

[stillafool]

My dad use to beat me and the rest of us, I can't have anything to do with him. I've tried early this year to make contact with my mum she still has the bf in her life and is not interested in my life at all, my sister is close with my mum as she's the golden child.

My Husband said I made him ill. I'm a horriable selfish bitch who only thinks of herself and don't care about any one else, he said I never loved him or cared about it.

He's calm down a bit but not enough he still calling me names

 

Why haven't you at least called the Shelters?

[Charl]

I'm too scared too, I'm so scared of leaving hoping things will change which I don't think they will. I'm scared off being on my own. I'm in bits not knowing what to do anymore. I just miss him so much ?

[Redhead14]

I'm too scared too, I'm so scared of leaving hoping things will change which I don't think they will. I'm scared off being on my own. I'm in bits not knowing what to do anymore. I just miss him so much

 

I'm scared off being on my own. - There is a saying "I'd rather be alone than sick with someone else". Being on your own would likely be the best thing that would happen to you.

 

I don't remember if you said you age, but how old are you?

[vla1120]

I was also told that I was the reason my husband's cancer advanced from stage III to stage IV. I know that's not true, but it is hard to hear, nonetheless. I have also been the person who was diagnosed with cancer and felt I had no emotional support from my first husband, which ended in divorce because of his lack of support and understanding (among other things.)

 

As others here have said, his diagnosis (or fear of diagnosis) is not an excuse to mistreat you. However, if you do love him and want this to work out, you need to step back, don't hound him for attention or try to get him to talk to you. Simply tell him you are sorry for the medical scare he is going through, you think of and worry about him non-stop and you are here for him in whatever capacity you can support him.

 

You have not said this outright, but if you are expressing fear of being alone, telling him you have nowhere to go, telling him you can't live without him, I can see where - as a person who is possibly facing their own mortality, that behavior would be annoying. He needs to know he can lean on you and depend on you to help him through this scary, difficult time. If you want to stay, you need to step up and be the supportive wife he needs right now. That might include getting a full time job so he knows he can rely on you to help support the household if he needs debilitating treatment in the future.

 

Finally, I would never condone abuse of any kind. You do not mention that he has always been abusive. If you think he is lashing out because of his current medical issue, then it should be salvageable. If there is a history of abuse, then you should be looking at alternatives to get out of the situation. I just don't necessarily get the feeling that's the case in your situation, but you know best.