vvutnkl Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 Hey everyone. It's my first time posting here so go easy on me haha, this will probably be a long rant, but I would appreciate some comments or tips. About a week ago my girlfriend of about 1 year and 8 months and I broke up. It was pretty much my fault, but I don't really want to get into that if that's ok. I felt a lot of guilt in the beginning, tried asking for forgiveness and what not. She said (and still says) she loves me but can't be with me. The first few days were really tough, but it has gotten a bit better. Today we texted and it pretty much felt like we broke up again. After reading the NC rules I actually think that's the best way to approach the situation (and that's what I've actually done before). To try and make myself feel better I've just tried talking to some random girls online (not even for making relationships, just to have someone to talk to, or even a hookup, which I don't think will happen). I find that when I'm home alone, laying in my bed, that's the hardest and most depressing time for me. I don't have many friends I can talk to about this (nor do I like to talk about emotional things, with anyone in the world (physically)), and the only time I'm actually hanging out with my friends is like once a week. Other than that, I'm not sure I have anything to do to help me cope. I have a very boring job like 3 times a week (where I do nothing, so it's like being home alone), I don't have any friends I can meet up with regularly to share my hobbies (to be honest, I'm not even sure what my hobbies are - I just feel like I'm wasting my life). I cannot work out (have my own reasons, something mental, not that I'm overweight), and it's really hard for me to meet new friends and people since I'm suffering from social anxiety . I also have depression and used to take anti-depressants, so that doesn't help haha.. Anyways, thanks for reading and letting me share! Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 would you like to embark on the journey of improvement? Link to post Share on other sites
Author vvutnkl Posted November 4, 2018 Author Share Posted November 4, 2018 would you like to embark on the journey of improvement? To be completely honest I'm not sure. I do want to improve and leave this messy situation, but on the other hand being sad and depressed is kind of my comfort zone.. but I would really want to try something new Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 what are your long term goals, and how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author vvutnkl Posted November 5, 2018 Author Share Posted November 5, 2018 what are your long term goals, and how old are you? I'm 21, and my long term goal is just to be happy.. If I'll be able to find someone to be in a long relationship with, that would be the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 5, 2018 Share Posted November 5, 2018 Well I would at least ponder why the relationship failed, if you are clear that it was your fault. Since you are relatively new to dating, I would recommend reading the book "Mate" By Tucker Max, to catch up on a little experience gained by other people's hard work, so you can gain a little of the woman's perspective, and those people who are more experienced in dating than yourself. Although you think you find solace in feeling sad, I would say that it's ok to feel sad temporarily - but few women in the long term like to date an emo, unless they are a high school Goth or something like that. Mature, responsible women will smell fear or sadness from a 1000 yards and quickly reject you. They will however tell you to your face, "I have a boyfriend", or "I'm not available", and then cancel 6 times. You need a full time job or be in the middle of getting a degree in something you really enjoy. If you don't have a lot of passions, start discovering the world, and find a few things that you like. That will give you conversation topics. While doing all this, you should talk to women constantly just for the sake of talking to women, without the expectation of getting their number or starting a relationship. I want this to focus specifically on your conversational skill, and start to tone down that social anxiety. Social anxiety in a dating scene can be interpreted by the woman as "that guy is kind of weird", or "something's just not right", after the lady goes home, rejects you, and gossips to her friends about you. The faster you become confident, the faster you will have more opportunity in dating. Be the best man you can be. I can't send you determination, but I can share with you general guidelines to get there. Link to post Share on other sites
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