eclipse Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Can anyone interpret what my ex may be doing here? My ex and I are friends now and have been talking since June. She has a boyfriend and ever since July she has been calling alot wondering who I'm dating and very subtly throwing her boyfriend in my face trying to make me slightly jealous sometimes. She is not really trying to make me jealous w/her boyfriend now. Since the end of July my ex said she wanted to kiss me, (and we did one night) and she said that she misses me. Then she won't say anything for awhile, and not call as much, then 2 weeks later she will say she misses me again. Then she said once she wanted to talk about it, then she never brought it up. This past week she wanted me to meet her at her school so she could see me, then when I got back home she called later and said she misses me again. She is now being quiet. She always comes running to me when her and her boyfriend fight and her boyfriend doesn't like her talking to me because she always comes and cries to me. From what I know she is happy w/her boyfriend though. I do want her back, but I do not tell her and haven't done anything to make her think I want her back since March. I have made her think I have moved on, and am only her friend. She is just very hot and cold and I don't know what she is doing. (if you are wondering, she broke up w/me last year and I started NC from April - June, till she started calling again). Is she trying to lead up to something or what?
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 She is just very hot and cold and I don't know what she is doing. You already answered your question: She always comes running to me when her and her boyfriend fight and her boyfriend doesn't like her talking to me because she always comes and cries to me. From what I know she is happy w/her boyfriend though. She is using you as the 'in between' guy - the guy she falls back on in between happy times with her boyfriend. As long as you allow her to do this, she will - because it works 100% in her favor. She gets to have her boyfriend and a guy "friend" to fall back on when times are rough with the boyfriend. A perfect situation, which she has no motivation on her own to want to change. You will have to decide if you are happy with this because it won't change any time soon. If you want a change you'll have to make the changes yourself. Tell her how you feel, and that you are sorry that you can't be her "friend" when there is so much more you want to share with her. Then ask her to respect your decision to go to full 'no contact' to protect your heart. Cut her off completely. Ironically enough, if she wants you back and you cut her off like that she will do everything in her power to get you back... perhaps even dump her boyfriend. Its a gamble though - because if you walk away like that, she may just as easily let you go depending on how she really feels about you.
johan Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Should have made a clean break. You may want her back, but you aren't going to get that this way. You're better off just cutting her off and forgetting about her. Maybe that's not what you want to do, but don't give her the power to make you wonder and to make you unsure and to give you false hope. Because she's using it. You can make a clean start with someone else after you've made a clean break from her. I don't believe trying to be "friends" with an ex is ever a good idea. If you CAN be friends, it's only because neither of you really cared about the relationship. If either of you cared, then friends is just disrespectful to those feelings. You care. So forget it.
upsetnhurt Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Eclipse.... I am you six months from now and I have a severely broken heart as my ex never intended to come back to me.....I kidded myself that if I was super nice and compassionaite that she would see the error of her ways..NOT! The minute I asked her to fill me in on her thoughts about us again she simply closed up and walked away letting me know that communication is not an option now. I feel like a fool! Don't be played by her. It may not be intentional on her part yet it is a game regardless. She is only thinking about herself here and certainly not you. She will take as much as you are willing to give and at the slightest thought that you expect and/or deserve more...she will run.
Author eclipse Posted September 12, 2005 Author Posted September 12, 2005 yeah, I am not implying in any way that I want her back, and never bring up our relationship, unless she does. I did do NC w/her for 2 months and when she tried to start contacting me she was mad and tried to make me jealous w/her boyfriend, but then she started to warm up, now we are friends. I have thought about doing NC again. From what everyone says, I should. I would just miss any type of friendship w/her because it was so rough when I did NC before. Do you think I should tell her how I still have feelings for her then do NC, or just do NC without her knowing why? Or just tell her I don't like the way I'm being treated by her now, then do NC?
bluechocolate Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 She's using you & pissing off her b/friend at the same time. You can't be friends because you want more than that & are sticking around in the hope that she'll get back together with you. You're better off just cutting her off and forgetting about her. Maybe that's not what you want to do, but don't give her the power to make you wonder and to make you unsure and to give you false hope.
bendit Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 yeah, I am not implying in any way that I want her back, and never bring up our relationship, unless she does. I did do NC w/her for 2 months and when she tried to start contacting me she was mad and tried to make me jealous w/her boyfriend, but then she started to warm up, now we are friends. I have thought about doing NC again. From what everyone says, I should. I would just miss any type of friendship w/her because it was so rough when I did NC before. Do you think I should tell her how I still have feelings for her then do NC, or just do NC without her knowing why? Or just tell her I don't like the way I'm being treated by her now, then do NC? she is using you. its a very substantial ego boost to know that you are out there pining for her while she already has one chump on the line. she is playing you both. have some self respect and realize what she is doing and if you still LOVE that about her. NC. regards Mike
Baz Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 Tell her you are dating someone else and then sit back and see what happens.
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