6 years of LDR...2 years since our break up..he misses me, I'm engaged to another man

[Mars9119]

Hi there! I'm Lavinia, a girl from Italy. I'm 27 years old and I decided to write here because no one of my friends can really understand what I'm going through since no one had my same experience. But here, I hope that you, fine people, may understand me since I believe you know what I'm talking about.

 

I promise I'll try to keep it short even if I'm trying to resume almost 8 years of my life.

 

Now, I happened to have met this guy when we both were 19. We fell in love, I was living in Italy, he was living in Poland. We loved each other like crazy, we were fighting a lot, we were dreaming a lot, we were making love a lot. When it was time for me to go to university I took languages, and I have now a master degree in english and polish. We had dreams of a life together, me moving there, working there, getting married, having kids. We were even talking about our kid's name.

 

Unfortunately things didn't go as expected. Fighting became just too much because we wanted to be together but mainly for money reasons we couldn't. We have fought for our relationship for 6 years. From 2010 till 2016. Then we realized maybe we weren't meant for each other. He left me in the first place, came back after 6 months but then it was me who realized I was better off without him. Since summer 2016 I offered to keep in touch, to be friends. he was too important to vanish like smoke. any kind of contact would have been ok to me. He refused my offer but he would always write first for events you know like birthdays or christmas.. At the beginning the tone was angry and disappointed and vexed...this has been from 2016 till now.

 

For 2 years he has been waiting for a small occasion to talk, if you know what I mean. And now the tone of our talking feels like...extreme sadness. Like we both realize now, we didn't make it. We failed it, we failed us. We couldn't figure things out. With extreme sorrow. It broke my heart. I thought he didn't love me cause when we were fighting he was treating me very bad...but now I know this boy has loved me since the first time he saw me. I'm pretty sure he never dated anyone alse or had anyone else since we broke up. He says ''hey happy b.day I miss you''...he says ''hey happy easter I miss you''...and so on and the years pass by.

 

He wouldnt go further, because...I'm engaged to another man. He respects that...but seeing his messages...breaks my heart. I really, deeply, madly loved him.

 

After we broke up I was completely destroyed...six months later I met my fiancè. So gentle, so kind, so patient. He stuck back together the pieces of my broken heart. I love him more than anything now.

 

So, my dear, my question now is: once you've experienced another world, another family who loved me like my own one, the food, the people, the language...for 6 years...is it really possible to move on once you've experieced something so extraordinary...or will it be forever a missing piece of my heart?

 

Thank you for your time God bless

[FMW]

Only you can answer that for yourself. Six months wasn't enough time for you to heal from the first relationship before you began your current one.

 

If you have lingering unresolved feelings for the other guy I don't think you are ready to commit to someone else. Certainly don't get married while you're having these thoughts and feelings.

 

You may or may not be able to get closure on the first relationship but you should work on getting resolution in your head and heart.

[bathtub-row]

I wouldn’t try to resurrect the past if I were you. You have a good man and if you drop him for the guy who broke your heart, you will lose him forever. It’s extremely unlikely that things would work out with the other guy because those things rarely do. I know you can’t see it, but the two of you have changed and that magic you once shared has been tainted. It’s hard to grasp that because the past is firmly in your head. I’ve gotten back with people I’ve broken up with and it never worked out.

 

Now, if you really don’t love your fiancé, you shouldn’t marry him. But if you love him, don’t kid yourself that your ex is the better person. He hurt you and your fiancé wants to make a life with you.

[Mars9119]

Only you can answer that for yourself. Six months wasn't enough time for you to heal from the first relationship before you began your current one.

 

If you have lingering unresolved feelings for the other guy I don't think you are ready to commit to someone else. Certainly don't get married while you're having these thoughts and feelings.

 

You may or may not be able to get closure on the first relationship but you should work on getting resolution in your head and heart.

 

Thank you for your answer To be clear and avoid misunderstandings, I'd want to point out that I met for the first time my current boyfriend after 6 months and after almost 2 years of relationship I got engaged about a week ago.

 

Maybe I just got cold feet at the moment of the proposal because it felt like it was all real, all really happening, no way out. When I said yes to my fiancè I said it 100% positive that's all I ever wanted. But right after that, my ex boyfriend came across my mind and I had this voice at the back of my head saying ''think about it, get some good advice, some help'' cause my fiancè is really the best person in the world and I wouldn't ever want to hurt him. His deserves a woman that is 100% his woman.

 

So yeah, of course he knows everything about my situation and the wedding is not anytime soon, maybe one year or two.

 

Thanks again!

[Mars9119]

I wouldn’t try to resurrect the past if I were you. You have a good man and if you drop him for the guy who broke your heart, you will lose him forever. It’s extremely unlikely that things would work out with the other guy because those things rarely do. I know you can’t see it, but the two of you have changed and that magic you once shared has been tainted. It’s hard to grasp that because the past is firmly in your head. I’ve gotten back with people I’ve broken up with and it never worked out.

 

Now, if you really don’t love your fiancé, you shouldn’t marry him. But if you love him, don’t kid yourself that your ex is the better person. He hurt you and your fiancé wants to make a life with you.

 

I guess you're right. I just needed to read it black on white I absolutely love my fiancè, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

 

Thanks!

[d0nnivain]

Cold feet may be part of it, along with nostalgia for the one who got away. Think back to all the reasons you knew that you had to be "done" with your LDR BF. Now go forward with your FI. If you can't make a clean break from the EX, do not marry.