Dating a smoker, drinker, etc, if you don't

[beowulf44]

What is everyones experience in dating according to these attributes? For example, if they are a smoker, and you don't smoke, etc

 

Personally, I'm super clean cut, and don't really do any of this stuff. I don't really mind being out with someone in a drinking environment, but I won't really drink too much myself, if at all. As a result, I used to avoid going out in these type of environments (clubs etc), which I think overall was a negative for some previous relationships (partners who loved music, nightlife, dancing, etc)

 

The age and personality type I'm mostly attracted to (young - mid 20s) is still big on this scene - plus, weed is becoming increasingly common too, and I'm not a fan. But, many (not all, for sure) seem to be into it. It is what it is.

 

Do you guys find that incompatibilities in these area of a relationship generally tend to lead to failure more often than not?

 

Is this too superficial a question?

 

Just wondering!

[SunnyWeather]

It is not superficial at all. The fact that you are questioning these things might be telling you that perhaps, you would do better to find one more who matches your partying tendencies. How important is that to you?

 

We all have our red lines. What's YOURS?

[Simple Logic]

Smokers are like kissing an ashtray. You will have to be the judge of the frequency and volumn of alcohol consumption is accepble.

[carhill]

Lifelong non-smoker here. Didn't start drinking until getting married

 

I've spent a lot of time with someone who doesn't drink or smoke during the week but likes to imbibe when cutting loose on the weekends. I've never been a smoke nazi even though both my parents smoked.

 

I will say one thing, I was a bit surprised, having dated and mated with non-smokers all my life, that the stereotype of kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray turned out to be completely not true with this person. When we've gone at it, I can''t taste or smell a thing and I mean we've gone at it. Don't think I've ever been that amorous with any of the women I've been with, not even my exW.

 

Anyway, the main problem I've seen is she tends to over-rev on the alcohol if not reined in. She knows this. I'd be concerned about dealing with that long-term because drinking to excess, even occasionally, can cause health issues and also create opportunities for dangerous situations. I'm usually good with 3-4 drinks for the evening.

 

However, I do have a male friend who has very rigid views on tobacco and alcohol, even though he smokes weed now and then, and he'd completely avoid a woman like in my anecdote, regardless of how attractive she is. He has.

 

At OP's age, I'd likely have avoided such people, and probably did and just don't remember. At my age, nah, long down the road to death so no biggie. If we get along and have a good time together I enjoy that. I could be dead tomorrow. Live and love today.

[alphamale]

you'll find that a good majority of smokers have some type of psychological or psychiatric issue

[carhill]

Freak in the sheets?

[snowboy91]

Non smoker here but do drink.

 

I always said to myself that I'd never date a smoker since I figured they would smell (and taste when kissing) terrible. That was until I hooked up with someone who smoked - I could only slightly taste it and it wasn't a problem. I then realised it depends more on how much one smokes rather than yes/no - a pack a day smoker is going to smell much worse than someone who only has a couple of cigarettes a day.

 

I find indulging in a couple of craft beers or nice wines on the weekend (or even after a tough weekday) enjoyable, and I'd find it difficult to date someone who isn't willing to share that with me. It all fits in with the way I enjoy life, and people who enjoy really different things in life ultimately end up being incompatible with each other anyway. Which was a problem in my last relationship - she didn't drink unless it was a social event, and even so it would be no more than 1 or 2. In my current relationship it goes the other way - we end up drinking more than we probably should!

 

Ultimately it really depends on the attitude of both people in the relationship. If one drinks (smokes) but not the other, the other needs to be accommodating of the one who does, otherwise one will end up feeling stifled.

[Highndry]

H-E double hockey sticks to the NO. I would NEVER date a smoker. Nasty, filthy, stinking habit. Gives me the willies just thinking about kissing a mouth like that. Reminds me of a woman I used to work for a long time ago. She'd come in from having a smoke and lean over my shoulder to say something when I was on the computer. Her breath was so repulsive I think I threw up in my mouth a bit.

 

I'd date a woman who was a social drinker - 1 or 2 drinks. Anymore than that and I'm not interested. I don't like addicts.

[ExpatInItaly]

No, I am completely turned off by smoking so I could and would not date a smoker.

 

I have the odd drink on occasion, but it's rare these days. I wouldn't be able to date someone who regularly indulged, simply because I see it as a lifestyle incompatibility. My current partner has just never liked alcohol so it works for me quite well.

[smackie9]

I wouldn't date a smoker of anything.....but I wouldn't date a non drinker...I like sharing my beer drinking lifestyle, so they better be able to keep up with me lol.

[alphamale]

I smoked for 30 years and quit back in 2014. i'm so glad I quit and I feel sorry for those still addicted. it is a terrible addiction that is very hard to break.

 

I would probably have a casual relationship with a woman who smokes but not a serious relationship.

[carhill]

Yes, I would generally agree. Both habits present health issues as well as aesthetics issues. Back when I was looking to get married and have a family I would have avoided people who presented such habits and potential addictions. My exW was like me, a life-long non-smoker and light drinker, couple beers or margaritas at most, and no drugs.

 

At my age though I just take things one day at a time with no real interest in or focus on you and me forever stuff. IOW, if a lady and I get along and feel that oomph in the sheets, I'm not perfect and neither is she and that's fine with me.

[Gaeta]

I would not date a smoker. I don't like the taste of alcohol and I don't like the buzz from it still at 53 years old. I found a man just like me who doesn't smoke and doesn't like alcohol...it's almost paradise.

[No_Go]

I would not date a smoker. I don't like the taste of alcohol and I don't like the buzz from it still at 53 years old. I found a man just like me who doesn't smoke and doesn't like alcohol...it's almost paradise.

 

Yup it IS paradise BF and I got together big time because we were the only two people in company parties drinking soda only Currently love going to nice restaurants and ordering Coke when they offer special wine pairings etc. The waitress expressions... priceless. And we probably spend 1/3 to 1/2 of what other people do when going out because of the non-drinking habit

 

Dating smoker (simultaneously an alcoholic) was one of the most terrible experiences in my life. When we lived together, the house was stinking, his clothes were stinking, it was almost unrentable after we left Oh, and he also nearly set the house on fire a couple of times... Not to mention the cost of his 'habit' (2 boxes per day for that dude)...

 

Let me even not start about heavy drinkers. I was sooooo embarrased on multiple occasion by my drinking exes, last one would go to sleep but the alcoholic one was insane. Another dude was truning physically violent when drunk so I was afraid about my life. No thanks.

 

Even the social aspect... I never drink (never did, never will), so I have no interest in going out in bars or social occasions revolving around drinking. It turns from boring to terrible within an hour.

[kendahke]

I don't date people who smoke or who drink more than I do (which is hardly ever), so they never get in far enough with me for that to be a problem.

[Whodatdog]

I was married to a smoker. It was one of the straws that broke the camels back for me. It wasnt so much that he was a smoker, but it was the fact that I asked him not to smoke in the house, because I just hated the smell. He would do it anyway, behind my back. Um..it smells like smoke in here.

 

When it was really lousy weather outside, he'd smoke in the bathroom. Like I wouldnt notice the smoke coming out frm under the door, or the blast of smoke when he opened the door. It wasnt so much the smoking...well it was, but it was that he said he would not smoke inside, but did it anyway. So it caused a lot of fights, and I got tired of fights, and smoke in the house.

 

Ive been with my SO for over 2 decades, he likes beer and wine; I dont, but it doesnt bother me. From now on, with me, smoking is a huge deal breaker. Huge.

[nodramallama]

I totally compromised my "no smoker" stance and dated a heavy smoker for nearly a year. Kissing him was fine, and he didn't taste like an ashtray, however, we really didn't kiss (passionately) that often (huge turn off!).

 

 

What really grossed me out was that his apt. reeked of smoke because of poor ventilation, and the few times I'd stay over I'd go home reeking of cigarettes. Over the course of a few months, my asthma flared up when I hung out at his place for more than an hour!

 

 

 

Oh, I got all the "I'm trying to quit" words, but no attempt was ever made, and I lost my attraction to him.

 

 

What was merely a preference before is a definite hard line now.

[lucky-girl]

Regarding the drinking, I expect most often it would be a question of general compatibility (or not) of how the people like to spend their time. If a non-drinker still enjoys going to clubs or pubs to socialise with friends, probably not an issue. If one person wants to go out every week, partying all night and the other doesn't like doing that, could be an issue.

Of course if you fell for a 20 yr old into nightclubs and partying and are thinking long term - she might be over that scene in a couple of years, or not.

 

First boy I kissed was a smoker and tasted like an ashtray - yuck! I've always LOATHED cigarette smoke and glared at smokers passing by as they polluted the air. NEVER thought I'd date one.

Then I met my lover who smokes. He doesn't reek of smoke like some but I when I'm close to him I can smell it. When I kiss him I can taste it. I have come to relish the taste and smell because I associate it with him.

 

We don't live together though. If we did I might get sick of it. If we get to the point in a relationship where I love him but aren't in love with him, I would likely grow to hate the smoke.

We spent 2 weeks on holidays overseas where he couldn't get his usual brand. I could smell the difference. This one didn't smell like my love, it just smelt like regular horrible cigarette smoke! The smell of smoke everyday and stale cigarettes in the bin got to me. Don't know how much was because it was everyday and how much was because it was the wrong brand.

[FMW]

Smoking results in smelly clothes and homes and I don't want to be in smokey rooms. So smoking would probably be an automatic out for me.

 

I enjoy having a few drinks on occasion and so that would be a positive to me, as long as it was in moderation.

[Nilfiry]

Yeah, I am looking for a pure unicorn with a heavenly temple for a body, so no smoking or drinking for me. Maybe a tiny bit here and there for some events, like weddings or holidays, but nothing outside of that.

[GinON]

If I end up dating later, smokers would be a hard line, off limits for me. I find it vile. I sometimes see very attractive women and then they lift up a white stick...POoF! Unattractive!