hurtbyher99 Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 DIVORCE YOUR HUSBAND Then you can sleep with whoever you want. You dont get to have your cake and eat it to unless you tell your husband I want to sleep with him and your husband says ok. If you sleep with this man you are betraying your marriage, your husband, and his trust, as well as the friendship between your husband and the friend. Not only will you damage your marriage but a friendship as well. Be mature realize this is a fantasy, use the sexual tension on your marriage and F%^& your husband like there is no tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 It's worse every time I see him. What on earth am I supposed to do with this? Is there any solution other than 'suck it up, buttercup'? Instead of exploring the 'what if I could get it out of my system' route, how about you explore the 'what if I could stop seeing him' route? By this I mean tell your husband you don't want to be around his friend at all. If he asks why you'll have to be honest in a somewhat tactful way. There's a good chance he'll still be hurt and offended, but "Hey, I don't want to see your friend at all because it distracts me from you" sounds an awful lot better then "Hey, I'm mad with lust for your friend. Can I have a pass to get a good seeing to?" Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 Actually we DO have control over what we think about. Otherwise how am I able to type right now? Thinking is a deliberate act. You thought about this guy for the past 6 months deliberately. You can stop. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 I thought ignoring it would make it go away, but that is not working, hence my post. I don't know what to tell you, because I would have no problem separating this "fantasy" from my reality - the fact that I love my husband, do not want to hurt him, and I want to keep my marriage. I may be attracted to others, but it would never even occur to me to act on that attraction. I just don't understand others who seem to feel that they have no control, that feelings of attraction/being in love means that they lose the ability for impulse control and rational thought. I suppose, if you find it hard to control yourself around this man the obvious answer is to avoid situations where you will see him. Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 (edited) Quite frankly op, the problem is not that you are not monogamous. The problem is that you are married and your husband may not like some facts about your sexual discoveries. A problem is a situation you can and want change (your marriage), whereas you simply cannot stop being poly and your husband cannot stop being mono. Nobody thinks they will cheat at first until they do. You need to address this issue before it blows up in your face. Edited November 8, 2018 by WomenWubber Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted November 10, 2018 Share Posted November 10, 2018 Actually it's a lot more complicated than that. Married 16 years, happily. I've always known I was less monogamous than he is. He's a one-woman kind of guy, definitely straight. I'm pansexual and happy to be with one person, but would love the freedom to roam on occasion. I've been perfectly happy NOT to roam at all and in fact haven't even found anyone that tweaked my interest enough to want to seriously consider it until now. And it's a newer friend of my husband's who seems to be turning into a best friend and is basically his only local friend right now. OF COURSE. My attraction is purely physical. I think if I could get it out of my system one time I'd be good. But my husband's ego about this stuff is so delicate. If I were to ask him I think he'd be incredibly hurt and jealous and basically destroyed. I'd be fine just letting sleeping dogs lie and all, but I can't get this guy out of my head. For 6 months I've been dealing with this. It's worse every time I see him. I'm having to make excuses why I can't go do things with them when normally I would because I can't stand to be around him. I'm way too distracted for days afterward. What on earth am I supposed to do with this? Is there any solution other than 'suck it up, buttercup'? Because so far that's all I got. I've been trying it for 6 months and it hasn't solved a single thing. First thing, it’s not a damn ego thing for your husband. It is because he loves you and only you. It would destroy him because he would realize that you don’t live him the way he loves you. Why is it you women always say if his ego wouldn’t get in the way or if he was secure enough I could have sex with who ever I want. You sound like a child that can’t have her favorite toy. What to do. Tell your husbad you don’t really love him and give him his freedom to find someone that actually does. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted November 10, 2018 Share Posted November 10, 2018 Knowing you could never be monogamous, you should have never married your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 10, 2018 Share Posted November 10, 2018 Being married is supposed to mean something. Really, you're prepared to throw away your marriage on a "purely physical" desire to sleep with your husband's good friend? How cruel to your husband. You'll destroy two relationships for him, you and his friend. Think about someone else for a minute, how about that? A little empathy. There's a billion guys in the world and you go after your husband's good friend. If you don't want to be married, get a divorce -- but DON'T go after your husband's friends even then. It's mean and selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
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