The One That Got Away - Unexpected Break-Up

[MMJones92]

Hi all,

 

 

First time poster here, but I do read these forums from time to time.

 

So I'd been dating this girl for 2 months or so. We were a great compliment to each other, both career driven, enjoyed similar things but had enough differences to keep things healthy.

 

We met on Tinder and we hit it off straight away on the first date. She works in the health industry and works nights, thus we saw eachother once or twice on weekends, a balance (I thought) we found healthy.

 

I wake up this morning to a message telling me that she isn't ready for a relationship. Her grandmother isn't well (she is very close to her grandparents), she has a big exam coming up in January and she may be relocating to Liverpool (a couple of hours away from me) - This has lead her to think, to the point of panic, that she isn't ready for a relationship. She's being overwhelmed by the commitment aspect. She quite plainly said, she won't change her mind.

 

To confront the inevitable, there isn't anyone else in the picture, I know that for a fact.

 

I'm totally torn, it was going perfectly and it all seems so unexpected. Just last weekend, she took me to meet her grandparents. I thought I'd cope better considering we haven't been with each other long, but it hurts a lot more than I expected. My feelings for her must be a lot stronger than I honestly thought.

 

To me, she was perfect in every way. I'm sat here in work typing this message, heartbroken and perplexed. We've arranged to talk about it properly on Saturday, although she's said she doesn't want any big goodbyes or crying - which I thought was strange.

 

I'm not sure what I'm asking, I could do with some support.

[PRW]

You pushed too hard and drove her away. Most of her excuses were BS to soften the blow. But you just drove her away by trying to "lock her down" too soon,...too much "relationship" talk, too much talk of what you future together might look like.

 

The other possibility is that you just aren't the only guy involved. You met her on Tinder. Tinder is a "hook up" app. If you saw her so did 50 other guys. She probably had a list of them to go through. You may have been #11 out of 25, and in the end you got beat out.

[stillafool]

There may not be another guy in the picture now but there is a guy in her mind that she hasn't detached from yet.

[PRW]

1. she isn't ready for a relationship
   
2. Her grandmother isn't well
   
3. She has a big exam coming up
   
4. She may be relocating
   

Then what was she doing on Tinder? Put it together,...those are just BS excuses.

[Malin889]

Maybe since she’s got so much going on, she just wanted something casual for the time being and she knew you wanted more, so she broke it off. But then, why introduce you to her grandparents?

[PRW]

Maybe since she’s got so much going on, she just wanted something casual for the time being and she knew you wanted more, so she broke it off. But then, why introduce you to her grandparents?

In a lot of cases the woman may have started out being ok with the idea of a relationship (hence visiting the grandparents). But when the guy pushes for too much too soon they get turned off by it. They start to back away a little which then triggers the guy's needy clingy behavor and then the whole thing blows up and the woman just wants to get away fast.

 

I don't know for sure that is what happened in this case, but it is a very common scenario.

[Malin889]

In a lot of cases the woman may have started out being ok with the idea of a relationship (hence visiting the grandparents). But when the guy pushes for too much too soon they get turned off by it. They start to back away a little which then triggers the guy's needy clingy behavor and then the whole thing blows up and the woman just wants to get away fast.

 

I don't know for sure that is what happened in this case, but it is a very common scenario.

 

That’s true, I know I would get a little turned off if a guy did this! Sorry, op.