Open-minded, Regular Guy in the sack

[KatCha]

I just want to find a regular, old-joe type of man, ultimately. I really enjoy sex and have a pretty high sex drive. Everybody is into hard-core stuff, anal penetration, orgies, etc. And that is cool for them, not saying anything about it in a bad light. But it is not for me. Point is, I am tired of meeting men who are only there to rate my performance in bed (and my character, sometimes), by their standards.

 

Should I just ask a man the next time I am close to being in this situation (intimate), if he is into much more in the bedroom than standard intimacy and some passion? I feel weird asking someone if they are porn-addicted, cross-dressing, pain-loving, partner-sharing, bisexuals...without offending them or sounding like a fool or on a high-horse. It is so hard to be enough for a man in today's society with all the distractions and objectifying of both members of sex everywhere nowadays...

 

I am tired of having to be taped or photographed or bruised up, or spanked so hard it makes me tear up, or someone putting on my underwear, or not caring if I get off, or running off right after, or not finishing, no kissing, looking bored, getting upset at me during the act, spying on me through a wall (hello!just tell me to undress in front of you!), only wanting oral, peeing on me ( I mean, seriously...uughh)...the list goes on...and on...and on...am I the onlyfreak left on this planet who is ok just to be there, liking a person in and out of bed, and their presence is enough to turn me on and keep me interested?

 

I like to talk dirty, sexy outfits, some rough-ness or props or whatever...but it isn't about those things for me...it's about having fun with those things and switching it up for my partner...since most men I met have a very short attention span and need the extra stimulation-well, they don't need it...but it can be fun to try something new. I swear, I do not know what to do about this over-load dilemma in the bedroom anymore-maybe if I got paid like a tv star, that would be more consenting than the stuff I have had to deal with-it really hurts a person's pride after awhile.

 

I need to find someone more my speed, but am unsure how to ask a man about his preferences while keeping an open-minded setting between us two...any advice?

Edited November 8, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ElKay]

This is one of the reasons I loved used OK Cupid for online dating. There were some questions that specifically addressed these issues and many guys actually answered them, so it helped me weed out the really "crazy in bed" ones.

 

I only had two serious relationships before this one, though, so I feel like other people will have more to say on this.

[Mrs._December]

I just want to find a regular, old-joe type of man, ultimately. I really enjoy sex and have a pretty high sex drive. Everybody is into hard-core stuff, anal penetration, orgies, etc. And that is cool for them, not saying anything about it in a bad light. But it is not for me.

That's the problem nowadays with porn so readily available today - guys getting their 'education' from porn movies and thinking it's the norm that every woman is begging for anal sex or a threesome, foursome or more-some. Fools.

 

I don't know where you're meeting these sexual deviants who feel the need to bruise you up, pee on you, squeeze their sorry asses into your negligees and all this other stuff, but I can only assume you need to branch out more into the mainstream to meet the guys you're looking for. It almost sounds like you're meeting your men at the local sex dungeon.

[stillafool]

How old are you OP?

[CardsFan01]

Where are you meeting these guys?

[PRW]

I just want to find a regular, old-joe type of man, ultimately.

 

 

I live too far away.

 

 

Although I have a sister in San Antonio.

[PRW]

That's the problem nowadays with porn so readily available today - guys getting their 'education' from porn movies and thinking it's the norm that every woman is begging for anal sex or a threesome, foursome or more-some. Fools.

 

Another school of thought is that the whacked people don't come from watching the whacked porn,...the whacked porn is the product of the whacked people. The more the whacked people in society multiply, the more popular the whacked porn gets. That is the position I come from.

[Els]

I need to find someone more my speed, but am unsure how to ask a man about his preferences while keeping an open-minded setting between us two...any advice?

 

 

Why do you feel that both of these things are mutually exclusive? Lots of open-minded people communicate their own sexual preferences and ask about their partner's. In fact, I'd highly recommend that. Obviously, you don't want a 100-item questionnaire for them to fill in (unless that's your thing, in which case absolutely do that!), but that's a far cry from not talking about it at ALL. Why not just share what you like, and listen to what they like, then make your decision based on that?

 

 

I am tired of having to be taped or photographed or bruised up, or spanked so hard it makes me tear up, or someone putting on my underwear, or not caring if I get off, or running off right after, or not finishing, no kissing, looking bored, getting upset at me during the act, spying on me through a wall (hello!just tell me to undress in front of you!), only wanting oral, peeing on me ( I mean, seriously...uughh)...the list goes on...

 

 

This kind of concerns me. None of this should be done without your consent. Did you consent to it or not? You don't "have to be" or "have to do" anything you don't want to.

 

 

am I the onlyfreak left on this planet who is ok just to be there, liking a person in and out of bed, and their presence is enough to turn me on and keep me interested?

 

 

To be honest, as a kinky girl, in my single days I talked to FAR more men who were mostly vanilla, than men who were actually interested in bondage and SM, lol. I'm surprised that you're having the opposite issue that I had when I was single, although it probably depends on your social circle.

[carhill]

OP, I can appreciate your frustrations. I hear what you're saying about high sexual energy without the fringe and/or deviant components. Straight, good, enthusiastic lovemaking.

 

TBH, I've met very few women in life I could talk to about sex in a straightforward manner. Nothing kinky, just regular stuff. Sure, if they're a bit high they loosen up but sober, nah, zippo. Maybe it's just bad luck, IDK. Even had a hard time with my wife. Perhaps I'm wrong that if adults can have sex they can talk about it. Maybe the women didn't care enough.

 

If you want to ask a man you're intimate with about sex-related things, ask him. Quiet time, just the two of you. Sex talk can even be a part of foreplay, a building of intimacy where you each get to discover your private thoughts and fantasies that few other humans know about. That's part of what makes intimacy and love so special and fulfilling.

 

Anyway, hope you find what you're looking for. Perfect men don't exist. However, I do applaud women seeking out the most perfect for them that they can find. Good luck!