Is A Friend More?

[confused friend]

OK, to try and make a long story short:

 

I met this amazing girl in the fall. Come spring we started doing a lot more together, usually in a group setting. We went on 3 activities alone (dates?) in the span of about a week (2 movies, ice cream, and a baseball game), and then went on another group thing.

 

I got a whole lot of mixed signals during all this, but she seemed to be a lot more "positive" during the last group outing. I decided to figure out what the hell was going on and told her i liked her and asked how she felt about me. After a couple of failed responses, i got this the next day: "I like you, a little bit romantically, I'm attracted to you, and I have a little crush on you, but not enough to do anything about it right now." Then gave me some story about getting involved w/ a friend before and not talking to him for 2 years.

 

Weird thing is, since then we've actually been talking/IMing more than before. We IM at least once every day, usually for more than an hour at a time. Plus we continue to do things together (in groups), and she has actually been more affectionate, giving me many hugs, some where she'll lay her head on my shoulder or chest, and letting me hold her more when she's scared or does something embarrasing.

 

Basically, what is going on? Also, how do I get this relationship to advance without going all-or-nothing on the friendship aspect?

[Tony T]

The only thing you can do is have patience. And keep very slowly taking things in the direction of romance.

 

It is seldom a good idea to start something off as a friendship if you have any idea you might one day be attracted to someone in a more romantic way. Women have a way of putting men into a slot in their head. The slots are, generally: complete dud; acquaintance; activity buddy; friend; friend with benefits; friend with romantic possiblities; a good romantic possibility; a definite romantic prospect; and a romantic involvement. Some are easier to move out of one category and into another than others. But nothing's impossible.

 

Women ALWAYS give EVERY MAN a window of opportunity to move from one category to another. It may be hormonally induced, emotionally induced or situationally induced. It is a window in which there is vulnerability and/or need. However, the window is short in time and the man must be totally conscious and aware to recognize it as such and take advantage. If he fails to make his move during that time, he's dead in the water.

 

So just have patience and pay attention. You'll get your chance to move this around when she's ready...either hormonally, emotionally, or situationally. You'll know when this is BUT you better move then...or else.

 

You can speed up this process, make her want you more romantically, by reducing your availability, by not being so nice and sweetsy, by being unpredictable, etc. Women love mystery. If you are a friend and you disclose every single detail about yourself, you will take every drop of romantic interest away. Let there be days she doesn't hear from you. Just the time she spends wondering where you are and what you're doing is perhaps what she needs. But if you're around all the time, nice, giving, and completely predictable, just give up now...because you don't stand a chance.

 

A lot of men have missed out with great ladies because they just didn't act in time given the window of opportunity. Or because they were way too nice and way to predictable. It's an absolute mystery to me but it's true. Go figure!

[pooh bear]

OK, to try and make a long story short: I met this amazing girl in the fall. Come spring we started doing a lot more together, usually in a group setting. We went on 3 activities alone (dates?) in the span of about a week (2 movies, ice cream, and a baseball game), and then went on another group thing. I got a whole lot of mixed signals during all this, but she seemed to be a lot more "positive" during the last group outing. I decided to figure out what the hell was going on and told her i liked her and asked how she felt about me. After a couple of failed responses, i got this the next day: "I like you, a little bit romantically, I'm attracted to you, and I have a little crush on you, but not enough to do anything about it right now." Then gave me some story about getting involved w/ a friend before and not talking to him for 2 years. Weird thing is, since then we've actually been talking/IMing more than before. We IM at least once every day, usually for more than an hour at a time. Plus we continue to do things together (in groups), and she has actually been more affectionate, giving me many hugs, some where she'll lay her head on my shoulder or chest, and letting me hold her more when she's scared or does something embarrasing. Basically, what is going on? Also, how do I get this relationship to advance without going all-or-nothing on the friendship aspect?