Is my Girlfriend being honest saying Im her best or is she embelishing it.

[loverboy1984]

I have been dating my girlfriend for a year. She is very straightforward and trustworthy but I also know that often times girls tell their guys what they want to hear or make them out to be better than they are. We have great sex and I’ve given her a lot of first she hasn’t experienced (ie: multiple orgasms, longest duration orgasms, orgasm by oral, most frequent orgasms) even though she’s been with 17 guys. I asked her if I was one of the best she’s ever had and she said yes by far. I asked her to rate our sex on average out of 10 she said 9.8. I asked what’s the best she had before me then she said 7.8-8.2/10. So being curious I asked about it more. I learned that she hooked up with that guy only 3 times at a conference a while back. They did it 45 min but she never came but it felt good. He is also apparently about 3 inches smaller than me. She said it was good but horse**** compared to what I have with her. Then she says it’s not fair to compare on a scale of 1-10 so she said it’s better to see it on a scale of 1-100 where he is less than 10/100 and I’m 98/100. So I started doubting at this point thinking she is just trying to make me feel better and wonder if she’s being truthful. I asked was that sex with him disappointing or good. She said it wasn’t disappointing and it was good at the time compared to what she had but it would be disappointing if she had to go from me to that.

 

So so my question is:

is she downplaying how it was with him to make me look better or she telling me the truth?

 

I know it doesn’t matter but I just want to know. I guess Im obsessing over being her best even though many before her have said I was their best. Event hough I didnt think twice if they were lying or not for some reason Im questioning her. She tells me Im the best shes been with, her biggest, the best looking and I dont doubt I could be but I dont want to be one of those guys who is told things they want to hear. I know some girls say that because they love their guy but she said she is not factoring that in.

 

 

What do you guys think?

 

 

Thank you

[Nilfiry]

I honestly would not be surprised either way. It can be honest but with a little exaggeration to make you feel even better, but maybe she has actually had the misfortune of being with guys that are bad at it. We have to be honest here: there are plenty of guys that are bad because all they care about is pleasuring themselves. Although, my take is that she is being honest, even if slightly embellished. Women that I know tend to avoid giving straight answers about these kind of things if they have nothing good to say to avoid hurting your feelings.

[stillafool]

Only she knows the answer to your question.

[basil67]

Loverboy, there are a whole lot of questions here which should never been asked and never been answered. You've opened a Pandora's Box and now it's doing your head in.

 

I'm also wondering why she's telling you all this stuff about being biggest, best looking, most orgasms etc. Are you insecure in this area and she's giving you reassurance? If so, I'd move on from the insecurity and find confidence in yourself.

[loverboy1984]

She swears on her dads life, says shes the most truthful person Ive ever met and that she has no reason to lie. She said shes had good and bad but never great, amazing or mind blowing that shes had with me. I want to believe her and it makes no difference but it bothers me that she changed her scale to make him worse. She said he was about a 7.8/10 and I was a 9.8 but then made it on a 100 scale and said he is 10/100 and Im 98/100 because it better reflects it. So that creates doubt. But then again she did it with this guy 3 times, all 45 min or so and never came. She has done it with me many times that long, sometimes shorter, or much longer and came multiple times. I just feel like that guy was as good and not that much worse, yet he was the best for her before me. She doesnt like to talk about it but I dont want to be deceived or believe Im something someone doesnt believe Im not.

[loverboy1984]

Loverboy, there are a whole lot of questions here which should never been asked and never been answered. You've opened a Pandora's Box and now it's doing your head in.

 

I'm also wondering why she's telling you all this stuff about being biggest, best looking, most orgasms etc. Are you insecure in this area and she's giving you reassurance? If so, I'd move on from the insecurity and find confidence in yourself.

 

 

Maybe there is a bit insecurity but Im generally very confident and Im more concerned about being the best for her. Also Im a bit jaded and have been lied to so many times that I have trust issues, so its a bit of both and I know its all me. I just dont want her to make me out to be better than I am if its not true.

[Logo]

Actions speak louder than words. A woman could tell me that she loves me more than the moon and the stars, but if her actions say otherwise it means nothing. I learned that the hard way.

[darkmoon]

if she keeps spending the night with you, she is happy, she seems to know what - and who - she wants, so stop worrying

[Cojack123]

I’m the same with the honesty part. I think what your wanting to know is WHAT you can do to be the best. It’s frustrating to talk about with women because most answers are “your doing everything right” when I know a little critic will raise my confidence and give me direction even in a small way. It shows me she cares and is active in our intimate relationship.

 

Also it is a question to have since she has had several partners. Knowing what she likes is key to the sexual relationship just as knowing her emotions is key to the emotional relationship. Redirect the questions and don’t make them broad or mention other people, rather direct it toward YOUR performance and sex life. It also may help to raise these topics during (not in depth) or just after sex so she is focused on the sexual activity and her mind is fresh on it.

[Cojack123]

Also the female body and mind works more with emotions in regards to sexual activity I’ve learned (or maybe not i am a male) haha

[elaine567]

I think everything except "We have great sex" is utter nonsense.

What else is she going to say to "I asked her if I was one of the best she’s ever had" of course she is going to say "yes by far"?

 

What do you want? The honest truth..???

 

"ON Saturday you were about no. 10 on my list, just average, but sorry on Tuesday you were pretty awful... but I remember that night we were on holiday and it was almost the best, though Jamie my ex probably out did you."

If you do not want to hear that one day then stop asking.

 

This scoring system for sexual performance is total madness...

If she loves you, the sex will be fantastic for her, if she doesn't love you, then no amount of "multiple orgasms, longest duration orgasms, orgasm by oral, most frequent orgasms" will make a blind bit of difference to how she feels about you or how she will feel about the sex you gave her.

Emotions play a big part in sex and the perception of sex.

This wanting to be the best and "Was it all right for you" and other insecure rubbish, will soon start to annoy her.

[Logo]

Look, if you two are open with your communication, then if something doesn't sit well with her, she will be comfortable telling you.

 

Instead of asking questions, try to foster an environment where you two can open up to each other about your wants and needs.

 

With sex, both of you should be able to talk about things openly. "Hey, do you have any fantasies or do you want to try something different?" "What did you have in mind?"

 

 

Relationships are a negotiation. It's a constant give and take.

Edited November 7, 2018 by Logo

[d0nnivain]

II know it doesn’t matter but I just want to know.

 

What do you guys think?

 

As much as you say you want to know, you don't. Trust me.

 

Take her statement at face value -- that you're the best. If you keep pushing for clarification you are going to make yourself crazy; you are going to get your feelings hurt &/or she will end up dumping you because you are acting like a needy crazy person who is a pain in her ass continuing to harp on this.

 

Asking for things like the other person's # or some kind of insane "ranking" (am I the best) is only asking for trouble.

 

When she says you are the best, believe her! Stop talking & just accept what she said on that score even if you think she's lying. She is telling you this, maybe because you are the best & maybe because she wants you to be happy. As for the rankings, being her "best" doesn't necessarily make you any good. Every other guy could have been really terrible. Remember in the land of the blind a one eyed man is king.

[Logo]

Seriously, if you keep obsessing over this, you're going to find yourself being 1 on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the best.

 

 

 

So stop it. Stop sabotaging your relationship.

 

 

 

Move on.

[losangelena]

Maybe there is a bit insecurity but Im generally very confident and Im more concerned about being the best for her. Also Im a bit jaded and have been lied to so many times that I have trust issues, so its a bit of both and I know its all me. I just dont want her to make me out to be better than I am if its not true.

 

You’re so confident you kept harping about it to her, and so confident that you wrote a whole post about it. Sure, yes, very confident.

 

You need to stop asking her this question. There is no answer good enough. She says you’re not the best, you’re going to worry, she says you’re the best too often or too emphatically, you don’t believe her. How can she win here?

 

Good grief. No one here can bring you peace of mind. Figure out a way to let it go and be satisfied in your relationship.

[loversquarrel]

Unfortunately the only way to truly know is not to ask, but rather hear it from her on her own, otherwise it comes off as insecure and women don't respond well to that.

[MidwestUSA]

Some questions should never be asked.

 

And there's really a rating system? Right down to a decimal place? :lmao:

[preraph]

If she had volunteered the information instead of you asking, then it might be a real answer, but literally every woman knows all guys who have to ask are going to be butthurt, accusatory and pouty if they get anything except a resounding "yes." So...who needs that.

[WomenWubber]

She's lying probably. What if she were not though? That just means she hasn't met someone bigger and better than you. But trust me, eventually she will.

 

How will you deal with that then?

[bathtub-row]

17 guys?! Wow.

 

She could be lying or telling the truth. Who cares? Why do guys get so hung up on this stuff? Most people are just happy with the person they're with, unless they're just really mean or lousy. I'd suggest that you drop the whole topic.

 

You know, lots of people have fantastic sex but that does not a relationship make. You're really overly focused on the sex part. What's the rest of the relationship like? I mean, you could be the master sex guru but a bore to be with outside the bed, or dumb as a box of rocks. The measure of a good relationship encompass a lot of things.

[losangelena]

17 guys?! Wow.

 

She could be lying or telling the truth. Who cares? Why do guys get so hung up on this stuff? Most people are just happy with the person they're with, unless they're just really mean or lousy. I'd suggest that you drop the whole topic.

 

You know, lots of people have fantastic sex but that does not a relationship make. You're really overly focused on the sex part. What's the rest of the relationship like? I mean, you could be the master sex guru but a bore to be with outside the bed, or dumb as a box of rocks. The measure of a good relationship encompass a lot of things.

 

Is 17 guys a lot? What if you’re 33 and you had sex for the first time at 16? That averages to one partner a year. That’s hardly promiscuous.

[snowboy91]

I have been dating my girlfriend for a year.

 

<snip>

 

Your first sentence, and this is all you need to know OP. She's been with 17 guys before you and chose to stay in a relationship with you for a year. Why? Because she has strong romantic feelings for you... which makes the entire relationship (including the sex) fulfilling.

 

Or if you look at it another way - she wouldn't have stayed with you for a year if the sex wasn't good. But your insecurities could erode the relationship over time, so try to keep it in check.

[guest569]

Omg the decimals make it sound legit though. This gal is serious about her grading. Can you ask to see the marking rubric? Find out where those 0.2 are missing. I'm a perfectionist and that is doing my head in. A smack on the butt now and then? Bit more tongue in the ear? Use fingers to trace decimal numbers on her clit?

 

When you ask that question, it is really impossible for her to say no. "yeah I've had better." ouch. Personally if I was asked I would be honest though if the sex was lacking in some way. I get why it's hard to believe it because you cornered her. But.. I think you should believe her..

 

You're her best for sure, you guys have an awesome sex life. Enjoy it and don't over think it. Don't ask about her past lovers. Nothing could kill the fire faster than daydreaming about ex lovers.

[Andy_K]

Here's an experiment. Tell her she's in the top 5 girls you've slept with, but you've had better. Watch her opinion of your skills magically change and downgrade. Realise you can put about as much stock in her 'before' answer as you can her 'after' answer. Try not to panic as the insecurity of realising you'll never really know the truth chills you to the bone.

 

In other words... get over it. If she says the sex is great, that's all you need to know. If you want to make a good impression, you're best off focusing any further mental energies improving how she feels about the other aspects of the relationship you're in.

[preraph]

Talking about how you compare to other people just shows that one, you're insecure; and two, you're too focused on the sex part of the relationship. Getting pumped up because one woman says you're "the best" is just sad.

 

The guy I enjoyed sex with most was probably the worst/laziest in bed, but I was very into him, and for women, if their head isn't into them, the best sex in the world won't make her want to keep a man.

 

The best sex a woman has is just as likely to be a one-night stand as not. The guy I had the best sex with was only in town for one day and in a future biography, his wife wrote that he was "a very naughty boy." So it wasn't just me. But you have to understand that it's not always about orgasms either. Like that night, I was far too alert and interested to be relaxed enough to orgasm, no fault of his, but it was still the best sex night and a favorite memory.

 

And 17 is nothing once you stop grading yourself and women over how much they enjoy sex.

Edited November 8, 2018 by preraph