NowWhat77 Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 (edited) Hello all! I’m new here and this is my first ever post. Not sure exactly what I hope to gain by posting my story, but here it goes... I’ve been married 10 years and have a son in elementary school. My husband and I are more like roommates than a married couple. I’m stuck in a marriage void of any form of intimacy. I can’t remember the last time we had sex, held hands or hugged. A few years into our marriage, I caught him having an emotional affair. I tried to talk to him about it and it somehow seemed like it was my fault. I was driving him away because I always had family around. I focused my energy on us and distanced myself from my family. Instead of putting my mind at ease, he started becoming secretive and cold. When I tried to talk, I was to blame again. We didn’t have anything in common, I don’t care about the same things he does, etc. Stupid idiot that I am, I then found ways to show more interest in the things he likes and his hobbies. Still, he was becoming even more distant. I later found out that he still has “friends” he regularly chats with. I gave him an ultimatum and in the end, he decided to leave our home. It took me a while, but I managed fine. We had visitation schedules so he can spend time with our son but he always insisted that I come with them if they’re going out. Whenever I’d tell him that I want to stay home, he would then decide that we can just hang out at home. I honestly think he’s scared of being alone with our child. What I found strange was about a year after he left, he started being nicer to me. Not in a romantic way, but still a far cry from the person he was when he left. I decided to move to a less stressful, provincial town for the sake of my child’s health as the city pollution was giving him colds every month. A year after my son and I moved (he would come over and visit for a few days during this time), he decided he wanted to move to where we were. My mistake that I regret big time, was that I allowed him to move back in with us. I asked him why he was moving back in, he said he wanted to work on our family. 3 years later, we are worse off than we’ve ever been. I have never been so lonely in my whole entire life. I recently told him I wanted a divorce and he refused. He won’t move out either. He’s using our son as an excuse saying that our child needs both of us. I’ve tried to be understanding but I think he must have intimacy anorexia. He refuses to admit that we have a major problem. I don’t think I can continue living this way. Edited November 8, 2018 by NowWhat77 Link to post Share on other sites
Nilfiry Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 If you are serious about getting a divorce, you can petition the court for a divorce. Make sure you have some firm grounds for the divorce and gather your evidence (like you would for any court case) before you go. The court will then send him a summon to answer the petition. If he does not answer the petition or show up in the allotted time, you may be able to get the court to give you a default judgment. If he does answer the petition, however, be prepared for a hearing. You will need to convince your judge that you have reasonable ground for divorce, such as proving abuse or adultery. These are just bare-bone basics, though. Things like children will significantly complicate your divorce, and it will probably take a long time to resolve. You should consult with a lawyer or do research into how things work in your state/area. Nevertheless, the point is that you can get a divorce even if one side does not agree to it. Do not feel that you re stuck in the marriage. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 I don’t think I can continue living this way. �� Is there some reason you think you need his permission to separate? Divorce is easier if amicable, but certainly solely doable by either partner. If you’re done, see a lawyer and file... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 If you live in a no-fault state, a reason for divorce is not required. Should that be the case, your husband's refusal should only slow down the proceedings. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 Agreed. If you want a divorce, find a good lawyer and file the papers. Link to post Share on other sites
Arris Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 Sorry for your situation. Like others have said, find out what your state requires to divorce. Other than that, what issues does your husband have? No sex, or hugging or anything? Try talking to him, but try to do more listening and see what he says. Are you able to check phone records or read his phone openly? Can you check for deleted texts from phone bill records? I'm sure you have your suspicions. Try not introducing your needs or feelings, just listen and get him to open up. I don't know how he can say you don't have major problems if you are asking for a divorce and trying to kick him out. Link to post Share on other sites
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