Having a hard time taking the step.....want to go away

[Kriyah]

Hi,

 

I am Kriyah. I am from India. I got involved with a married guy and now I just want to forget him and move on.

 

I have known him since 13 years. Ours was an on again off again sorta relationship. He always had other women in his life. He contacted me only when he desired. But I was head over heels for him. He was my first love. With every breath, I wanted to hold on to him. But then, few years back he got married.

 

We stayed in touch even after that. In the middle I got busy with my work and studies. I also tried to move away from him and successfully did it for a year or so. I did not even feel once that I need to contact him. I was happy in my life until recently.

 

One day I stumbled across his contact and pinged him. He replied promptly. He had moved abroad and was staying alone at that time. He talked so nicely that I fell for his words once again. In a week I don't know how but I got into a relationship with him knowing that he is married and has a child.

 

Everything was going fine. Then he told me one day that his wife and child would be moving in with him. I dont know what got into me but I found it terribly hard to share him with anyone else. The fights started and I could never make him understand how much I wanted him. Last day I asked him if he loved me. He said "I don't think so".

 

This has shattered me. I still pinged him today and tried to talk but it's like I'm killing my self respect every time. I dont want to be with him. Every day I wake up amd tell myself that today I wont text him. Then as the day goes by, two parts of me start fighting. And the part that says to talk to him always wins. Always. I'm tired of drowning myself for him. Someone please tell me how to survive!

[pa2k]

Its like an addiction, everyone knows that drugs and alcohol are bad for them, but many people do it anyway. Sadly though it is self destructive, but perhaps to some, the very short term high at the time is worth the long term pain.

 

But you are lucky in a way that you realize the pain outlasts the high, and that it is hurting your self-esteem and causing you pain. When he said he doesn't think he loves you, that should be your wake up call. This man is no prize.

 

Its not too late to run - not walk, away. Keep yourself busy, work, move, go back to school, meet new people, make a change. Perhaps if you find out what the void is that this man fills for you, find more constructive ways to fill it. He is toxic and not the answer you need.

 

You can do better and you deserve better.

[misspalmy]

Tell his wife. she needs to know what hes like and it will help you as he will drop you for her, leaving you alone.