furby19 Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 I have noticed that my boyfriend allows his daughter to get away with things that I know she does not try to get away with when she is with her mother. I have tried talking to him about the situation because I feel that he should grow a backbone and stop allowing her to take advantage of him but he seems to always get angry when I try to discuss the issue with him. Should I just keep my mouth shut from now on? I am starting to feel like I should just allow him to parent her however he wants to but it really bothers me to see a child take advantage of a good guy. What would you do? The child is ten years old and we have been together for a little over a year just to give a little more information. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 You need to stay out of it. She will always be his "little girl", "daddy's girl", etc. and if you try to come between them I can guarantee you will lose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author furby19 Posted November 8, 2018 Author Share Posted November 8, 2018 You need to stay out of it. She will always be his "little girl", "daddy's girl", etc. and if you try to come between them I can guarantee you will lose. I have really been struggling with this because I do not think she is his child. I feel this way because he recently got into an argument with her mother and she told him that their daughter does not belong to him. I asked if he ever had a blood test taken. He said, "no". He said that the child's mother is "bi-polar" and has been saying this for years just to get under his skin. It really stunned me that someone would continue to pay child support for a child who looks absolutely nothing like him after being fed this information. I just can not understand. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 It doesn't matter if she's his biological child or not. In his heart she will forever be his little girl and even if he found out she wasn't his he would still love her but hate the mother. Again, don't try to come between them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author furby19 Posted November 8, 2018 Author Share Posted November 8, 2018 It doesn't matter if she's his biological child or not. In his heart she will forever be his little girl and even if he found out she wasn't his he would still love her but hate the mother. Again, don't try to come between them. Thanks for responding back. I really wanted to know what you thought. I think you are right. I am just going to shut up and let him do him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
noelle303 Posted November 8, 2018 Share Posted November 8, 2018 If he is on the birth certificate, he is that girl's father in the eyes of the law and I'm guessing in the hearts and minds of both him and her. He doesn't have to be her father biologically to see her, treat her and care for her as his own child. As far as how he's raising her - stay out of it. It's not your place. You can always tell your boyfriend that you would like to take yourself out of his family life and his child's life if it's too much for you and spend time with only him when the daughter's at her mother's house. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 I think you are right. I am just going to shut up and let him do him. Wise decision. None of this has anything to do with you, a concept you accept when you date a man with an ex and a child... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 It really stunned me that someone would continue to pay child support for a child who looks absolutely nothing like him after being fed this information. I just can not understand. My ex-h had a 3 year old when I met him. A couple of years after the birth of the child the mom told him she cheated and wasn't sure who the father was. My ex-h refused to do a blood test, to him this was HIS daughter and he played her father till the day he died and never once questioned if she was his bio daughter. It's called bonding, it's very strong and it last a life time, it's also stronger than blood. Your boyfriend let her get away with things because he feels guilty of being divorced. The mom gets her full time and he gets her on weekends? or every other weekend so when she's with him he wants it to be happy, he doesn't want to spend his time disciplining her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Doesn't mean you have to let her take advantage of you, though. But you can't tell him what to do. Maybe if you're clever you can show him there's another way, but do it without doing anything to set either of them off. Link to post Share on other sites
Stomper Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 (edited) I knew from the time my son was born that he wasn't mine. Eventually got around to having it confirmed by DNA, and it has never once changed how I think and feel about him. I was always more of a parent than my ex, so in effect he's more my son than hers. Never, ever, manoeuvre a father into a situation where he has to chose between you and his child. You literally can never win. For some perhaps the bond is weaker, but the fact is is so completely bonded to a child who might not be biologically his, says it all. I'm not sure what a 10 year old would be getting away with that could cause such angst? But yes, as an absentee father, he will spoil her more than her mother. Reality is, as "step-mom" you should too. Most kids that age aren't deliberately manipulative, they're just kids. They take what they can get, especially in a broken marriage. You need to be a lot more accepting. It will never be "happy families," as long as she lives with her mother, but you need to make sure than when together you can function as a family unit. You can always tell your boyfriend that you would like to take yourself out of his family life and his child's life if it's too much for you and spend time with only him when the daughter's at her mother's house. Oh yeah, that's going to work. Edited November 14, 2018 by Stomper Link to post Share on other sites
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