The beginning of NC - the journey

[richs86]

Hey!

 

So About a week ago, the GF ended it. Just as I thought she'd found someone else. I've gotta see her in 2 days to grab my keys/ swap some stuff etc etc but after that I'm going to do what has worked in these situations for me always in the past.

 

6 months minimum no contact.

 

I'm approaching this breakup differently to some of the others I've had in the past as I know unequivocally that NC works every time. I'm using this thread as a way of documenting the journey over the 6 months from start to end, as usually you'll either get the first little bit then people shoot off, or one long thread about how it worked and you never see the bits in between.

 

So, here you go, the beginning of the story. Let's see how it works out.

 

 

****EDIT****

 

Within 30 minutes of posting this, I've been asked out on a date. Always works.

Edited November 9, 2018 by richs86

[PRW]

6 months minimum no contact.

 

There is no such thing. "No Contact" is not a noun, it is a verb.

If it is "6 months" then it is nothing more than "delayed contact", DC?, employed for the purpose of manipulation.

 

She dumped you.

You don't contact her anymore at all,...period,...unless she contacts you. If she contacts you first then you can respond. That is what "No Contact" means. She dumped you, she has all the options,...you have none,...other than to move on and find another date.

 

You have been incorrectly taught what NC is and how it works. It is nothing but an artificial fabrication invented by today's twisted dating environment. You go back a few generations in the past you just didn't have this kind of crap. Back then men were masculine and knew how to be a man,...they didn't get dumped as much in the first place and when they did on occasion get dumped they just figured it was her loss and moved on to the next one.

[Gretchen12]

What do you mean by "worked"? Your ex asked you out?

[richs86]

Nope, I was asked out by someone else, and within 30 minutes my ex then text me out of nowhere asking if we could go for a drink this weekend.

 

As I said, always works. You set the intent, you let it go, and dependent on how strong your mindset is it works. This is about me and my journey however, not about getting her back. Not yet anyway, my mind isn't made up on that yet.

Edited November 9, 2018 by richs86

[Marc878]

Smart move. Most just can’t get it done upfront.

 

The other thing you’ll get as you have time to reflect back is there anything there got you anyway

[richs86]

Smart move. Most just can’t get it done upfront.

 

The other thing you’ll get as you have time to reflect back is there anything there got you anyway

 

 

In all honesty I wasn't expecting it so soon, but then that's kinda testament to the process. I've already got it set in my mind that I want the best version of me rather than doing this with a view to get "her" back. I think this is where most fall down. They do no contact and expect that xyz will come back after that period of time. That's not how it works. If she wants to talk it over now it won't be because she wants me back it'll be because she wants something else from me. Not gonna happen.

[richs86]

What I haven't touched on yet is the law of attraction in these matters. Massively important. So within half an hour of my original post there was 2 date offers. Didn't accept and glad I didn't. By way of the law of attraction I'm not ashamed to say last week I wasn't calibrating correctly. I was too focused on loss and therefore operating out of a place of fear. That's a guarantee to fail. Last 2 days I've just sat with myself, allowed the feelings to come and pass and now I feel in a much stronger and better position than before. What I realised is that for a long time I haven't been practicing self love. How can I possibly be a good partner to anyone if I don't love myself first? That got lost somewhat the past few months. So, back to regular exercise, healthy eating, off the booze and meditation.

[richs86]

So today it's been sorting out swapping a few things. Absolutely knew she would be in a strop because I turned down a drink over the weekend. So, the immature child text comes over. I've not even responded. This is where NC really begins. The plan is:

 

- Turn my focus back onto myself. It's easy in these situations to get 'lost' and say things like 'I can only be happy with xyz.' I've realised over this weekend I've been saying that a lot about my past partners over the years so now it's time to make me happy. I mean, I've really abused myself for a long time. How dare I do that?! I deserve better.

 

- Exercise and healthy eating are key here. I've spent way too many hours in the pub or with a smoke in my hand and not looking after myself properly. Since I've chosen to focus inward, I've noticed where I can improve and I know how to do it.

 

That's the plan for the next 30 days; look after me and me alone.

[richs86]

And so it continues. Now trying to talk to me through mutual friends. Albeit in a not very nice way, but if this was a week ago I would have bitten it. This is what no contact is all about. I'm getting stronger and stronger by the minute, making it all about me. It's funny though, even as I write this the ego starts to chip in. 'Ask mutual friend if she messaged out of the blue or did you speak to her first.' And such. But I'm stronger, better, and smarter than that. It's absolutely sending her nuts that I'm not reacting to this. And I'm past the point of caring. This is also my strongest indication to stay away from all social situations that she could possibly be at.

[richs86]

So today is the anniversary of my Mum passing. After yesterday, the temptation to lash out is staggering BUT I have to centre. This, too, shall pass. It's just a day. I know that the universe is looking after my best interests and I'm on the right path. Amazing how other events (Mum's anniversary, lack of sleep etc) can affect something that just 12 hours ago I was rock solid on. All about taking it one step at a time.

[Marc878]

It's best to "let them go". Sounds simple but never is.

 

It's a process and your logic is sound.

 

You'll be fine

[richs86]

It's best to "let them go". Sounds simple but never is.

 

It's a process and your logic is sound.

 

You'll be fine

 

Oh absolutely. I felt really low yesterday about things but today I'm back to normal, all down to what day it was.

[richs86]

So today has been absolutely incredible. Realisation that I have so many people in my life who love and care for me unconditionally. I got a promotion at work. I'm seeing friends tomorrow. Thoughts are fleeting now, I'm catching them and boxing them up. I've so far lost half a stone, I'm smiling and I'm happy with what I have and so excited for what the future holds for me.

[richs86]

Well it's taken exactly 5 days and the text to initiate contact again by her has been sent. I'm choosing not to respond to this. This is where a lot of people will fall down. I've got a lot going on at the moment and I want and need to focus on me.