Mr. Lucky Posted November 10, 2018 Share Posted November 10, 2018 Says she never had any intention of cheating on me. OP, you were in the same marriage - did you cheat? At this point, she’s just revising history... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigpat7676 Posted November 10, 2018 Author Share Posted November 10, 2018 I never cheated. I also want to say she spoke to her friend today and told her even though we've gotten to this place in our relationship that she still loves me, feels she is going to end up alone and us scared to move out but feels if she doesn't do it now she never will. She stresses she has "NEVER" been on her own. Does any of this make a difference or even matter at this point? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 10, 2018 Share Posted November 10, 2018 I never cheated. I also want to say she spoke to her friend today and told her even though we've gotten to this place in our relationship that she still loves me, feels she is going to end up alone and us scared to move out but feels if she doesn't do it now she never will. She stresses she has "NEVER" been on her own. Does any of this make a difference or even matter at this point? Have you been for marriage counselling? If you have any hope to save this relationship, the two of you need to TALK to each other. Your mother in law need to back away - her behavior is ridiculous and not helpful. Your wife has given you many signs that she wants out of this marriage. She may still love you, but she wants out but she is scared to be alone - thus the feeling that she stays because you are her safety net. If that is enough for you - a wife who has one foot in and one foot out the door - then you can propose marriage counselling. Her answer should tell you everything about her intentions... Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted November 10, 2018 Share Posted November 10, 2018 You have been recording her for a while. You have been violating her privacy. When did you start doing that--before or after she engaged with the other man? Why did you start recording her without her knowledge? Do you think she felt loved and valued by you in the marriage before she gave the ring back to you? Suppose she changes her mind and decides to stay with her marriage with you. How would things be different? Would you want to have sex with her then? For how long do you think a woman can carry on without feeling wanted by her husband? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 10, 2018 Share Posted November 10, 2018 I never cheated. Trouble is to some women, porn IS cheating. You withheld sex due to revulsion for your wife, and turned to masturbating to hot women online? How do you really think that made her feel? Her relationship of 20 years turned to dust, no loyalty from you whatsoever. I guess her weight gain was probably due to unhappiness in the relationship, you start withholding sex and turn to porn and that was the last thing she needed. It was essentially the last straw. She takes off her rings and is done. Your relationship effectively ended there. Along comes Mr Boss with his shoulder to cry on and she unloads to him... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 10, 2018 Share Posted November 10, 2018 Apparently her new love interest has no problems with it. And he's far from the only guy who's attracted to a big woman. She is now 180lbs, only 20lbs off her weight when she got married. Link to post Share on other sites
Samsara555 Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 (edited) I don't think you can see it now, but you really need to be out of this situation and her out of your life. She doesn't seem like a very pleasant person, and she is manipulating you and others around her, to get what she wants. Sorry to say this, but you need to wake up and love yourself enough to have this person out of your life. Much like I've experienced, reality will creep in the longer you have this person gone, and one day that light bulb will flick on above your head, and you'll see her and this situation for what it is. Don't let yourself be available if and when it fails with this guy; it probably will as they both seem like the devious and unfaithful type, so at least one of them is going to end up doing the dirty with someone else. Get into exercise, meditation, yoga, swimming, anything that will help you shift focus from her onto you bettering who you are physically and mentally. I feel that you have work to be doing on yourself as a person too, some of your behaviour doesn't seem virtuous and or compassionate. Edited November 12, 2018 by Samsara555 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigpat7676 Posted November 12, 2018 Author Share Posted November 12, 2018 Should I be concerned that the more I wait on divorcing her the more money she will ask for as she begins to struggle more? I ask this because she says at this point she doesnt want to do a simplified dissolution of marriage at this point. My only option is to petition her. She also tells me she is okay with me filing for divorce now and I should do what is best for me. I told her I feel like she is using me as a safety net and she doesnt agree. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 she doesnt agree. Thoughts? OP, it’s time (actually past time) to stop listening to what she says and start paying attention to what she does. She’s left you and is planning a life with someone else. Anything else is just white noise. Get a lawyer and follow his advice. Given your circumstances, money well spent... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 I told her I feel like she is using me as a safety net and she doesnt agree. Thoughts? She told you to file for divorce. How is that using you as a safety net? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigpat7676 Posted February 13, 2019 Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 I spoke to my wife on New Year's and she told me she misses me. I only replied "OKAY". On Feb 1 she told me she misses me and is lonely. On 2/9 I asked her to meet for lunch. It was mostly pleasant. She told me she wanted to have sex, but wasnt sure if she was just wanting it out of selfishness and might be trying to use me. She also stated she is NOT ready to get divorced at this time. On 2/10 I asked her to come over. She did and we had sex. Should I have had sex with her? Did I make a mistake? Should I continue to have sex with her? Will it potentially make her fall in love with me again? What should I do for Valentine's Day if she reaches out? Through text? Call? Link to post Share on other sites
El Duendecillo Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 The answer to your questions depend on what her intentions are. Is she still having an affair with her boss? Did she consummate their emotional affair by sleeping with him after she moved out? Does she rely on you financially still? You mentioned in your original post that you felt she was keeping you as her plan B, and could it be that things did not work out with her lover boy? Now she's lonely and wanting to run back to you. This is of course all speculation, but before you rush to have her back, you need to know exactly why she's suddenly showing interest in you. Are you fully prepared to forgive and work through her emotional, or possible physical affair? Link to post Share on other sites
skriti659 Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 She is cheating on you. Keep on recording all these pieces of evidence for the future. It will help you in getting a less expensive divorce as the law is in more favour of women than men. Because she may ask for huge alimony and property if you initiate divorce without appropriate reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 You should wish her the best in her new relationship and file for divorce. Nothing good will come from you sleeping with her. She could drag your divorce out and make you pay even more in the long run. You don't have to be mean to her just tell her your ready to move on. If you allow this to go on she will just play with you until she finds another guy. Link to post Share on other sites
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