Made a mistake. Stood up GF at wedding due to misunderstanding. She dumped me.

[DesertDweller]

Hi Luke. I am still dumbfounded by your girlfriend's--in my opinion--inappropriately sensitive reaction to your absence at the wedding. Has she led a sheltered life? Has nothing rotten ever happened to her? Does she come from a different culture? How would she behave in a true crisis? You say she is always honest. Guess what, I used to be honest too. Until I started an emotional affair with a married man. That will turn you into a liar real quick. I think your girlfriend is lying about her motives for breaking up and I think she wants to blame you. Furthermore, I think she wants to string you along until she decides whether or not she wants to make the relationship work. I know this sounds harsh (not as harsh as your friend Dave!), but you seem like such a nice guy that you may not be able to see her behavior for what it is. Look up "lying" online. Learn the signs to look for when a person is lying to you. I'll be thinking of you. Keep us informed.

[suegail]

Oh for goodness sake, Luke...you haven't heard the last of her, and after having read these last posts I consider that unfortunate. I think she's far from sold on a relationship with you, but she's going to keep popping up at any time she thinks she might be losing a firm grip on you.

 

How in the world can you stand all the crying she does and the continuous self-pity? And excuse me, but I really think your friend is quite misguided. You were really not at fault (in my opinion) concerning the wedding. She made you feel as if you would more or less be in the way at the wedding. She was cold and insulting instead of warm and welcoming. She created that situation and now she cries nonstop about it because of all the hurt she insists you caused her.

 

Do you honestly believe if you two did get married all this emotional blackmail she plies you with would just go away? It'll get worse. This is who she is, Luke.

 

I think you're going to have to decide to be very strong at some point. I realize you love her, but this is not a good situation. I think you are going to have to make a decision.

[DesertDweller]

I think Suegail hit it on the nose. I can add, too, that Dave sounds just as nutty as your girlfriend. Are you sure he isn't interested in her? He's awfully defensive.

 

I was thinking about your situation last night. It seems like you play the role of caretaker. You probably feel responsible for everyone's happiness. Did you say you were in medical school?

[NotsoLuckyLuke]

Thank you for the replies. Actually, she has had a mostly sheltered life... She is also from a different culture where weddings are considered extremely important to family and friends. She can at times be sensitive if someone very close to her has done something to hurt her. She also has many good qualities that far outweigh some of the idiosyncracies she may be exhibiting lately... She has never been this emotional before and I do know at least one of her ex's, and once it was over between them, it was over. There was none of this crying or showing an emotional part of her after that relationship desolved. She didn't tell him she missed him or still loved him.

 

No, I am not in medical school, but am in the health professions. After the last night we went out, she sent me an email acknowledging her behavior was rude and that she said mean things that she didn't mean. She said she was sorry.

 

Dave does not know her at all.. Never met her.

 

As for the lying, I don't see why she would lie. She was very mad at me the other night, and said mean things that were hurtful, but if she really wanted to be mean, all she had to say was she was seeing someone now and that it's none of my business.. She was extremely angry that night and still maintains that she is not seeing or dating anyone, and if she was, what reason is there to lie? I told her I wasn't waiting around anymore and that I am moving on. She was very upset about this, yet even after this, she told me she isn't seeing anyone.

 

I don't know, I guess it really doesn't matter anymore.. I just want to forget this and move on with my life. I realize she had as much to do with the breakup as I did, but I also realize my actions were very inconsiderate and hurtful by not being there with her. I do understand why she is upset. Everyone who was there that day asked where I was, and all she could say was that she didn't know, she hadn't heard from me. I also understand that if she really loved me, she should have been able to forgive this and move on, but perhaps she is not as forgiving as some of us may be. Perhaps she has not had enough experience in relationships to know that not all of them run smoothly and there are hurdles here and there that need to be overcome together. If she loves me as much as she says, eventually she will realize what she has lost..

[DesertDweller]

Okay, Luke, let's say you truly devestated her by not going to the wedding. Was that a reason to break-up? What about all the good things you've done? Shouldn't they outweigh this one mistake?

 

You seemed irritated in your last post. I'm sorry if I've offended you.

[NotsoLuckyLuke]

DesertDweller,

 

I have always appreciated your advice and you have not offended me... If anything, the irritation was more because of my frustration with the situation I am in. I agree that she should have realized by now that I have tried to make up for my mistake.. I am too emotionally drained to keep trying or waiting.

[Fritz]

Hmm, well to be honest I think your friend Dave is wrong. Sure you should consider her feelings regarding the whole wedding fiasco but not at the expense of your own when she was the one wigging out.

 

Take a break from her, take control because with her in control it appears to be an emotional roller coaster called Incessant Drama.