Boyfriend defended me in a fight but seeing him like that has freaked me out!

[Gaeta]

You do NOT know he will never lay a finger on you! Don't be naive. You know what he's capable of now, and you won't find out how far he'll go to get his way once he's not getting from you what he wants or getting his way on something. He can do this to you too.

 

 

 

 

Wow! now he's a potential wife beater! Isn't it a bit far fetched!

[carhill]

God save all the soldiers out there who are married and kill people for a living. Most of my generation had one as a father. I know I did. As shared earlier, men compartmentalize. IFF. Identify friend or foe. A girlfriend is a friend. A man threatening bodily harm or death is a foe. Easy distinction to draw. Men do it every day.

[Springsummer]

Wow! now he's a potential wife beater! Isn't it a bit far fetched!

 

It's all connected.

 

Can you imagine someone who committed animal cruelty will be kind and loving to another human? or even 'loved' ones? I can't.

 

“100 percent of sexual homicide offenders examined had a history of animal cruelty.”

 

https://www.peta.org/issues/animal-companion-issues/animal-companion-factsheets/animal-abuse-human-abuse-partners-crime/

[Springsummer]

God save all the soldiers out there who are married and kill people for a living. Most of my generation had one as a father. I know I did. As shared earlier, men compartmentalize. IFF. Identify friend or foe. A girlfriend is a friend. A man threatening bodily harm or death is a foe. Easy distinction to draw. Men do it every day.

 

I am very sorry to say, I swipe left whenever I see that person is a soldier. Surely there is a better way to earn a living than killing people?

 

They are tools for politician to achieve their ambitions. I have no idea why anyone wants to be a soldier, except for defending their own countries. Why going to another country without the invitation of the citizen?

 

I just watched the Roman empire and Vietnam war on netflix. I think I am vindicated.

[carhill]

Well, you might be speaking German or Japanese if not for a whole bunch of men who gave their lives to ensure your, and my, freedom. Perhaps that's lost on the younger generations, IDK. When death comes close to home, maybe the message will get in there.

[bathtub-row]

It's all connected.

 

Can you imagine someone who committed animal cruelty will be kind and loving to another human? or even 'loved' ones? I can't.

 

“100 percent of sexual homicide offenders examined had a history of animal cruelty.”

 

https://www.peta.org/issues/animal-companion-issues/animal-companion-factsheets/animal-abuse-human-abuse-partners-crime/

 

OP has already stated that her bf is extremely kind and gentle. There’s nothing to indicate that he has violent or controlling tendencies. You know, it’s really easy to judge something like this from a distance. But we have no idea at all about what was going on inside her bf’s head. Maybe he blamed himself for leaving all of them alone, maybe he was plain scared out of his mind. It seems men sometimes can’t win no matter what they do. While I agree that he could’ve been less forceful, I’m not about to judge him, although I can understand why OP is upset by it. It reminds me of how people think of animals, nature, etc. I’m the first to announce a complete love and respect for nature but it’s truthfully a brutal world where one will kill another for a bite of food. Granted, we’ve climbed up the “animal” ladder but I think lots of people forget what humans will do once they’re cornered.

 

And don’t for one second underestimate the damage those little thugs could’ve done, and probably intended to do. I’ll bet her bf taught that kid a lesson he’ll never, ever forget.

[bathtub-row]

Well, you might be speaking German or Japanese if not for a whole bunch of men who gave their lives to ensure your, and my, freedom. Perhaps that's lost on the younger generations, IDK. When death comes close to home, maybe the message will get in there.

 

This country (and many others) is so completely insulated from a great deal of the dangers because of the people who are willing to give their lives for this country. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were no need for war or violence? When we enter Shangrala, we can all rejoice. Until then, most of us don’t live with eternal naivety.

[Mr. Lucky]

I am very sorry to say, I swipe left whenever I see that person is a soldier. Surely there is a better way to earn a living than killing people?.

 

Why doesn’t this bit of news surprise me?

 

Mr. Lucky

[basil67]

Btw, if a stranger walks into your home and you shoot him dead, that was self-defense. Unreasonable?

 

Wait...what? Is it legal to shoot a stranger who's walked into your house in the USA? (sorry if I misunderstood what you're saying)

[ThaWholigan]

OP has already stated that her bf is extremely kind and gentle. There’s nothing to indicate that he has violent or controlling tendencies. You know, it’s really easy to judge something like this from a distance. But we have no idea at all about what was going on inside her bf’s head. Maybe he blamed himself for leaving all of them alone, maybe he was plain scared out of his mind. It seems men sometimes can’t win no matter what they do. While I agree that he could’ve been less forceful, I’m not about to judge him, although I can understand why OP is upset by it. It reminds me of how people think of animals, nature, etc. I’m the first to announce a complete love and respect for nature but it’s truthfully a brutal world where one will kill another for a bite of food. Granted, we’ve climbed up the “animal” ladder but I think lots of people forget what humans will do once they’re cornered.

 

And don’t for one second underestimate the damage those little thugs could’ve done, and probably intended to do. I’ll bet her bf taught that kid a lesson he’ll never, ever forget.

A lot of people have not been in a violent situation - there's no telling how they would react, and particularly for men with a certain background, that reaction can be visceral and shocking. It's very easy to go too far in that microcosm of a situation, especially when you've been faced with similar scenarios more than once. There's a chance that OP's boyfriend has probably been on the receiving end of wallopings of a similar nature at some point. You don't forget it, and you definitely don't want to see yourself or anyone close to you face it. I've seen some of the most docile and placid men (and women!) become rabid and uncontrollable in a pressure situation.

 

 

I'm not one of those people - and I've literally only had one physically violent altercation in nearly 20 years - but it's too easy for me to denigrate people who react violently in a fight or flight scenario when I don't face it as much as they may do.

[carhill]

This country (and many others) is so completely insulated from a great deal of the dangers because of the people who are willing to give their lives for this country. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were no need for war or violence? When we enter Shangrala, we can all rejoice. Until then, most of us don’t live with eternal naivety.

While we're posting this, civilians are dying in Israel and Palestine tonight. Rockets, airstrikes, plenty of live video. Israel is pretty polite though, they let you know they're coming to kill you

 

I'm with you. Humans should be able to get along peacefully and the OP should never have to go through what she did. Unfortunately, I doubt it'll ever happen. We'll destroy our species first. Maybe it's our destiny, hardwired into us, IDK. In any event, the OP is entitled to feel how she does and if she and boyfriend can't work through it, ok, see ya.

[preraph]

I'm not saying he will hurt you, but he has it in him if he gets unhappy enough. And he went too far. It's good he defended, but what is concerning is the same thing that concerned OP and the friends: He couldn't stop. Overkill. He didn't just do enough to get rid of them and then call police. He had to be stopped. That's not good. That's uncontrolled.

[snowcones]

Pshh, are you kidding me? I would die to have a guy who defended me like that.

[bathtub-row]

Wait...what? Is it legal to shoot a stranger who's walked into your house in the USA? (sorry if I misunderstood what you're saying)

 

In Texas, it’s legal. I’m not sure about other states.

 

Years ago, some friends of mine were home. He was a firefighter so he was home at odd times during the week. A man went to their front door and knocked but they didn’t answer. My friend’s husband got his gun. The next thing they knew, the guy was at the back door. They were hiding in the hallway. The guy kicked the door in, walked into the house, rounded the corner, saw them and grinned. He had a gun. But he never made it out of the house alive. No charges at all were pressed. My friend said that if they hadn’t gotten their gun when they did, there wouldn’t have been time to do so.

[carhill]

Sheriff is nowhere around, not for tens of miles, someone tries the door while I'm eating lunch, I set my gun on the counter, continue eating. I already know exactly how I'll engage, moves, everything. Only focus is the kill. Their life is meaningless to me. Happened last year. Why? Customer got killed trying to do the right thing and call the sheriff. The perps killed him, then stripped him of his weapon and went off and committed some more crimes, later were caught and still aren't in prison 3 years later. I'll call 911 after I survive and they're dead. If other, won't matter. Don't care whether pinhead lawyers/judges think it's legal or not. Screw them. EOS

[bathtub-row]

Sheriff is nowhere around, not for tens of miles, someone tries the door while I'm eating lunch, I set my gun on the counter, continue eating. I already know exactly how I'll engage, moves, everything. Only focus is the kill. Their life is meaningless to me. Happened last year. Why? Customer got killed trying to do the right thing and call the sheriff. The perps killed him, then stripped him of his weapon and went off and committed some more crimes, later were caught and still aren't in prison 3 years later. I'll call 911 after I survive and they're dead. If other, won't matter. Don't care whether pinhead lawyers/judges think it's legal or not. Screw them. EOS

 

Any criminal with half a brain has to know that walking into a stranger’s home uninvited is a death wish.

[preraph]

Nearly all classes of criminals have the potential to become violent once they enter your home and then encounter you, whether on purpose or by accident. Even a petty criminal is very dangerous if you walk in on him. And for someone to come into the house when they know you're there -- that is automatically a person who is prepared to use violence, and that's why it makes sense to be able to defend your home. I'm really disgusted with people who think people who steal are harmless and should be exempt from consequences.

 

All types of criminals typically start out petty and then as they are successful, their confidence builds and they do more and more serious crimes. That's why it's important to take even petty crime very seriously and try to stop them from progressing.

[SevenCity]

Any criminal with half a brain has to know that walking into a stranger’s home uninvited is a death wish.

 

Many of them don’t. That’s common for the criminal element.

 

They see nothing wrong with killing you/your family to get money for drugs or whatever.

 

Regarding the home invasion, your rights are referenced as “Castle Doctrine”. Every state has a stance on it. Even NY, where I live, agrees that you have no duty to retreat in your domicile.

 

Therefore, you can shoot someone dead if they break in. That’s exactly what I would do if it happened to me.

 

I have an array of loaded firearms in reach at any time when I am home for this purpose.

 

I sure hope it doesn’t happen, but I will address in that matter if it does. I have no qualms about ending a life of someone who is trying to end mine.

 

That is, until I move to Canada where they have magically eliminated crime and violence!

[basil67]

Carhill, Bathtub....so, if a person suffering dementia or significant intellectual disability wanders into your house, you can blast them away without consequences? There's no expectation that you should first figure out if you're at risk?

[preraph]

There's "organized" and "disorganized" criminals. Organized criminals know the risk, but some organized criminals are also criminals who are overly confident (remember they work themselves up through different levels of crime and gain in confidence and skill) and feel infallible. Even if caught, they often think they can beat the system, because some of them are grandiose and really believe they are smarter and better than other people. Like sociopaths don't have the moral constraints most people have, and therefore, they are not playing by the rules and this does give them an advantage.

 

Disorganized criminals can be mentally incompetent or drunk or high and not really capable of foreseeing consequences, but that doesn't make them any less dangerous if cornered.

 

The criminal who robbed my rent house was a mix or organized and disorganized. He left prints everywhere. He did a noisy break-in. He did come prepared to pepper-spray my dog, however, so stealing was on his agenda. His license plate was split in half horizontally, and that's how they caught him. He was on probation for heroin. He wasn't totally disorganized because he picked a corner house, which is less risk (40% of houses burglarized are corner homes). Probably if he hadn't been an addict, he'd have been organized, but jonesing makes you careless.

[preraph]

Carhill, Bathtub....so, if a person suffering dementia or significant intellectual disability wanders into your house, you can blast them away without consequences? There's no expectation that you should first figure out if you're at risk?

 

How would you know that? And why would that make them any less dangerous? It wouldn't. And there's a difference between "wanders in" and "breaks in." Most people keep their doors lock so no one wanders in. If a person comes into your home uninvited by putting their foot in the door or breaking in, you ARE at risk. It's foolish to assume otherwise.

[carhill]

Carhill, Bathtub....so, if a person suffering dementia or significant intellectual disability wanders into your house, you can blast them away without consequences? There's no expectation that you should first figure out if you're at risk?

Door was keyed deadbolted with a typical decorative latch that one could work. That's what I heard, the flipping of the latch lever and a push on the door. If the door opens, they're already 200' onto my property so they get what they get. No discrimination. And yes, I've gotten the drop on the sheriff too when they were on the property at night. They were clearly uniformed. De-escalated and approached. I'd left the phone off the hook, long before cell phones, and they were doing a welfare check. Still, with ag thieves and robbers around, everyone is suspect until they're not. SOP. I understand it may be different for city folks.

 

While this thread was going on I picked up another discussion elsewhere about a paid, licensed security guard recently being killed while he held a shooting suspect down outside a bar, having broken up a shooting. He was armed, had the perp on the ground, had his 'security' vest on, and the cops still shot him dead. Black guy with a gun, 26 years old, wanted to be a cop. Gone.

 

Not me brother. No way.

 

If the OP finds all this shocking, sorry for the rude awakening. It's reality. That's part of why I left California. Image, money, crime, dehumanizing. Currently on fire.

[Springsummer]

Any criminal with half a brain has to know that walking into a stranger’s home uninvited is a death wish.

 

Holy smoke ...what do we Canadian do then as people generally don't have a gun?

[Springsummer]

While this thread was going on I picked up another discussion elsewhere about a paid, licensed security guard recently being killed while he held a shooting suspect down outside a bar, having broken up a shooting. He was armed, had the perp on the ground, had his 'security' vest on, and the cops still shot him dead. Black guy with a gun, 26 years old, wanted to be a cop. Gone.

 

 

what? a cop shot the security guard, not the perp ? why?

[carhill]

what? a cop shot the security guard, not the perp ? why?

If you want to take a look at it, Manny's Blue Room bar shooting in Illinois....kinda off-topic here, however, bar fights can get ugly which is why I generally avoid bars especially where I don't know the crowd. Also, carrying while drinking or in an exclusive drinking establishment is strictly prohibited for LCH's in my neck of the woods. Do people follow the law? Apparently not! The OP saw a graphic example of that, assault and threatening at minimum. Back in the day it'd be fist fights and bruises and cuts and everyone gets up the next day. Now, the great unknown. Pass.