Fair Posted November 11, 2018 Share Posted November 11, 2018 I think everyone on Loveshack needs to see this video. So many of us here are trying to hard to be 'cool' with dating, that we're putting our needs last and settling for being unhappy. This video points out how the dating world/expectations have been turned on it's head. Here's the link for the video. It's only 8 minutes. I encourage you to watch. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 11, 2018 Share Posted November 11, 2018 In my twenties, I wasn't tolerant of being a "non-priority" I simply dumped them, no discussion needed. That is why I'm on this site...to tell people to not tolerate or try and fix the behavior...kick to the curb is my advice. Good video for those who seem to fall into this trap. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted November 11, 2018 Share Posted November 11, 2018 If I'm feeling like a non-priority, the alarms go off ... yes, I've done as this woman talks about (and I'm a guy) ... and I've tried to pretend things were all right and pushed on ... That has always ended up in disaster and hurt. Not being a priority--we want to end things pretty much right there when we feel that feeling. Assuming we're not unrealistically wanting to be with someone all the time, if we're feeling like we're not a priority--95 percent chance, we're really not a priority. The person just isn't that into us. Ignoring this feeling of not being a priority is just self-torture. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nodramallama Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 In my twenties, I wasn't tolerant of being a "non-priority" I simply dumped them, no discussion needed. That is why I'm on this site...to tell people to not tolerate or try and fix the behavior...kick to the curb is my advice. Good video for those who seem to fall into this trap. And this is why I'm so glad you are on this site!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 No, it's has never been my problem, if a man doens't make me feel like I am a priority I lose interest pretty fast. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 You leave. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 In my twenties, I wasn't tolerant of being a "non-priority" I simply dumped them, no discussion needed. That is why I'm on this site...to tell people to not tolerate or try and fix the behavior...kick to the curb is my advice. Good video for those who seem to fall into this trap. I was the same way smackie. I just didn't tolerate it and quickly moved on. There was no online dating then and it was easy to move on to a better next. People respect people who respect themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 Online or not...it's about being able to discipline yourself to read the writing on the wall. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 Staying in a relationship where you’re not a priority simply validates your partner’s decision to discount your wants and needs. Simply put, you’re not worth, even to yourself, prioritizing ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 Nobody can make you feel like a non-priority without your consent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fair Posted November 13, 2018 Author Share Posted November 13, 2018 Not everyone feels they can assert their needs nor is it easy for them to just walk away. Those people are who this video is for... and it's true what she says in the video... people in the dating world today TEND to feel like if they feel diminished in a relationship there's something wrong with THEM and not the way the other person is treating them. They think they have to fix themselves, play it cool, not make demands, ignore their instincts, etc. That's why I shared the video. If someone is treating you badly in a relationship and is doing things to make you feel insecure then no... there is nothing wrong with YOU. It's most likely a legitimate reaction, a normal one, to a bad situation. As the therapist says...."you're not supposed to feel secure in an insecure situation," or something to that effect. In other words, it's not something you need to grow a thicker spine over but so many people think they do. People nowadays think it's wrong to have normal human emotions... for example "DON'T be jealous, don't be angry... play it cool. If you can't be a robot and not be hurt by abusive behaviour... go to a psychiatrist. You need help." It's a typical example of the kind of comments I see in variations on Loveshack all the time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Sadly so true, notice it a lot and just think wtf ! Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Haven’t watched the video yet, but sometimes people simply have unrealistic expectations. Many posters here struggle with higher than normal anxiety related to dating and will therefore have unrealistic needs. People have jobs, hobbies, perhaps kids, family and friends. It’s not healthy to put your life on hold for the sake of a new love interest. I guess my point is that some fail to distinguish between being a priority and the priority. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fair Posted November 14, 2018 Author Share Posted November 14, 2018 Haven’t watched the video yet, but sometimes people simply have unrealistic expectations. Many posters here struggle with higher than normal anxiety related to dating and will therefore have unrealistic needs. People have jobs, hobbies, perhaps kids, family and friends. It’s not healthy to put your life on hold for the sake of a new love interest. I guess my point is that some fail to distinguish between being a priority and the priority. If it seems people have higher than normal anxiety about dating today, it says more about the world we live in now, where cheating is a cell phone away and anything goes, all innocence lost and all the rules have changed. No wonder people are anxious... people's emotions, whatever they are, usually do have a legitimate basis. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 It depends. If I can see a temporary situation that has to be addressed, I can cool my jets for a short while. If ignoring me is the default pattern, that is unacceptable. After my parents died, I was dysfunctional. I couldn't do much more then cry for almost 4 years & my beloved husband stuck by me while I was shut down. I didn't make him or anything a priority. I was just trying to get through the day. Being understanding & compassionate have to be tempered, lest somebody becomes a doormat but they are still part of a healthy balance. Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 If it seems people have higher than normal anxiety about dating today, it says more about the world we live in now, where cheating is a cell phone away and anything goes, all innocence lost and all the rules have changed. No wonder people are anxious... people's emotions, whatever they are, usually do have a legitimate basis. You can’t use LS for any form of statistical sampling. Your mindset sounds very self limiting. Of course potential partner will run away if all you do is obsessing about what’s “wrong” in a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts