SkylarForever Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 I have a tight knit group of friends; guys and girls aged 21-27. Most of us have known each other since 2008, some earlier, some later as recent as 2013. We have spent a lot of time together over the years. Weekend outings (mostly parties/clubs/bars), vacations and some have even lived with each other. So we all know each other very well and enjoy each others' company. More than 2 years ago I noticed a change in one of the females in the group's behaviour. I have been drunk with her and the others hundreds of times over the years and she has never acted like this. In September 2016, we were all at a party and her and I were talking about things we find attractive in guys and girls. I don't recall how it came to this but she suggested we make out in front of our now fiancées who are both a few years younger than us and been with the both of us since 2013. My fiancée wasn't there so she tried to call him over. But he wasn't around and neither of us got up from our chairs to do anything even though her fiancée did say he was waiting for it. Two months later it's Halloween 2016. My friends introduce a coworker to my fiancée and I. He is very drunk and very touchy feely with us. I may have smiled at him a bit too much and she accused me of flirting and being proud of it. She took me aside (very drunk) and said I was doing it again like I did a month ago with our other female friend (which I didn’t, it was just a drunk dance) even though she laughed it off and said "maybe you guys will kiss on Halloween". She said I shouldn't be talking to her coworker in that way even though it wasn't anything provocative. After her lecture about nothing, she hugged me apologetically and in the morning sent me a long sorry message. I was cool with it. I've seen her angry drunk many times. Two weeks goes by and we're all at a club dance party all wasted as usual. When only the guys (minus her fiancée who was at home) were present, she grabs me and pulls me into a very passionate kiss and a chest grab. I'm not sure how long it lasted but it was very full on and I didn’t pull away. But I do remember her finishing it as the two other girls in the group came back to the dance area with drinks. It wasn't awkward for the rest of the night and it hasn't been since. By the way, she only told her fiancée what happened and not the other two girls in our group who are closer to her than I am. Fast forward to our June/July 2017 vacation in the US. We are at a club in Miami. She waited until the girls were out of sight then she came up real close to me from behind and pulled my backside into her front and we dance for a bit. I've never seen her do this with anyone before. This night is a little hazy even for me but I realise that she is checking where the girls are at before she gets close to me. We then danced very close facing each other; I may have turned to the side as I was becoming anxious for some reason and the rest of the night is a blur but nothing further happened. A week later in an RnB bar in Memphis after many bar hops, my fiancée and I are dancing in the same fashion she and I were at LIV Miami. She comes up to me and says "Stop doing that". I say "Why? I like it". She says "But I don't like watching it". She walks away but we don't stop so she comes back and kicks me a few times in the shin. I smirk at her and kiss my fiancée. She left early around that time without telling me. I am as confused as ever. In the months after our return she went back to her current home about 8 hours away and the obsessive behaviour intensified over social media. She would comment and like all my posts and start chats via Instagram and Snapchat. I am a Personal Trainer so it was all fitness related compliments. Then suddenly this year she stopped the communication via social media. No likes no comments. She only talks to me on our group chat. I find it strange for someone to stop all this for no reason. I feel I might have said something to make her jealous or annoyed. I am desperate for answers and advice. It's a strange situation that I'm hoping someone can shed light on it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 Well, I have to say you and your friend have very soft boundaries. You are both engaged! Neither of you should be doing anything with anyone else, friend or not. Now, I see you are at least questioning it now. But once she groped and kissed you, was there really any doubt what she is up to? I don't know why she's engaged, but she's not being faithful to her husband -- or maybe she's trying to get a three-way going that he would go for. But she needs to do that with someone who isn't engaged and that she can discard, because that is what happens. Are you bi? If so, then you should have stopped her because you're engaged. If you're not bi, you should have stopped her because you're not bi and you're engaged. I don't know why you are hesitating to just tell her, "Stop!" Why on earth haven't you told her, "I'm not bi," or "I don't have any feelings like that for you"? and "STOP. I'm engaged. STOP." Link to post Share on other sites
Bob_Dole Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 she grabs me and pulls me into a very passionate kiss and a chest grab. I'm not sure how long it lasted but it was very full on and I didn’t pull away. Well I think you have answered your own question She made her feeings clear, she thought you reciprocated, and now she's jealous and hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
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