MrsXXX Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 So I’m late 30’s, divorced, good job, two kids and still pretty hot for my age. My ex husband cheated on me so I divorced him and started life again. Life was good, didn’t date for a few years, had some casual boyfriends then met my love. 18 months of pure bliss! He was separated when we met but they had sold marital home, financial agreement in place and wife had started divorce. We only saw each other 3 times a week and went away for a couple of days each month! Suited me. Until I found out he cheated on me with his wife. We’ve had some on and off moments which clearly tie in with the time he got back with his wife! I feel so foolish!! 3 weeks ago I saw a picture of my boyfriend and his wife at a wedding in June holding hands!!! I was stunned. I phoned him, challenged him and all he said was sorry!! No explanation !!! I was broken hearted but went no contact - lasted 11 days. Through a friend I found out he had a terrible car crash. Bad injuries, two operations, minimum 12 months rehab. I text him - it was the right thing to do. I just said I hoped he was ok, I should have left it there. He has another operation next monday. He has text me to keep me updated. He is sending my hearts and kisses! We haven’t spoken about the cheating but he is seriously unwell. His accident was life changing! I still love him and am in a tight mess now as to what to do!! I should not have been a third person in his marriage - I totally accept that but I genuinely didn’t realise I was ....... I’m just so sad xx Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 He's trying to put his marriage back together & now that he's injured will be relying heavily on his wife. You did the right thing by wishing him well but you have to accept that you have no further place in his life. Take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Sorry about your experience. I wouldn't have any contact with him but, if you do, be clear you're no longer hugs and kisses, hope he gets well and his wife can take care of him now. Relationships progress or they end. He screwed the pooch on that one. Over and done. Like you said, you're late 30's and hot. Plenty of eligible not married, not separated, not recently divorced men on your dance card. Keep those feet busy! Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 It’s not relevant that he’s been injured to that extent. It’s sad but not relevant to your relationship with him. He has cheated several times and that should be completely unacceptable to you. I’m not sure why you’re putting blame on yourself about being in the middle of their marriage. They were separated and divorcing. Obviously it wasn’t over between them. That’s not your fault. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 You divorced your husband because he cheated, even though you have two kids. Why would you now take back this bf that also cheated? What does the car crash have to do with you not wanting to be with a cheater? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsXXX Posted November 13, 2018 Author Share Posted November 13, 2018 He's trying to put his marriage back together & now that he's injured will be relying heavily on his wife. You did the right thing by wishing him well but you have to accept that you have no further place in his life. Take care of yourself. Thanks for your response. They are not together. The photo was from June. Whilst this changes nothing for me I would hate you to think that I’d text him (even given the situation) if he was trying to work on his marriage. He has no further place in my life! I know this! I’m still feeling foolish and heart broken thou xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsXXX Posted November 13, 2018 Author Share Posted November 13, 2018 You divorced your husband because he cheated, even though you have two kids. Why would you now take back this bf that also cheated? What does the car crash have to do with you not wanting to be with a cheater? I won’t take him back! I’m just heart broken and tired of being hurt and lied too! I text because I wasn’t thinking rationally about the effect it would have on me! I should have stayed no contact - felt better !!! Thanks for your reply! It remotivates me to stay strong xx Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Yes, stay away from him forever now. Heaven knows how much of what he told you about his wife and their separation/pending divorce is true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsXXX Posted November 13, 2018 Author Share Posted November 13, 2018 Yes, stay away from him forever now. Heaven knows how much of what he told you about his wife and their separation/pending divorce is true. Thank you! And yes you are right! He’s a total liar! You are a voice of reason xx Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Just out of curiosity, where was he living when you started dating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsXXX Posted November 13, 2018 Author Share Posted November 13, 2018 Just out of curiosity, where was he living when you started dating? He’s always had his own place. I had some of my stuff there. We always stayed over his house. There was never any sign of another woman there! His wife lives a couple of villages along. We dated publicly, went out in our town together, I watched him play football. We went on holidays etc ....... I genuinely had no idea about his wife! During July & August thing went through a slightly ‘off’ patch I guess and I went away with my family for 3 weeks. But even reflecting back I never thought his wife was in the mix! Last couple of weeks we have been amazing and then this!!!! Xx Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 His accident should have no bearing on your contact with him. He’s a cheater and wishing him well ONCE is as far as it should go. Cut off contact. This is why I never dated men who were not already divorced. If they were separated, I told them to contact me once the divorce was final. Until then, they are still MARRIED. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Let him be. He is recovering from his accident. He will need his wife and family now. I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsXXX Posted November 13, 2018 Author Share Posted November 13, 2018 Let him be. He is recovering from his accident. He will need his wife and family now. I'm sorry. I have blocked him on everything and blocked and deleted his number. He messaged me earlier on a different number which I have now blocked. I regret texting him now and will always regret being so stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
CardsFan01 Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 If he was still married, I wouldn’t really consider what he did cheating. It sounds like he wasn’t really honest with you, but I think anyone takes this risk by dating someone who is married. Now if he was open with his wife about you and she was supportive of the relationship that would be a different story. If that was the case, I could see why you’d feel deceived. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 I have blocked him on everything and blocked and deleted his number. He messaged me earlier on a different number which I have now blocked. I regret texting him now and will always regret being so stupid. What was the reason for his last text? Have you told him you don’t want to talk to him anymore? I’m really sorry. No matter that you know he’s dirt for what he did to you, I know it still hurts. Btw, you’re not stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsXXX Posted November 13, 2018 Author Share Posted November 13, 2018 If he was still married, I wouldn’t really consider what he did cheating. It sounds like he wasn’t really honest with you, but I think anyone takes this risk by dating someone who is married. Now if he was open with his wife about you and she was supportive of the relationship that would be a different story. If that was the case, I could see why you’d feel deceived. We had met each other’s kids. She was aware of me. She was in another relationship too. I have no idea if she still is xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsXXX Posted November 13, 2018 Author Share Posted November 13, 2018 What was the reason for his last text? Have you told him you don’t want to talk to him anymore? I’m really sorry. No matter that you know he’s dirt for what he did to you, I know it still hurts. Btw, you’re not stupid. He is saying that he loves me and he will do anything to get me back. And yes I told him I can’t apeak to him anymore. It’s all so crap xx And thank you - I do feel stupid xx Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 He is saying that he loves me and he will do anything to get me back. And yes I told him I can’t apeak to him anymore. It’s all so crap xx And thank you - I do feel stupid xx Ugh! Pulling the ‘I love you’ card after what he did. I wonder if he would be so in love with you if the tables were turned - if you had cheated and then ended up in the hospital. I’m guessing that would probably be an entirely different story. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 He is panicking. He is facing 12 months of rehab and is looking around for support to help him through it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 You weren't stupid for showing compassion to an injured person. You are smart for realizing now that he can't be trusted & cutting him out of your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Don't take him back. He's a liar. Let him lean on his wife. I'm sure that's what he has in mind anyway -- and I assume he still has a mother or sibling or something. Don't take this liar back. There's people in life we can love but not trust and love but not live with. It's a sad fact. Love doesn't make people improve. Link to post Share on other sites
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