kikie Posted May 26, 2001 Share Posted May 26, 2001 Hi! Me and my bf seem to have very diff. views of our relationship... I view it more as a for-fun casual thing, even though i'm not planning to break up any time soon (it's been a year) ... he views me as THE one (at least he says so) & talks about marriage and stuff (ick - i doubt he's THE one for me) ... So - i feel kind of bad ... for having fun with him ... knowing he might want more out of this in future than what i wanna give ... i never hide from him that i'm not sure we'd be together in the future ... it bothers him, he's afraid of losing me, but doesn't break up or anything... I am simply too young to be too serious abotu it - which i tell him. I feel guilty from time to time that i might rlly hurt him down the road ... but don't wanna break up ... cuz i have so much fun with him ... and i don't see any reason to break up while we're both enjoying this ... Any comments? Am i nuts? Thanks! Thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
*Juliana* Posted May 26, 2001 Share Posted May 26, 2001 Hi! Me and my bf seem to have very diff. views of our relationship... I view it more as a for-fun casual thing, even though i'm not planning to break up any time soon (it's been a year) ... he views me as THE one (at least he says so) & talks about marriage and stuff (ick - i doubt he's THE one for me) ... So - i feel kind of bad ... for having fun with him ... knowing he might want more out of this in future than what i wanna give ... i never hide from him that i'm not sure we'd be together in the future ... it bothers him, he's afraid of losing me, but doesn't break up or anything... I am simply too young to be too serious abotu it - which i tell him. I feel guilty from time to time that i might rlly hurt him down the road ... but don't wanna break up ... cuz i have so much fun with him ... and i don't see any reason to break up while we're both enjoying this ... Any comments? Am i nuts? Thanks! Thanks... I don't think that you should feel guilty. I think all you need to do is keep reminding him that your not looking for a really serious relationship. May be ask him nicely to stop mentioning stuff about marriage or he might lose you, cause you don't like it. Link to post Share on other sites
WGirl Posted May 27, 2001 Share Posted May 27, 2001 I don't think it is fair to him. I think if you never plan on having anything serious with him, you should tell him that. From what you said, it sound like it is vague territory. In one sentence you say, "ick, I doubt he's the one for me." I doubt you actually said that to him. If you did, he probably wouldn't stick around very long. Then you told us that you tell him, "I am not sure if we will be together in the future." That leaves room for misunderstanding. He may think, 'well, someday' while you are thinking 'no way, never'. It sounds like you are kind of misleading him. If you have made your intentions clear, then it is partly his own fault if he gets hurt because of waiting around for you. If he is okay with that and wants to continue to have fun, cool! He may think you will change your mind later on. I think you should be fair with him. Hi! Me and my bf seem to have very diff. views of our relationship... I view it more as a for-fun casual thing, even though i'm not planning to break up any time soon (it's been a year) ... he views me as THE one (at least he says so) & talks about marriage and stuff (ick - i doubt he's THE one for me) ... So - i feel kind of bad ... for having fun with him ... knowing he might want more out of this in future than what i wanna give ... i never hide from him that i'm not sure we'd be together in the future ... it bothers him, he's afraid of losing me, but doesn't break up or anything... I am simply too young to be too serious abotu it - which i tell him. I feel guilty from time to time that i might rlly hurt him down the road ... but don't wanna break up ... cuz i have so much fun with him ... and i don't see any reason to break up while we're both enjoying this ... Any comments? Am i nuts? Thanks! Thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
Rogue Posted May 28, 2001 Share Posted May 28, 2001 I think you should let him know a little more clearly that you're not interested in marrying him. I don't think it will change his behaviour though. I think he would simply ignore what you said, or rationalize it.He might simply interpret that as a sign he has to "work" on you more. It's a guy thing, that we do that sometimes. But you should say it to absolve you from any guilt if he does get hurt. If you didn't say anything you would've deceived him. But since you did say you have no interest in marrying him( and clearly stated so) then he basically deceives himself. But I have a question for you, Kikie. If you don't want to marry him, how would you feel if he broke up with you to marry someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
kikie Posted May 28, 2001 Share Posted May 28, 2001 Thanks for your response, Rogue. First of all, I don't clearly state "I am never gonna marry you" b/c i'm only 19, and I really have no clue who i wanna marry if i wanna marry at all ... which i tell him: "I am not sure; we'll see ... " ... it's the truth ... b/c sometimes i feel like i wdn' wanna live w/out him, sometimes i think we're not compatible enough to be together for life... get the drift, right? i'm 19, cmon... But I have a question for you, Kikie. If you don't want to marry him, how would you feel if he broke up with you to marry someone else? I'd be upset if he broke up with me. But I know that there's a better girl for him out there. On the other hand, I have no way of knowing, since I'm not him. He's also only 19, so he may well THINK he loves me, but realize it's not true love later on ... ETC. we're just too young. And last time he brought up marriage, that's what i said : "i think we're both too young to decide such serious issues right now ... we're too young to know for sure"... and he hasn't rlly brought it up since then .. except for calling my folks "in-laws" once... but it was kind of a joke ... Thanks again for your response! - Kikie Link to post Share on other sites
Rogue Posted May 28, 2001 Share Posted May 28, 2001 The reason I asked is that it's important to understand your own feelings sometimes. I know marriage is not a good idea at 19. You're right when you say you need more time decide about something like that. But if your boyfriend is not the man you want to marry, that means the two of you would have to break up sooner or later. But I'm sure the both of you will decide the right thing to do at the right time. Thanks for answering my question. Link to post Share on other sites
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