OH NO! About to be proposed too !

[Brandi Renee]

I am going to get proposed too soon here. I love my so man dearly.

 

We do not have eoungh sex. 1-2 a week if I am luck and I ask for it. I have had several discussions with him letting him know I am not sexually satisfied with this amout. He has told me he is jsut not that into sex a this point and there is more to a realtionship than sex and he is getting plenty.

 

When we were dating - a couple years back, it was all the time. He tell me that when you move in together - sex decreases. I dont think so , that is how I feel.

 

When he proppses to me , I cant bear to give an answer such as " we need to talk" , or , "yes, but I need more sex". How terrible of an answer.

 

What should I do??????????? I masturbate daily , believe me. But there is nothing like making love which I want so badly from him more. I really feel as if i am the male in the relationship and he is the female!

 

I just went in his office and asked him again - the fifith time today and he said the more I ask him the more it makes it feel like a chore.

 

Yeah - some of youl would say - try not asking so damn much . I have - and I get nothing for up to two weeks. HELP!

[Merin]

Well.. damn!

 

How old is your Man?

 

I dunno... I think sometimes it's difficult to find 2 people with the same level of sex drive... My last BF and I... OMG LOL we had sex like mad, crazy all the time, every where and it was amazing... sadly though it was the ONLY thing that was amazing and I stayed in the relationship to long because of it...

 

My Currant BF and I have sex like crazy too, BUT I know I wear him out with it... thankfully I haven't been in a situation where my BF has said he isn't all about sex, because honestly for me, while sex isn't everything it IS important.

 

Again I wonder how old your Man is? Possible there are some other hang ups going on with him?

 

Sheesh, I didn't help at all.... sorry.

[Brandi Renee]

He is 35. Sometimes I wonder if he is trying to avoid me. Sometimes I wonder if it is the weight I gained back, but then when we met, I was way heavier tahtn I am now- so that does not make any sense.

 

 

I know that it is difficult to find a realtionship on the same sexual wavelength - and then have it graet in all the other aspects.

 

I was speaking to my friend last night about this and she seems to think that 1-2 times a week is suffice. She then asked me how I would like to be married to an a**h*** who wnated it all the time and demanded it when he wanted it. She then asked me if I would rather be in a relationship where I get it every day - but he is an a**h*** otherwise.

 

My man is great in every other area - truly a good man and a wonderful parent to my son and one day our child. The question is - shall I jsut live with what I have since he is so wonderful in every single other area? Really the only thing I can complain about is sex. That is it.

[Brandi Renee]

But the sex thing to me seems so largly important:(

[Outcast]

If he's 35 he could well be slowing down. In these situations, the best thing to do is try to compromise. Understand that you will not get sex as often as you want it but ask him if sometimes you could have a bit more - ask him if he would be willing to do that for you at least.

 

Your friend is right that if that is the only complaint you have, you have nothing to worry about. You're not getting zero sex and most studies of people's sex lives show that 1-2 times a week is the average for most couples. There are a lot of people on LS complaining that they get much much less sex and, given his age, the likelihood that you'll find someone else who'll be a rabbit like you AND have all the other qualities you want is pretty low.

 

It is unrealistic to expect that you can find someone who is absolutely everything you want.

[Brandi Renee]

Outcast -

 

 

I hear you. But it is painful a bit. I think I will look like a desparate fool to him asking him to compromist a bit on sex. We do compromise about everythign else BUT THIS.

 

Last week was my birthdaty . The second I asked for it i got it. I wish it was my birthday every day.

 

I also have freinds who say thier husbands would do it every day if they consented.

 

I will say with all honesty that it is very FRUSTRATING and I suppose I feel how men feel when they dont get it enough.

 

I am 28 he is 35 - do 35 year olds slow down? I know 40 something yera old men taht are rabbits.

[Mz. Pixie]

Brandi,

 

I have a high sex drive too, but I'm just wondering- is it possible that you are experiencing some type of sexual addiction??

 

You seem awfully obsessed with sex. It IS important, I understand, but it's not the only thing.........

[Brandi Renee]

Pixie -

 

I dont know the answer to that? How am I supposed to know?

[Mz. Pixie]

Do a internet search for Sexual Addiction or Sex addicts- I would bet their is a quiz out there. There is for everything else.

 

I would say if sex or thinking about sex interferes with your regular everyday life then yeah- I find it a little abnormal that you'd ask for sex the fifth time after being turned down.

 

Also, it seems like you post alot about him being on the computer- could it be that he's obsessed with something on there- like a game or porn?

[Lil Honey]

I haven't read any other of BR's posts, so good thinking, Mz. Pixie . . .

 

After you have given the other suggestions some thought, he may want to go to the doctor. There are several things that could be hindering his sex drive - including a reduction in testosterone (usually something older men deal with), depression, stress, diabetes, sleep apnea, thyroid issues (yes, even for men). All of which are "silent" ailments.

 

Edited to add: However, if 1 - 2 times a week is average, it's possible that there is nothing "wrong" with him.

[Brandi Renee]

Pixie -

 

He plays World of Wrcraft until 2 or 3am every night. I hate it. I go to bed alone.

 

He will come put me to bed - he will aly with me for a few minutes and give me hugs and kisses then leaves. I hate it.

[Mz. Pixie]

Brandi,

 

There are obviously more issues here than sex. I think the video game is interfering with his normal life. Could it be perhaps that you're stepping up your requests for sex in an attempt to get him to spend actual time with you or have you always been this way??

 

I've seen some shows on Primetime and Dateline about people who play games like this- it's an addiction and sometimes people shut themselves up in their homes, quit their jobs and everything just to play games.

 

I'd seriously reconsider marrying this person- and I'd get both of you some counseling.

[shana]

Outcast -

 

I am 28 he is 35 - do 35 year olds slow down? I know 40 something yera old men taht are rabbits.

 

 

Nope. I am 28, he is 35 and he has not slowed down...

[weekell75]

I think maybe you asking for more sex is your 'deep down' way of asking for more affection.

I had this problem, except with him it was the tv.....I started to become narky and pick arguments with him just to get a reaction - that made him even more distant, and it became a vicious circle. We talked about it, and now we have a designated 'no telly' day and it works a treat. I think you are having to compete with his games and that isn't fair for you.

Maybe you should have a 'no games' night? That is compromise.....

[Nyasa]

BR - I can totally relate to your situation. My fiance and I just ended things about 3 months ago. There were MANY issues as to why it didn't feel right to both of us, one big issue was the sex.

I wanted it all the time, he didn't. I even found out he was looking at porn when I went to bed, but he would not come to me. Can you imagine how awful that felt, I was humilited, sick to my stomach, angry and had the lowest self esteem ever! He tried to tell me it was b/c I was going to be his wife and he wanted to see me as pure and these women he could think dirty of. Well I never bought it, I mean hell we had an awesome sex life in the beginning and while I understood that it changes in time, I was frustrated that that was something we could not share! We had so many fights about it and I still stayed.

Months later I found out it was b/c he did not feel close to me, that he needed to feel connected to have sex with me, that all our problems in the realtionship made him not want to have sex with me, it did become like a chore. He could eaisly whack off to some dirty girl on the internet, but he felt so disgusted with our realtionship that he couldn't make love to me! If we did it was purley a dirty, drunk ****! Terrible I tell you.

now this may not be the case with your guy, but there might be something else on his mind. Also YOU have to really think about this, do you want to spend forever with this guy when you can not enjoy something like sex, it's not everything, but it is certainly a way to keep the realtionship alive and healthy. i mean it got to the point where i was thinking of cheating b/c i missed sex and needed validation that i was attractive! how sad was i, i ended up being that pathetic girl in the bar asking everyone if they found me attractive like ten times! I knew I was, BUT when the man you love and are going to marry can't make you feel like that, it hurts and makes you do crazy things! If it is really important to you, you need to express this and you need to really decide if you love him enough to give something like that up!

I am so happy I have a chance to find someone more compatiable for me in the important areas, b/c damn it's for life!!! I would never ever want to go back to feeling unattractive and unloved. It got to the point where I KNEW he was just doing it to shut me up and who wants to deal with that, your partner should make you feel desirable!

Talk to him about all your feelings and what you want from a marriage, what is important to you and talk to him before he proposes. Just make it clear, say "hey i know we might be moving towards marriage and i just want to make sure we really know what we are getting our selves into. What is it that is important to you?" and then bring up what matters to you, if he really loves you, he will or should be TRYING to please you at all costs and if he can not do that for you, then like I said you have to determine if you love him enough to go w/o that forever.

Love is easy, but finding a partner that you can see making it work in the long haul is hard. BE SURE and also make sure you aren't just making excuses, maybe you're feeling much more than just not having sex, maybe you just don't want to marry him.

Good luck!