BitterSweetz Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Its been ages, and I am naturally a little shy. Although I am an INFJ I learned how to be an ambivalent whilst in the work environment. Now that I am in college everyone is so cliquey, its reverted me back to being more introverted lol sigh* social conditioning drives me bonkers. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Introverted and shy are not the same thing. Shy is learned behavor. Introversion is a personality trait and the real definition of it is that you have to "recharge" mentally and emotionally by having alone time because being in a crowd "drains" you. An Extrovert is just the opposite in that the feel "drained" by being alone too long and must "recharge" by being in groups where they draw mental and emotional energy from the other people. Anyway, if you have to "think" about how to flirt then you will never do it successfully. Just forget about "flirting" as a concept. What you need to do is have a social life and spend your time being in places where someone you might be interested in could be. When you are interested in someone just simply show yourself as interested in them and that you enjoy being around them. They will figure the rest out themselves. Your profile says female,...so you have it easy. All you have to do is breath air and stand vertically and you have it made as long as there isn't something about your physical appearance (that you can do something about) that would turn people away. Guys are the ones that really have it hard in this area, but women just need to be "not dead", or at least mostly alive. So, yea,...breath air, be vertical, done. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Now that I am in college everyone is so cliquey I'm in my later 50's,...everyone is still cliquey. When you are in a nursing home just before you die,...there will be cliques. The people with faster wheelchairs won't want to hang around the ones with the slower wheelchairs. People spend their time around others who have similar interests and who emotionally connect with each other. That is all a clique is. So you have to just get over that. Instead of complaining, just embrace the clique,...just find a group of friends that you fit in with and enjoy,...that will be a clique,...and you will be in it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 There are no "rules" about social interaction in college. Find your people & hang with them. To flirt, stand a bit too close, lean in. smile & perhaps touch lightly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BitterSweetz Posted November 13, 2018 Author Share Posted November 13, 2018 Introverted and shy are not the same thing. Shy is learned behavor. Introversion is a personality trait and the real definition of it is that you have to "recharge" mentally and emotionally by having alone time because being in a crowd "drains" you. An Extrovert is just the opposite in that the feel "drained" by being alone too long and must "recharge" by being in groups where they draw mental and emotional energy from the other people. Anyway, if you have to "think" about how to flirt then you will never do it successfully. Just forget about "flirting" as a concept. What you need to do is have a social life and spend your time being in places where someone you might be interested in could be. When you are interested in someone just simply show yourself as interested in them and that you enjoy being around them. They will figure the rest out themselves. Your profile says female,...so you have it easy. All you have to do is breath air and stand vertically and you have it made as long as there isn't something about your physical appearance (that you can do something about) that would turn people away. Guys are the ones that really have it hard in this area, but women just need to be "not dead", or at least mostly alive. So, yea,...breath air, be vertical, done. I am both an introvert and shy... i know the difference. I learned that back in the early 1990's when i was in high school. you sound sexist? for reals ladies... I just have to not be dead? really lol i been single for 3 years and the only guys that hit on me are only wanting sex or to feel me up which i know is not flirting lol thanks for mansplaining though, reminding me of what i already know:confused: didn't really help when it comes for how a woman is stupposed to brush up on flirting skills. not much help mr. women do have a hard time flirting expecially when we are shy and introverted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BitterSweetz Posted November 13, 2018 Author Share Posted November 13, 2018 There are no "rules" about social interaction in college. Find your people & hang with them. To flirt, stand a bit too close, lean in. smile & perhaps touch lightly. It is a small campus, and there is a social ettiquette that we had to take a class and sign papers saying we know about sexual harassment and making other students feeling uncomfortable . A lot more than what we had at places I worked. when classes are over the other students just rush out, I have tried multiple times to get other students to go do something or hang out, proposed study groups but nothing. everyone just leaves, half the classes people get up before class is over (usually half through the class) and leave or go chat in the hallways. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Yuck. They don't sound like a friendly bunch. Try joining a club or an activity to make friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Consider my friend, joining clubs through meetup.com or the after university academic and social clubs. I'm the introverted Asian bloke looking for a date in Mississippi, so this is working for me. That way you can choose a scene that works for you and already start with common ground. Therefore, you don't have to worry about the socially closed society around your immediate social circle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BitterSweetz Posted November 14, 2018 Author Share Posted November 14, 2018 this place is kinda abusive as i seen others complain about. you know, I really was not complaining i was talking. the fact you assumed or labeled me as a complainer presumes this is not a safe place to talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BitterSweetz Posted November 14, 2018 Author Share Posted November 14, 2018 Yuck. They don't sound like a friendly bunch. Try joining a club or an activity to make friends. they really aren't, i tried going to class early and sat at a table and still ended up sitting by myself lol i ended up joining a table with some guys that are almost young enough to be my sons hahaha tried everything really, I am just a little bit of everything I have learned, so its difficult to fit or slide into any category. I know what it feels like, so i try to always be inclusive of those i feel are left out. I have aquired unwanted attention that way with males though, and stalkers so i am careful to be cautious around males. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Are there any groups for returning adult students? Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 you sound sexist? for reals ladies... I just have to not be dead? really lol i been single for 3 years and the only guys that hit on me are only wanting sex or to feel me up which i know is not flirting lol thanks for mansplaining though, reminding me of what i already know:confused: didn't really help when it comes for how a woman is stupposed to brush up on flirting skills. not much help mr. Decent guys are going to run fast from any SJW woman that uses the word "mansplaining" and "sexist" in a sentence and quickly jumps to accusations without thinking about what he is really saying. Sorry, I'm afraid you are going to be stuck with low-confidence Beta Male Orbiters and guys who are only wanting sex. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 this place is kinda abusive as i seen others complain about. you know, I really was not complaining i was talking. the fact you assumed or labeled me as a complainer presumes this is not a safe place to talk. Hostile disposition. I can see that after only a few of your posts. I'm sure in person people pick that up really quickly. I think that is the root of your problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Very difficult for older people to socialize with college kids. Your options are limited on a college campus. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BitterSweetz Posted November 24, 2018 Author Share Posted November 24, 2018 I will not entertain any people with narcissistic tendencies. yes I have a bold personality when someone is displaying traits and assume who I am. Is there a way to block members here? and yes mansplaining is a real thing, it is part of social conditioning. I simply rose above it and call it out when its being done. let me find you an article. https://www.bustle.com/articles/136319-6-subtle-forms-of-mansplaining-that-women-encounter-each-day Also I do not speak or communicate much with acronyms so please use sentences. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BitterSweetz Posted November 24, 2018 Author Share Posted November 24, 2018 Very difficult for older people to socialize with college kids. Your options are limited on a college campus. It is a small community branch of a larger campus. So there really isn't the normal college atmosphere you would likely expect to see on a big campus. There are no dorms, there are study areas that are recently more vacant. The older folks my age have families and other obligations. sigh* I really don't drink, smoke or use substances. Live music is usually at the bars here, which I don't want to be in that atmosphere. I have tried the churches, mostly older folks (50's and up), some people my age married with kids, recovering addicts and drunks, and the occasionally mentally ill person that talks about their delusions and how they are being spied on by drones. Link to post Share on other sites
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