alicyn Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 So I will make this quick. My fiance of almost 6 months made a nice dinner with me last night, and everything was lovely. Then we were talking about the A/C breaking down all the time since we now live in a hot state, and other annoyances that go with living in a hot and humid place. Then he goes, "let me know you something!" ... I honestly thought he was going to show me something job-related, or something important, and instead he shows me this disgusting picture of a large cockroach that he took with his phone at work. He started laughing and thought it was really fascinating. I almost lost my appetite and was insanely grossed out and told him to stop talking about it and change the subject immediately. We did and then I tried to forget about it. I don't know why I feel so upset about this but need to rant. My father would NEVER do something like this at dinner, and I think it just reminds me how childish my fiance is sometimes. How do I get over this? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 How do I get over this? you find another fiance 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CardsFan01 Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 If you are really having this much trouble getting over a picture of a roach, I don’t think you should be getting married. If you are this worked up over this, I don’t think you’ll ever be happy. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alicyn Posted November 13, 2018 Author Share Posted November 13, 2018 (edited) We don't have any big relationship problems other than stupid stuff like this. I know it's trivial. I love him but every now and then he shocks me with something like this. I am a very clean and germaphobe type of person and he is opposite. I wish he would stop doing these things. Most of the time it's so stupid it's laughable and I get over it. Like the time he left an entire slice of cheese on the kitchen counter overnight and me finding it in the morning. But bad table manners are one thing that is a huge pet peeve of mine. Edited November 13, 2018 by alicyn Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Get him to promise to never show you gross pictures at dinner then move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Hopefully you don't get married anytime soon, the typical dinner table conversation in my house almost always has to do with poop, diarrhea and bodily functions like farting... I have an almost 11 year old and kids make some gross stuff happen in your life, like the first time he projectile vomited or smeared poop all over the dog. hahahaha I would just tell him to knock it off, he must have grown up in a household where potty type humor was allowed at the dinner table and not everybody can do gross stuff at the dinner table, he should heed your warning and listen to you... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CardsFan01 Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 We don't have any big relationship problems other than stupid stuff like this. I know it's trivial. I love him but every now and then he shocks me with something like this. I am a very clean and germaphobe type of person and he is opposite. I wish he would stop doing these things. Most of the time it's so stupid it's laughable and I get over it. Like the time he left an entire slice of cheese on the kitchen counter overnight and me finding it in the morning. But bad table manners are one thing that is a huge pet peeve of mine. How old are both of you? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 I think what’s really bothering you is his immaturity. This won’t go away. You need to decide if you want to be married to him. If you do, you’ll need to learn to tolerate his unappetizing sense of humor. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 I understand the last part of your question is the key part. You feel he's too immature at times. And that can certainly be a problem. Instead of throwing a fit over a gross cockroach, though, which isn't really the issue, I take it, you have to just assess how old he actually is and compare him to others in his age range for maturity. I mean, I could never stay with someone who acted like a little boy. Huge turnoff and even huger annoyance. Next he'll be farting in bed on purpose (that's when I eliminated one guy after sleeping with him exactly once). He was a fun friend, but not for me romantically. And he never changed the whole time I did know him as a friend, so not everyone changes, but some do -- well, should. I don't even think it's something you can talk to him about and change him. I just think he'd be offended. If he continues to act like a little boy doing gross things or all he wants to do is play whatever it is he likes to play, he's certainly not marriage material, unless you happen to be the same way, of course. I know two people who met in the 1970s and spent a couple of months playing together like children and got married and still are. But that is RARE. Plus they never had kids. You need a man to have kids with or you just end up with the kids -- plus one more big stubborn useless kid. So just keep an eye on him. See if this seems ingrained. See if he's too old to be acting like this (to me too old would be over 25 because that is approximately when the frontal lobe is fully developed in your brain). Note whether he is still collecting action figures or toys, basically. Or whether it's just what comes out of his mouth. But even then, if his sense of humor is offputting to you, you're never going to be able to change it, so...good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 We don't have any big relationship problems other than stupid stuff like this. I know it's trivial. I love him but every now and then he shocks me with something like this. I am a very clean and germaphobe type of person and he is opposite. I wish he would stop doing these things. Most of the time it's so stupid it's laughable and I get over it. Like the time he left an entire slice of cheese on the kitchen counter overnight and me finding it in the morning. But bad table manners are one thing that is a huge pet peeve of mine. The red flag for me is that you are a germaphobe and he is the opposite. Are you going to cohabitate before marriage to make sure you are compatible in that respect, and to make sure you can deal with his bad table manners and messiness and he can deal with your cleanliness? I could see where that would be a great source of contention for the two of you moving forward. (And I am speaking from experience!) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 How do I get over this? Get over what?? It's a freakin' picture of a cockroach. Big deal. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Get over what?? It's a freakin' picture of a cockroach. Big deal. Exactly. I think it is not the d*mn picture. It is more like cold feet (hinted by the comparison with the dad etc) or overall annoyance. If it is the latter, think long and hard before taking further steps. I find when the 'generalized' annoyance happens, the relationship has been toast already (maybe it is cold feet not that in your case, but it is worth thinking about). Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 I'll be honest, a picture of a cockroach and a slice of cheese are your biggest complaints about him? Assuming he doesn't act like a kid all the time, I am finding it hard to believe that other men would leave you feeling more content. That all sounds extremely benign to me and part of me is wondering if he has to walk on eggshells. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 (edited) By partner and I have a saying for things like this... "Boy humor." In other words, stupid and immature things - he and his son find hilarious, while I find them stupid and immature... We both just agree that there are things that are funny to him, that are not to me (like farting). He has some filter (not everything he thinks about comes out of his mouth), and those that do... I try to avoid. We both say, "that is boy humor..." he laughs, and we move on... You have to pick your battles wisely in a relationship. If this s the worst of it, you are not doing too badly. Just tell him - no disgusting humor at the table. ETA, for all you know, your dad was like this when he was younger... and he has grown to be more mature and respectful under the influence of your mother. Or perhaps earlier, by his mother. Edited November 15, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 How long did you date before getting engaged? It almost sounds like you're just discovering this side of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 By partner and I have a saying for things like this... "Boy humor." In other words, stupid and immature things - I have noticed that women who grew up with brothers have more tolerance toward that type of humor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 I have noticed that women who grew up with brothers have more tolerance toward that type of humor. Lol no brothers here and I love bathroom humor In OP’s case that’s the tip of something much bigger IMO. People don’t get upset at small things when it comes to loved ones. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CardsFan01 Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 Lol no brothers here and I love bathroom humor In OP’s case that’s the tip of something much bigger IMO. People don’t get upset at small things when it comes to loved ones. Maybe. Not saying this is the OP, but there are some people who always have to have something to be unhappy and complain about. If they don’t have something, they create something. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 We don't have any big relationship problems other than stupid stuff like this. I know it's trivial.It is not trivial if he is deliberately playing off of something that he knows is a pet peeve or 'hot button' or 'trigger' for you. Perhaps he especially does it at the dinner table, but it is not mere "bad table manners" that he is displaying. On the other side, it could be indicating that it is high time time for you to actually look at yourself, and what and why you think are "bad table manners", and why you think those are so important to family unity and world peace. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 I'm sorry, but I just can't imagine a picture of a cockroach being such a big deal. Perhaps he has boy humour and likes gross stuff, but you're sounding quite oversensitive here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheRainbow Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 Is the picture of the cockroach the issue here? My husband leaves the toilet seat up, doesn't change the toilet paper roll and leaves cups around the house. It annoys the hell out of me. After our separation ends at the end of the month, it'll be an annoyance, but it's really a mute point. I think you need to ask your self what is really bothering you. Seems like a symptom of a bigger problem. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 I think you need to ask your self what is really bothering you. Seems like a symptom of a bigger problem. Yup. Feeling anxious about making the big commitment... need to push away and reduce the vulnerability? Well, you've got your excuse now even if it's only a photo of a bug. So cut off the sex, put the fiancé in the doghouse for a month or two, and play the blame game... you'll get that distance you're looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 You kidding us , right. l think the immaturity could be on the other foot if your on here starting a thread over a picture . Dunno how your gonna survive marriage if that's all it takes. Link to post Share on other sites
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