13 yo son has a girlfriend

[Grapesofwrath]

My son is in 8th grade, and is 13 years old. He's a very responsible kid: straight A's, student/athlete, never in trouble at school, adept socially. For the past couple weeks he has "a girlfriend" and they are "dating."

 

To my knowledge, they have gone out to eat and to the park. (We live in a city with a large, urban park with many fun things to do.) Otherwise they see each other at school or school-related sporting events.

 

Last night he was facetiming with her, and I heard him say "I love you. You are so adorable." He said "I love you" a couple other times, though I could not hear her response. I also heard him talking about holding hands and kissing. At times, I could hear her teasing him and insisting that he is "rich" because he has two houses. He told her repeatedly that he has two houses because his parents are divorced, not because he is rich. (I am somewhat familiar with this young lady and she lives with her aunt because her father is absent and her mother can't raise her. So I feel for her, but still think her tone and response to him was cruel.)

 

I was okay with him having a girlfriend, but this seems WAY too intense for a relationship at this age.

 

What, if anything, should I do?

[major_merrick]

Leave it alone. Don't mention it. He's not going to like having his mom listening in on his stuff. Remember when you were that age? Kids say the weirdest stuff in middle school. If he didn't take offense, then you probably shouldn't either. Maybe wait a couple of weeks and strike up a casual conversation...indicate your availability to talk. If he needs/wants your involvement, he'll lead you to it.

 

I had a girlfriend at 13. More than one, actually. Chatting on the net and saying "I love you" is mild compared to what I was doing. Everything will be all right, I think.

[Gaeta]

I was stun too to hear how kids that age talk nowadays. They date, they talk about being in relationships and I heard them say they're 'couples'. It's like they can't wait to play grown ups.

 

 

 

I am fortering a 14 year old girl and she told me about having a bf when she was 13. Apparently her mom was ok with it...well not with me. I think at 14 she should be with her girlfriends doing girlfriends things, having sleep overs, pining over their favorite boys-band together but not play 'relationships' and play 'grown ups'. I don't mind boys that are friends but not boyfriends.

 

 

 

My sister-in-law let her boys have girlfriends as young as 14. These kids didn't get to be kids and do things boys do together. They were always with their gf, not socializing as they wished to not make the gf jealous, having the gf over at each family dinner and even have them tag along on family vacations, gf sleeping over on weekends! No thank you. They have plenty of time to explore relationships when they're 16+

[alphamale]

my response depends on whether or not they have consummated the relationship

[RecentChange]

I am just going to say.

 

I remember being 13, I remember when my friends were 13.

 

Most were well to do, good families, straight A students - I knew them from the equestrian activities I was heavily involved in. All and all "good kids" with parents that were very active in their lives etc.

 

I also know my best friend, at 13, had sex first time with her 13 year old boy friend. I knew a couple other "good kids" who also became sexually active during this time. And I also knew kids who didn't have such involved parents, cushy home life etc that became sexually active at this age.

 

I hope you have had many talks with him about safe sex, how easily young girls get pregnant, about protecting himself from disease etc.

 

Because from my observation, kids were doing what kids were going to do - but the consequences, the real consequences, like pregnancy etc affected the ones who didn't have parents openly talking to them about the importance of condoms etc.

[Grapesofwrath]

I am just going to say.

 

I remember being 13, I remember when my friends were 13.

 

Most were well to do, good families, straight A students - I knew them from the equestrian activities I was heavily involved in. All and all "good kids" with parents that were very active in their lives etc.

 

I also know my best friend, at 13, had sex first time with her 13 year old boy friend. I knew a couple other "good kids" who also became sexually active during this time. And I also knew kids who didn't have such involved parents, cushy home life etc that became sexually active at this age.

 

I hope you have had many talks with him about safe sex, how easily young girls get pregnant, about protecting himself from disease etc.

 

Because from my observation, kids were doing what kids were going to do - but the consequences, the real consequences, like pregnancy etc affected the ones who didn't have parents openly talking to them about the importance of condoms etc.

 

Thank you, Recent. We do have a good relationship and we have talked about safe sex/pregnancy/consent, etc. It's awkward, but we've done it because I think that's part of being a good parent. I will talk to him about it again. In general, he is quite busy with sports and school and little time or opportunity for sex, but where there's a will, there's a way.

 

To be clear, we are NOT rich. I am middle-class, and I make enough to meet our needs, but he has friends who are much wealthier. Besides, I'm a single mother, so we face challenges from that. The gf also said she thinks he's rich because his brother goes to private school, and he will too. My brother pays for their education, not me, so again, this is not an example of how we are rich. I feel for this young lady, though, because I think she is growing up under difficult circumstances.

[RecentChange]

I guess it's tricky at this age.

 

Something else I would add, is supply condoms. I understand it's a fine line between consenting and educating - but I don't think anyone decided to have sex the first time because they could easily access condoms, but I am willing to bet many did not use condoms the first time because they weren't so easy to access. And when I say easy, I mean not having to buy them at a store, or go embarrass yourself in front of the school nurse etc.

 

My mom gave me the "talk" many times, even at that age. And talked about birth control. And about how she had put condoms in the hall closet, and if any of my friends needed them, heck if we were just curious and wanted to open some up and see what they were about.... They were there.

 

And you know what? We did check them out - which helped remove the embarrassment, and any stigma. Eventually my friends did need them. And years later when I had my first sexual experience, I understood how important they were, and wasn't embarrassed at all to talk about them.

 

Just a thought - but it's one of the things I really credit my mother with doing right.

 

If he's 13 and has a girl he is crazy about - it's getting to be that time.

[Mr. Lucky]

If he's 13 and has a girl he is crazy about - it's getting to be that time.

 

I think 13 is a year or two too soon for condoms and free range dating. By all means, keep the lines of communication and sex education open, but at that age any date my son and GF went on were chaperoned, as in I dropped them off at a movie and picked them up afterwards. Their time together was at our house with one of us home.

 

There’s enough pressure today to grow up quickly, you don’t have to buy in or add to it...

 

Mr. Lucky

[CC12]

At times, I could hear her teasing him and insisting that he is "rich" because he has two houses.

 

The gf also said she thinks he's rich because his brother goes to private school, and he will too.

 

Why does this bother you so much?

[Stomper]

Firstly, don't be afraid to be a parent. That is still your job.

 

Forget whatever Dawsons' Creek tries to teach, kids that age are still children in pubescent bodies. Sure, a few hundred years ago he could have already serving in the military and travelling the world, but times have changed.

 

You really do need to put a stop to it. This isn't the 50's, kids don't "go steady", share milkshakes and carve their initials into trees.

 

And you are right to be extremely concerned about the child's fixation on your "wealth." You need to understand that most teen pregnancies are not accidental. Believe me your son already knows all about condoms, the girl can go to any clinic and get an implant. And there are morning-after pills if everything else fails. Teenage girls have babies because the want to.

As I said, they still think like children. They see it as a fast track to adulthood, independence, and love.

 

And sorry but yes, your son telling he loves her, is the worst part.

The issue is NOT teenagers being horny. Teenage girls will give their horny boyfriends BJs because they now it won't get them pregnant. If they do have intercourse, they'll use two condoms because neither wants a pregnancy. The problem is a small minority of girls, who see having a baby as a way out.