How often do you see each other?

[ElKay]

During the various stages of dating, how often do you usually see the person that you're dating?

And what would be the ideal number of times in a week, for example?

 

Very curious to see as one of my friends is used to seeing her guys every other day, while I've always dated guys that prefered 1-2 times a week, which is within my comfort zone.

[Happy Lemming]

how often do you usually see the person that you're dating?

And what would be the ideal number of times in a week, for example?

 

1-2 times a week is the norm for me (seeing a woman). This is ideal, in my opinion and works for me.

 

My long term girlfriend (6.5 years) and I see each other on the weekends (only).

[GTR King]

Start of dating 1-2 times a week.

 

When you get to know each other more can be all weekend or 3-4 times a week

 

Just gotta do what you feel is better each person is different

[PRW]

Pretty much what the others said.

 

Once a week for the first 3-4 dates.

After that if the woman reaches out mid week, that's the que to make the next date, so the number can increase.

If it goes well the woman will bring up the exclusivity conversation around 7th-8th.

Once exclusive, there isn't really a number. You just need to have enough common sense to give each other a little "rest" once in a while from each other.

 

Below is a pre-written outline that I tend to give out to guys. It is focused on the guy, and it ends when exclusivity begins,...so it stops applying after exclusivity, but it still cautions to use some common sense even after exclusivity.

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Phase One – a few weeks to a month long

 

It begins when the guy offers a girl a specific date once a week and sets the date for a week away. You are making her an offer, present it that way like you know what you are doing. Plan it out ahead of time so you already know what you are offering. A good pattern is ask on Monday or Tues for a weekend date. No “fuzzy” dates! She needs a specific time/day/place. If you hit a day she can’t do it and she actually wants to spend time with you she will give you a counter offer or at least let you know in some way that it is ok to try again later. If she does neither of those then she probably isn’t into you. A compromise option would be to ask her when she is free to get together then offer a specific time/day/place.

 

No chit-chatting, texting/calling between setting the date and arriving on the date, but if she contacts you then be nice, pleasant, friendly, chat with her a bit, but keep it short. This is important to build anticipation for the date so both parties are excited to see each other when they arrive. It demonstrates integrity of both parties when they actually show up for the date without needing to be reassuring each other leading up to it. It eliminates either party from saying something stupid in a text or phone call to weaken the other’s attraction to them before they even make it to the date or maybe causing the date to be canceled or at minimum cause the other to be half-hearted about it. It is needy, insecure, and impatient people on both sides that think they need to maintain chit-chat leading up to the date or the other one might forget about them and not show up.

 

No expensive dates, no exuberant dates, no long trips, no weekend trips, no vacation trips, no meeting family/friends. Guy pays for the date. Get over it. Maybe the woman can pick up the tip if she wants. Guys, keep it happy, fun, and light hearted. No heavy subjects. Guys, what a woman remembers about a date are different than you remember. She remembers how you made her feel. So make sure she always thinks of happy feelings and fun when she thinks of you.

 

Do not bring up any labels what-so-ever, such as boyfriend, girlfriend, relationship, marriage, love, or anything else along those lines. At this point you are not her boyfriend and she is not your girlfriend. That is her job to bring that stuff up when she is ready,…not your job. You both still need to understand that you have the freedom to see other people at the same time, even if you don’t choose to act on it,…it is a frame of mind you both need to have.

 

Rinse and repeat, over and over each week or so, but not more than once a week at this early point. Show some discipline.

 

Phase Two – a few more weeks long to a couple months

 

After a few weeks if you haven’t made mistakes the woman will start to contact you in between the dates. This is your cue to set the next date. This shifts some of the power over to the woman. Earlier the guy did all the chasing and setting the date. But now the dates happen each time the woman contacts you which gives her control of the frequency. You are both now sharing in the process. This means to an extent that the dates are her idea and if she is chasing you then she isn't dumping you. It also means that you may now potentially see each other more than once a week. But don’t get carried away, still show some discipline. The rest of this phase is about the same as phase one.

 

Minimal chit-chatting, texting/calling between setting the date and arriving on the date. You can do a little more at this point because she is reaching out to you, but the principle is still the same, so keep it to a minimum.

 

As earlier, no expensive dates, no exuberant dates, no long trips, no weekend trips, no vacation trips, no meeting family/friends. Guy pays for the date. Maybe the woman can pick up the tip if she wants. Again, keep it happy, fun, and light hearted. No heavy subjects. Guys, what a woman remembers about a date are different than you remember. She remembers how you made her feel. So make sure she always thinks of happy feelings and fun when she thinks of you.

 

Still you do not bring up any labels what-so-ever, such as boyfriend, girlfriend, relationship, marriage, love, or anything else along those lines. At this point you still are not her boyfriend and she still is not your girlfriend. That is her job to bring that stuff up when she is ready,…not your job. You both still need to understand that you have the freedom to see other people at the same time, even if you don’t choose to act on it,…it is a frame of mind you both need to have.

 

Phase 3 – Lasts until you breakup, co-habitate, get married, or she runs over you with the car

 

If you haven’t made a bunch of mistakes and discouraged her, on average at around 7-8 weeks (maybe longer if you made mistakes) the woman may bring up the exclusivity conversation. She may be vague about it, so you might have to question a little to be sure if that is what she is saying she wants. If that is what she wants, and if you agree to it then you are now finally boyfriend/girlfriend and will need to drop off any others that you both may be seeing.

 

Even after exclusivity happens you still have to keep your head screwed on straight and don't forget what got you to where you are. You still have to show discipline, emotional control and impulse control. Although women may claim they like someone who is a bit impulsive, erratic impulsiveness is not attractive and sometimes just flat scares the crap out of them.

[Gaeta]

Here how it went for us. We are both 50, his kids are in Europe and my only daughter is an adult that moved out years ago so we had nothing in the way to spend time together.

 

 

 

* 1st to 3 months: we had 1 or 2 dates a week.

* 3 months to 1 year: We had 3, sometimes 4 dates a week

* 1 year + we see each other every day of the week and he may spend 1 day a week at his place.

[PRW]

Well done. You guys handled that perfectly. If only the rest of the world would.

 

Here how it went for us. We are both 50, his kids are in Europe and my only daughter is an adult that moved out years ago so we had nothing in the way to spend time together.

 

* 1st to 3 months: we had 1 or 2 dates a week.

* 3 months to 1 year: We had 3, sometimes 4 dates a week

* 1 year + we see each other every day of the week and he may spend 1 day a week at his place.

[Fair]

Here how it went for us. We are both 50, his kids are in Europe and my only daughter is an adult that moved out years ago so we had nothing in the way to spend time together.

 

 

 

* 1st to 3 months: we had 1 or 2 dates a week.

* 3 months to 1 year: We had 3, sometimes 4 dates a week

* 1 year + we see each other every day of the week and he may spend 1 day a week at his place.

 

This seems ideal, but it also looks like a blueprint that was mapped out in advance. Did you plan/discuss doing it this way or did it just evolve? How much contact did you have during the first three months via phone calls and texts?

[damni]

With my boyfriend of 6 months, it was one day a week for a few months then it went to twice a week and now at 6 months it seems to naturally extended to 3 times a week.

 

I am a single mum though, with my ex we saw each other every other day but that be too much for me now.

[Gaeta]

This seems ideal, but it also looks like a blueprint that was mapped out in advance. Did you plan/discuss doing it this way or did it just evolve? How much contact did you have during the first three months via phone calls and texts?

It did flow naturally BUT I'd say if one of us had control over the flow it was my BF. If I had been in charge we would probably have spent more time together sooner. I was following his lead, he was a bit slower but he was steady to I felt in good hands.

 

 

My BF doesn't text, at all. At first he would give me a quick call hello every 2 days. After about 6-8 weeks we became exclusive he called once each day for 5-10 minutes, sometimes twice depending on what was going in our lives at that time. I remember at 4 months dating we made a road trip to my parents and after that I felt more 'togetherness' in our relationship.

[ElKay]

Pretty sound answers so far! I feel like every other day would be a bit exhausting for me, especially now that the cold weather is wearing us both down pretty intensely.

 

If I didn't live with my family and didn't have my daily dog walking duties, it might have been easier to stay a night away from them more often.

 

Thank you to those that answered so far!

[snowboy91]

* 1st to 3 months: we had 1 or 2 dates a week.

* 3 months to 1 year: We had 3, sometimes 4 dates a week

* 1 year + we see each other every day of the week and he may spend 1 day a week at his place.

 

The fact that it progresses to more and more often is cruical to the answer to this question. But ultimately it's up to the people involved to decide how often is often enough/too often.

 

In my last relationship, we lived in neighbouring student halls when we met, so it was literally a 1 minute walk to each other's rooms.

First (say) 3-4 months: Every second or third day

Following year: Nearly every day

After 2 years: living together.

 

Current relationship (4 months): Has been nearly every day since we started dating. We are postgrad students with offices in the same department so we can't avoid each other - but most days we only see each other for lunch and maybe go to each other's places at night. To be honest it feels like too much sometimes - I'd be happier if it was every second day.

[Gretchen12]

Early dating once a week. As a couple, 4-5 days out of a week, but depends on how far apart we live. If the guy is in the neighborhood we'd hang out after work most evenings.

[RecentChange]

Below is a pre-written outline that I tend to give out to guys. It is focused on the guy, and it ends when exclusivity begins,...so it stops applying after exclusivity, but it still cautions to use some common sense even after exclusivity.

 

[]

 

 

I just do not find that life follows these formulas that dating coaches and others like to spread as gospel.

 

I have known so many very rational minded men, that just can't figure out the dating thing because they did X and Y, and now Z is supposed to happen... But they miss the nuances, the subtleties, the humanity, the complicated emotions, the influences of hormones, culture...

 

Again, its my experience - but romantic relationships are just not so easy to break down into an equation.

 

Gaeta did it "right" according to you. Followed the formation of upping contact.

 

Me? Personally? Before I would give such advice, I would need a better understanding of the variables involved.

 

Age of the couple? What does personal life look like (college, working professional, single parent)? Up bringing, traditionalist, new wave? Goal of the relationship? Young and fun, road to marriage?

 

Besides straight up compatibility, all of these things will affect how a relationship will naturally progress.

 

I guess I did it all "wrong". We saw each other a few times a week for the first few weeks. Before two months was up - he said "I love you" and also moved 500 miles away. At that point I was spending 3-4 day weekends with him, essentially living at his house part time.

 

6 months later, I graduated college and moved in. We have been together for 18 years now.

 

For us, since the moment we met we were crazy about each other. There was no need for games, or limiting contact, or avoiding trips together, or treating each other to lavish dinners. We were, and still are in love.

 

So when some asks "how often should you see each other" - my response is - it varies. Not one answer would fit all.

 

Some see each other too often and fizzle it out (although I would argue that it would probably fizzle out eventually otherwise). Some do not make enough time for each other, and it fizzles out.

 

Sometimes one desires to see the other more - and often this imbalance makes things.... fizzle out.

 

Its about balance yes, and its a lot about MUTUAL desire. If you BOTH really want to spend time with each other - I see no reason not to. In my past relationships, when the feeling was mutual - seeing each other was always a plus (and come on! Sex!!).

 

Its when I liked someone more, and they didn't want to see me as much, that was a problem. When I had guys who were more into me, than I was with them - yep, that became a problem.

Edited November 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[hippychick3]

Its about balance yes, and its a lot about MUTUAL desire. If you BOTH really want to spend time with each other - I see no reason not to. In my past relationships, when the feeling was mutual - seeing each other was always a plus (and come on! Sex!!).

 

Its when I liked someone more, and they didn't want to see me as much, that was a problem. When I had guys who were more into me, than I was with them - yep, that became a problem.

 

^^^This

 

There is no perfect formula for doing this

 

Every couple consists of two individuals with different levels of need for emotional closeness/connection. Some people need to move more slowly than others. There’s no right or wrong answer just as there is no formula or rules for texting when dating.

 

My bf and I saw each other 5-6 nights a week after dating 2 weeks (during the weeks I didn’t have my kids). We are in a successful long term relationship. What works for some may not work for others.

Edited November 15, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncated quote ~ V

[Sunlight72]

I agree with RecentChange and hippychick3. PRW, I think your formula (probably any formula) lacks imagination, romance, and room for a warm connection to grow as it will. Also, it's not clear to me what you think the goal of dating is. For me it is to find someone to enjoy life with. My life happens every day.

 

One of the best decisions of my life was to take a 2 week trip to Kauai for a third date - about 10 days after our first date. We were together a little less than 2 years, and had many adventures I relish. My fiancée and I went on our first three dates in 3 days, then spent two days & nights together. We are long-distance, and now spend 5 to 8 days together, then 5 to 8 days apart. In past relationships, I'd suppose within 4 to 6 months my girlfriend and I would be seeing each other 5 to 7 days a week. For me, it feels natural and warm that way.

[Logo]

Some recommend ramping it up over time. Others go with their intuition or what feels good. When I'm into someone, and we're both on the same page, things just happen and work out.

 

 

 

I don't believe in formulas, but I'd be open to trying it just to see how it goes.

[Gaeta]

I don't believe in having a plan set out ahead of time and keeping track of phone calls and purposely putting distance between contact to build attraction as some believe. That being said as per my personal experience I have noticed that spending too much time together at first creates a false sense of familiarity and that's when trouble shows up. Suddenly you wake up and wonder who's that person next to me! Well that's because you didn't take the time to get to know him/her and jumped right into playing 'couples'.

 

 

 

Example one of my brothers met a woman and they 'connected'. They spent 1 week together as their first meeting. My brother was totally infatuated with her he couldn't see clear. She put him through hell for an entire year before he broke it off with her. If he had taken the time to get to know her, and observe her, before creating this false sense of familiarity with her he would have seen earlier that she was a crazy nut. But because he had spent so much time with her at the beginning in his head this relationship felt like something long term worthy to be saved and worthy of suffering for. (which was not the case)

 

 

 

Yes yes there are the exceptions here and there that made it 20 years together but in 'general' these fast pace relationship don't make it very long.

[PRW]

[]

 

If you are in a relationship then you are already past the time period the material is talking about. It only covers the first few weeks before you become BF/GF. There aren't a bunch of rules there, it is just an adjustment in behavor and thinking,...and I stand by what I wrote. It was originally written to the insecure guys, who become "clingers" the first time a woman smiles at them, to help them keep from going off the rails with every dating opportunity they get into. But hey,...what do I know? I missed out on my sociology degree, got confused and went in the wrong bathroom, and my STEM research buddies don't like my music.

Edited November 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[Malin889]

I don't believe in having a plan set out ahead of time and keeping track of phone calls and purposely putting distance between contact to build attraction as some believe. That being said as per my personal experience I have noticed that spending too much time together at first creates a false sense of familiarity and that's when trouble shows up. Suddenly you wake up and wonder who's that person next to me! Well that's because you didn't take the time to get to know him/her and jumped right into playing 'couples'.

 

Example one of my brothers met a woman and they 'connected'. They spent 1 week together as their first meeting. My brother was totally infatuated with her he couldn't see clear. She put him through hell for an entire year before he broke it off with her. If he had taken the time to get to know her, and observe her, before creating this false sense of familiarity with her he would have seen earlier that she was a crazy nut. But because he had spent so much time with her at the beginning in his head this relationship felt like something long term worthy to be saved and worthy of suffering for. (which was not the case)

 

Yes yes there are the exceptions here and there that made it 20 years together but in 'general' these fast pace relationship don't make it very long.

 

God that sounds awful (about your brother)

[snowcones]

Let's see, Relationship #1: After we first met, we saw each other about 5 times a week for a year, until I moved an hour away for a year, in which time we saw each other on weekends, then we got married.

 

Relationship #2: After we first met, we saw each other every weekend and occasionally adding a weekday. Since we first met we texted and/or talked on the phone every single day and that's the way we both liked it too. We probably would have seen each other more if not for the fact that I have kids. We had the exclusivity talk about 3 weeks into dating and we continued this frequency of seeing each other until we broke up.

[GTR King]

I have just got into a new relationship.. (Dating 2 weeks) (BF/GF Few days)

 

So 1-3 times a week is fine as need time to spend with friends etc.

 

every day is too much and it will get boring after awhile

 

Usually call each other each night for 30 mins or so (When not seeing each other)

 

So seeing her tomz after work

[RecentChange]

[]

 

If you are in a relationship then you are already past the time period the material is talking about. It only covers the first few weeks before you become BF/GF. There aren't a bunch of rules there, it is just an adjustment in behavor and thinking,...and I stand by what I wrote. It was originally written to the insecure guys, who become "clingers" the first time a woman smiles at them, to help them keep from going off the rails with every dating opportunity they get into. But hey,...what do I know? I missed out on my sociology degree, got confused and went in the wrong bathroom, and my STEM research buddies don't like my music.

 

So PRW, can you tell us how this has worked for YOU in real life experiences? How did you meet your girlfriend? Do you have a girlfriend? How many relationships have you had?

 

You come off very strongly as someone who has studied PUA on line... but lack real life application and experience.

 

[]

 

So I am simply curious, what is your background that makes you so qualified to advise "insecure guys". Were you one of them, but learned from this and changed your behavior, and now have great success with women?

 

Or do you help your friends and now they are successful with women? Whats your angle?

 

[]

Edited November 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[JuneL]

I just do not find that life follows these formulas that dating coaches and others like to spread as gospel.

 

I have known so many very rational minded men, that just can't figure out the dating thing because they did X and Y, and now Z is supposed to happen... But they miss the nuances, the subtleties, the humanity, the complicated emotions, the influences of hormones, culture...

 

 

I really like this part, especially the use of the word gospel.

[Sunlight72]

There aren't a bunch of rules there, it is just an adjustment in behavor and thinking,...and I stand by what I wrote. It was originally written to the insecure guys, who become "clingers" the first time a woman smiles at them, to help them keep from going off the rails with every dating opportunity they get into. But hey,...

Ah, I see. That makes sense, particularly if that is the mindset of guys you were thinking of when you wrote it. I can see how that would be helpful.

 

I find your posts interesting. It's a discussion, and I wanted to mention that other approaches work for people too.

[Chilli]

Well , your obviously talking no bodies and ya crazy to let things get too involved and carried away with nobodies.

But when you really fall in love , it has a life it's own and will take off like a bat outa hell with it's ass on fire before long.