ShutUpAndDance123 Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 Just like the title says. I have been no contact with my ex for 4 months now. Ultimately his choice to move on without any kind of communication. He deleted my number and I deleted his. The pain comes in waves now, smaller waves than in the beginning. It's been challenging for me to work through my emotions and move on. In that time I have done a lot of therapy and self reflection. I've been looking for new jobs to leave this city so I can give myself a hard reset. There's too many sad memories here. Didn't even think about opening myself up to dating. Recently I was asked out on a date to which I agreed. It's still a few days away but I thought this could help me open up more, turn a corner and figure out what I am ready for... Whatever that may be. Well, I turned on my dating apps again and almost instantly saw my ex on there. Felt like a punch to the gut and I felt a lump in my throat. Apparently he's doing well. Living it up just like he always wanted. Though I know behind that veil of success is someone that's emotionally unavailable. I saw his IG was attached and the last picture uploaded was this drawing I'd made for him just before he dumped me. I was surprised he didn't delete it after everything was said and done. It was so bittersweet to see. I don't plan to ever reach out... But now I'm triggered again. I hope this doesn't set me back, but that was a horrible way to start my day. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 Turn your dating apps back off. Do go on the date you have set up but pay your own way & don't expect much. As long as the waves are smaller then they were, that is progress. Maybe get through the holidays then revisit dating. Give yourself time to heal. It's OK to feel sad & be upset. Stop trying to think that you have to magically be all better. In time you will heal; it's just not that time yet. Keep busy. Take care of your health. Reconnect with old friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShutUpAndDance123 Posted November 15, 2018 Author Share Posted November 15, 2018 Turn your dating apps back off. Do go on the date you have set up but pay your own way & don't expect much. As long as the waves are smaller then they were, that is progress. Maybe get through the holidays then revisit dating. Give yourself time to heal. It's OK to feel sad & be upset. Stop trying to think that you have to magically be all better. In time you will heal; it's just not that time yet. Keep busy. Take care of your health. Reconnect with old friends. Thank you. I've been on solo trips, also busy with school, and looking for a new job out of state. But in the moment I felt like a loser... Inadequate. And I know I'm not. I have things going for me. I didn't halt my future plans or anything. It was such a jolt of emotion after seeing his face again. I don't keep memorabilia in site and all pictures of us are kept in an cloud storage. The progress I've made is great, thanks to a very supportive therapist. I'm continuing to examine my own behavior and boundaries. But I see your point, as long as he's on those same apps there's no guarantee I won't see his face again. I'm not expecting anything from this date and I plan to be fully transparent about where I'm at emotionally if he asks. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 (edited) If you are in school, you don't need the apps. Just look around on campus. Don't be too transparent. Just say you were hurt recently & you want to take things slow. Edited November 15, 2018 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted November 15, 2018 Share Posted November 15, 2018 In all likelihood your Ex is probably suffering too. STAY NO CONTACT NO MATTER WHAT and time will ease the pain little by little. And don't be surprised when as soon as you don't feel the pain so much anymore and your mind has shifted towards thinking about new men, the ex contacts you. I also would consider unfollowing him on social media so he is not in your face all the time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShutUpAndDance123 Posted November 15, 2018 Author Share Posted November 15, 2018 In all likelihood your Ex is probably suffering too. STAY NO CONTACT NO MATTER WHAT and time will ease the pain little by little. And don't be surprised when as soon as you don't feel the pain so much anymore and your mind has shifted towards thinking about new men, the ex contacts you. I also would consider unfollowing him on social media so he is not in your face all the time. Thanks. I don't follow him on any social media. There's an option on the app to link to your social media sites like Instagram. So that's how I was able to see the picture. I didn't go looking for it. I really don't think he'll contact me again... Long story short he tried to contact me multiple times after our break up to try and maintain some sort of friendship. It worked for a little bit until our feelings got in the way... but in the end he realized he needed to move on and didn't want to be part of my life anymore, in any capacity. Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 Thanks. I don't follow him on any social media. There's an option on the app to link to your social media sites like Instagram. So that's how I was able to see the picture. I didn't go looking for it. I really don't think he'll contact me again... Long story short he tried to contact me multiple times after our break up to try and maintain some sort of friendship. It worked for a little bit until our feelings got in the way... but in the end he realized he needed to move on and didn't want to be part of my life anymore, in any capacity. Experienced that before too. Mark my words, he will still contact you! But it won't be until you have healed and moved on emotionally. Watch.... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 16, 2018 Share Posted November 16, 2018 Experienced that before too. Mark my words, he will still contact you! But it won't be until you have healed and moved on emotionally. Watch.... No, that is not always true. It's not helpful to feed these ideas to posters who are hurting and would better served by focusing on recovery and healing. There is simply no guarantee than an ex will return, nor that it would even be in the dumpee's best interest if they do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShutUpAndDance123 Posted November 16, 2018 Author Share Posted November 16, 2018 No, that is not always true. It's not helpful to feed these ideas to posters who are hurting and would better served by focusing on recovery and healing. There is simply no guarantee than an ex will return, nor that it would even be in the dumpee's best interest if they do. Thanks. Tbh that's the kind of thinking that gave me false hope. This was awful especially post break up when he did contact me when I seemed to be getting better. All that did was give me temporary happiness and unhealthy boundaries. Drove me crazy when I didn't hear from him. It was like a horrible game. I'm better off not even thinking he'll come back someday. I have to mourn the loss of this relationship like a death. It's dead and gone and all that's left is to move on with my life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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