Benrec Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 Hello. I have an old friend Ive known all my life. Were both 27 and was in the same class for 12 years in school. He has a bit of issues, anxiety, social akward guy, afraid of lots of things and ocd. may have aspergers.. hes not actually sure about this himself he says. Hes dead stuck in a rut. Living in his parents basement only having a small room and still sleeps in his small kidsize bed. Nowhere near getting a girl and just want to sit in his room all day except 4 times a week he hikes nearby mountain trail. He dont have a job or any money saved up. I try telling him that he needs to take action and not let life just dissappear before his eyes and get him out to bars (he do like to drink sometimes). Hes extremely hung up in the past. Talking about all those things we did, repeats funny sentences people said 10 years ago. Telling same stories over and over and over. I try to change subject to get him present in the moment, but its very difficult. He never have even his own opinions. Ex: if hes telling me some crazy thing someone recently said and I say: whoah, thats a douchebag thing to say/do. He constantly ask me to comfirm: you think so? Why is it? Was that not nice? I dont get this part of him. Anyway im looking for how to try help him. I feel like Im hitting a wall. I understand its his responsobility and all, but I want to help friends. I think its horrible to see him live a home when hes soon 30. But he says hes to afraid to move out.. Any tips?
preraph Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 Well, if his parents have never taken him to a psychiatrist and had him assessed, there isn't much you can do, because first you have to know what all is wrong. He has no money, so I guess he can't take himself. It's on his parents, who sound lame.
Author Benrec Posted November 15, 2018 Author Posted November 15, 2018 Well, if his parents have never taken him to a psychiatrist and had him assessed, there isn't much you can do, because first you have to know what all is wrong. He has no money, so I guess he can't take himself. It's on his parents, who sound lame. Yeah.. he was in some form of institution many years ago. That helped him slightly. I feel he has just given up. Hes adopted from south america (i live in scandinavia) Idunno. Hes parents are such nice people and hard workers. His sister is very different and moved out at age 19
Ronni_W Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 Anyway im looking for how to try help him. Benrec, did you ask your friend if, at the end of the day, he's actually really okay with his present situation? Not is he afraid to move out, but does he want to get over his fear of moving out? If so, then you can ask him what does he want to do about getting over his fear. What does he see as his best and most viable options for him to achieve what he wants out of life? It's really quite impossible to help someone who does not really want to make the effort to change their own situation, or who does not feel that they need help, or who has not specifically asked for your help (no matter how much they complain about it to you, they still don't do anything constructive to help make the change happen that they keep saying they want to happen). At some point, it becomes no longer about you helping that person but about you wanting to feel better about yourself for keep trying, and not letting it go, to help that person. Does that make sense? At some point, you do have to just let it go.
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