delpedro21 Posted November 17, 2018 Share Posted November 17, 2018 Hi everyone, I'll get right to it. Me and my partner been together 5 years now. Loads of bad times, a few good ones. This particular issue as been happening since the start. On our first month together my partner kept talking alot about an ex from 5 years before, I thought it was a bit weird but I put up with it thinking it was something she needed to get out of her. Then I found out she was still keeping contact with him behind my back. I didn't overreact and calmly spoke to her about it. My concern was since it was an ex that bothered her so much why the contact and more importantly why lie and hide it. Her answer was just he was just an old friend. I replied that if his just a friend then I'm ok with it, just don't lie and hide it. I also asked if it was me doing that would she be ok. She said no. So we both agreed in that 1 month that if it was an ex we would not keep contact, unless for a validate reason. Over the next 5 years, she repeatedly found a way to contact him, followed by serious arguments between us about it. And 1 or 2 cases where we almost broke up about it. A month ago she had again contacted him, and we spoke seriously about it, my point was I had enough so she needed to make a choice, either he was a friend that she needed, and I would accept that aslong as she did not hide or lie about it again, or if he wasn't then she would delete and block for good. She decided that she didn't need him and promised to block him. So this week, I did something bad, I went down her fb. I know it's wrong, but I did find what I suspected. Her contacting him, and this time there was an invite from him for them to meet next month. " fyi he lives in Australia and got wife". He is coming over for a few weeks only. Now this time I confronted her, and I wasn't having any more of it. I said I wanted to break it off, but I gave her a chance to explain first. I only got the same answer, "his an old friend, then said he wasn't, then said that didn't know why she contacted him again". I ended it right then. I explained it was because constantly liying and deceiving about it is bad enough regardless if there was anything between them or not. Please can anyone tell me what they think of this? There is more parts I didn't write, so please ask if need. I do love her so much, but I don't think there is a way out. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 17, 2018 Share Posted November 17, 2018 I think you did the painful but honourable thing of ending this relationship. If a woman lies to you constantly and you accept it, you just become her emotional doormat to be lied to and abused incessantly. You showed her the man side of you, that proper gentlemen don't tolerate unfaithful women. Well done. Now go do some fun stuff and heal. Take all the time you need to heal from this deceit. Electronic high five to you. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 17, 2018 Share Posted November 17, 2018 She has lied to you over and over again. Any promise to not lie again cannot be trusted. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted November 17, 2018 Share Posted November 17, 2018 Hi everyone, I'll get right to it. Me and my partner been together 5 years now. Loads of bad times, a few good ones. This particular issue as been happening since the start. On our first month together my partner kept talking alot about an ex from 5 years before, I thought it was a bit weird but I put up with it thinking it was something she needed to get out of her. Then I found out she was still keeping contact with him behind my back. I didn't overreact and calmly spoke to her about it. My concern was since it was an ex that bothered her so much why the contact and more importantly why lie and hide it. Her answer was just he was just an old friend. I replied that if his just a friend then I'm ok with it, just don't lie and hide it. I also asked if it was me doing that would she be ok. She said no. So we both agreed in that 1 month that if it was an ex we would not keep contact, unless for a validate reason. Over the next 5 years, she repeatedly found a way to contact him, followed by serious arguments between us about it. And 1 or 2 cases where we almost broke up about it. A month ago she had again contacted him, and we spoke seriously about it, my point was I had enough so she needed to make a choice, either he was a friend that she needed, and I would accept that aslong as she did not hide or lie about it again, or if he wasn't then she would delete and block for good. She decided that she didn't need him and promised to block him. So this week, I did something bad, I went down her fb. I know it's wrong, but I did find what I suspected. Her contacting him, and this time there was an invite from him for them to meet next month. " fyi he lives in Australia and got wife". He is coming over for a few weeks only. Now this time I confronted her, and I wasn't having any more of it. I said I wanted to break it off, but I gave her a chance to explain first. I only got the same answer, "his an old friend, then said he wasn't, then said that didn't know why she contacted him again". I ended it right then. I explained it was because constantly liying and deceiving about it is bad enough regardless if there was anything between them or not. Please can anyone tell me what they think of this? There is more parts I didn't write, so please ask if need. I do love her so much, but I don't think there is a way out. That pretty much supports the break up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 17, 2018 Share Posted November 17, 2018 I'm big on sports analogies, but struggling to come up with one where you get strike six, seven and eight. Since there's been no real consequences, up to this point you've told her through your actions the contact is OK. Oh, you'll get mad, but eventually that blows over and it's all forgotten. You're going to have to prove this is a deal-breaker for you, you will indeed end the relationship if this doesn't change. As you're finding, you get what you permit... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted November 17, 2018 Share Posted November 17, 2018 Hi everyone, I'll get right to it. Me and my partner been together 5 years now. Loads of bad times, a few good ones. This particular issue as been happening since the start. On our first month together my partner kept talking alot about an ex from 5 years before, I thought it was a bit weird but I put up with it thinking it was something she needed to get out of her. Then I found out she was still keeping contact with him behind my back. I didn't overreact and calmly spoke to her about it. My concern was since it was an ex that bothered her so much why the contact and more importantly why lie and hide it. Her answer was just he was just an old friend. I replied that if his just a friend then I'm ok with it, just don't lie and hide it. I also asked if it was me doing that would she be ok. She said no. So we both agreed in that 1 month that if it was an ex we would not keep contact, unless for a validate reason. Over the next 5 years, she repeatedly found a way to contact him, followed by serious arguments between us about it. And 1 or 2 cases where we almost broke up about it. A month ago she had again contacted him, and we spoke seriously about it, my point was I had enough so she needed to make a choice, either he was a friend that she needed, and I would accept that aslong as she did not hide or lie about it again, or if he wasn't then she would delete and block for good. She decided that she didn't need him and promised to block him. So this week, I did something bad, I went down her fb. I know it's wrong, but I did find what I suspected. Her contacting him, and this time there was an invite from him for them to meet next month. " fyi he lives in Australia and got wife". He is coming over for a few weeks only. Now this time I confronted her, and I wasn't having any more of it. I said I wanted to break it off, but I gave her a chance to explain first. I only got the same answer, "his an old friend, then said he wasn't, then said that didn't know why she contacted him again". I ended it right then. I explained it was because constantly liying and deceiving about it is bad enough regardless if there was anything between them or not. Please can anyone tell me what they think of this? There is more parts I didn't write, so please ask if need. I do love her so much, but I don't think there is a way out. I used to think that other details mattered, but they didn't. It was a black and white case, she was a liar and I couldn't trust her anymore. Nothing else mattered. And much like in your case, I got a million and one excuses and "explanations". In the end, I filed them all under I don't give a **** what your excuse is anymore. Please do not give your love to someone who doesn't love you and to someone who doesn't respect you. She is not worthy of either. As painful and as hard is it may be, it's time to forget her and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author delpedro21 Posted November 17, 2018 Author Share Posted November 17, 2018 I'm big on sports analogies, but struggling to come up with one where you get strike six, seven and eight. Since there's been no real consequences, up to this point you've told her through your actions the contact is OK. Oh, you'll get mad, but eventually that blows over and it's all forgotten. You're going to have to prove this is a deal-breaker for you, you will indeed end the relationship if this doesn't change. As you're finding, you get what you permit... Mr. Lucky In the past there was some consequences, massive arguments, days without talking to her and previous time space apart for a few weeks. This time I ended it for good. First day or two she texted and called to apologise and to give her another chance. After third day I got text saying we not good together, maybe it's best we apart and that she couldn't make me happy. I saw it mostly as giving up, and for me that is her way of saying we are not worth enough for her to try. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted November 17, 2018 Share Posted November 17, 2018 Her last text was probably more about ego if you didn't respond to the previous ones. It appears for whatever reason she will stay in contact with her ex. So if you don't want to deal with that (and who would), you did the right thing by ending it. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 On our first month together my partner kept talking alot about an ex from 5 years before, That was your cue to leave. People who are still hung up on exes and can't stop talking about them have unfinished business with them. Never date anyone who has unfinished business with an ex, you will just get hurt... Link to post Share on other sites
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