Chilli Posted November 17, 2018 Share Posted November 17, 2018 My dad , and mum were always great to talk to , and most of my family are to actually. l have a brother up where l'm living now and we talk a lot about pretty well anything. He is a lot more hold it in though than the other brothers, it's just his nature. My gf and l can tell each other anything, anything, same with my ex w, l love that sorta personality in my woman and that's what l go for. No prim proper stick in the mud types for me, can't stand them. But after l was divorced l did get with somebody for a little while, we got along incredibly which was why it took off in the first place. But there was always a thing with her , a line, as to what you could talk about and what you couldn't and what she might throw back in your face if you did. Totally against my grain, always knew it with her and that was never right about her so despite feelings l'm kinda glad it didn't work out because it was the first time l'd ever fallen for someone with that edge to them , but never again. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 17, 2018 Share Posted November 17, 2018 That's the real disconnect though, it's not about suffering in silence. You're not suffering. Even when you take a hit, when things don't work out, it might sting for a bit but it heals. You don't need to blab on and on endlessly. You're strong enough to get over it and not make the same mistakes again. A couple of my ex-coworkers like to share their feelings on facebook a lot, memes about their pain, motivational memes. One guy posted this pic of a guy with 20 knives in his back comforting a woman with one, whining about how mens pain is ignored. No real surprise his wife just left him for another man. Women don't like weakness and that's exactly what it is. If you think being willing to share your feelings and confide in others is weakness, then I guess we'll just have to disagree. And no, I'm not talking about liking cat videos on social media or the other examples you cite. Let's just say the people I love and care about don't have to guess how I feel about them. I've even been known to 'gasp' hug some of them. I'll stop there, don't want to completely forfeit my man card... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 17, 2018 Share Posted November 17, 2018 I'll stop there, don't want to completely forfeit my man card... Mr. Lucky your man card is always good with me Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 For the sake of 'argument', assume that it had to do with the specific 'skeletons'. In the context of this thread, it's an experience that mitigates, at least for me, to in future confiding in no one. Since I would want and hope that my SO was the person in all creation who would be most accepting of me, having that not be the case puts a perspective on the limits of the male/female relationships that are frequently discussed here on LS. Ok but you can't use one bad experience to cut yourself off completely surely? Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 Ok but you can't use one bad experience to cut yourself off completely surely? True , that would have been more about her in my book but eh , don't think l'd mention it again though just en case. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 I've got a lot of good friends I can confide in. I don't share absolutely everything, but I find that some people are better to share certain things with than others. I'd like to think I can deal with a fair bit of what life throws at me, but for things that are more difficult to deal with, getting help from others is helpful. The alternative might be to just deal with it and not confide in anyone, but I'd just end up overthinking things and completely mess up the situation somehow. Link to post Share on other sites
Nilfiry Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 No one--not that I need one. Even if I had one, there is just nothing to say. Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 Ok but you can't use one bad experience to cut yourself off completely surely? Not the only bad experience. Just the most recent one, all with women, and one with a rather significant consequence. On the one hand, in my experience men are more accepting and laid back about other men's foibles. But people, me included, also don't have much to offer beyond sympathy, 'suck it up', and suggestions for what to do to accomplish the 'suck it up'. Since that's all I've ever gotten from confiding in people, but often with the addition of rejection when the confidant is female, well .... I can sympathize with myself perfectly well and give myself suggestions, usually pretty good ones, about what to do. I don't think I'm unusual in hoping that confiding in a person I care about and think cares about me will result in support. Getting rejection instead is beyond discouraging. If my personal experience can be generalized to other men, it would be one explanation for the stereotype of men keeping their feelings to themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 Not the only bad experience. Just the most recent one, all with women, and one with a rather significant consequence. On the one hand, in my experience men are more accepting and laid back about other men's foibles. But people, me included, also don't have much to offer beyond sympathy, 'suck it up', and suggestions for what to do to accomplish the 'suck it up'. Since that's all I've ever gotten from confiding in people, but often with the addition of rejection when the confidant is female, well .... I can sympathize with myself perfectly well and give myself suggestions, usually pretty good ones, about what to do. I don't think I'm unusual in hoping that confiding in a person I care about and think cares about me will result in support. Getting rejection instead is beyond discouraging. If my personal experience can be generalized to other men, it would be one explanation for the stereotype of men keeping their feelings to themselves. Confiding in a loved one is always harder and more open to judgement as the person confided in usually has a degree of investment. If say you had a gambling addiction and told a male friend, it is unlikely that male friend would be affected personally so he can be accepting and supportive as bottom line it is no skin off his nose. BUT if you told some woman you are dating, she is going to do some thinking and that thinking is going to take her to debt, bankruptcy and all sorts of "trouble", she thus is more likely to be non accepting and may bail all together. Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 (edited) In my experience many of my male friends talk to either their gfs or female friends, or female family members about emotional issues and problems or asking for advice. I tended to be that friend many times. Men dont interact that way with other men. If they do talk about the issue it's usually not as emotionally intimate and will usually involve a distraction of some kind. I do find that men more often then not will keep these emotions to themselves. Talking to other women only comes when it's just too hard to keep in. Edited November 18, 2018 by HiCrunchy Link to post Share on other sites
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