A fight with my cousin - what went wrong?

[somuchmusic]

I wrote about my cousin before, she is over 30, jobless, no idea what she wants to do, lives off her wealthy parents with whom she has a very confrontational relationship (they are as impulsive as she is - so no surprise there). I can imagine she is incredibly unhappy with herself and she just got turned down for a job she really wanted. The other day we were hanging out and we went to a supermarket. She saw some flowers and went: Oh I wish someone would bring me flowers again! And I jokingly replied: Oh, like that stalker guy.

 

Let me elaborate. About a year ago, mu cousin met a guy during pottery class. She had a boyfriend at the time (not sure if they were taking a break but I think not). She went out for drinks with this guy, then he walked her home. A few days later he appeared at her work with some flowers. I thought that was super inappropriate since she had a boyfriend and I told her that. I jokingly called him a stalker (being who I am I would not be happy with this - and I told her that IN MY OPINION). It wasn't a big deal a year ago, but the other day it was a trigger for a screaming match. Well... not a match - she was screaming, I was asking her to let it go. She kept telling me I made no sense, he wasn't a stalker, he walked her home.... I said I thought his behaviour was inappropriate and that was what I thought and we could agree to disagree. I was doing my shopping and she followed me around yelling at me that I made no sense. As I said, she is a very impulsive person with a lot of anger issues but I was so annoyed I wouldn't agree with her. I simply told her I disagree with her and let's please let it go. i was being calm and composed but she kept screaming.This guy is nobody in her life anymore and I couldnt understand why she was so upset.

 

After leaving the store her yelling got worse. She suddenly started saying: No wonder you dont have a boyfriend if you think that's terrible behaviour, that one gesture was better than anything a guy has ever done for you..... Now, my love life is a great insecurity of mine and I couldn't believe she went there. I asked her to leave me alone, to just walk away because she took it too far. She continued to scream and then I said no wonder she didn't get along with her parents because clearly she has a behaviour issue. She then walked away. Now, I maybe shouldn't have said what I said when we first walked in, but I had no idea she would react that way, especially since we had talked about it about a year before. Her screaming at me made me want to fight it even harder, so I stood my ground and gave her my opinion. Any thoughts?

[basil67]

She probably led him on and he wasn't a stalker...so you were out of line calling him that. But her reaction was also out of line. Sounds like the two of you excel in setting each other off.

[somuchmusic]

She probably led him on and he wasn't a stalker...so you were out of line calling him that. But her reaction was also out of line. Sounds like the two of you excel in setting each other off.

 

Thank you for your message. Hm.... Again, I was stating my opinion. The stalker remark was made in a humorous way. This is not anybody who is in her life anymore for her to be so sensitive about something that happened a year ago. You could argue that I am overly paranoid but that is MY opinion. I wasn't doing it to provoke her or put a negative spin on things. I was expressing my thoughts about the situation. Since I was told about it. Even if it were in poor taste, this human is no longer in her life nor was he an important someone. She had a boyfriend back then and I told her I thought it was inappropriate of the other guy to pursue a girl who is taken. She has the same boyfriend now. This guy is not her boyfriend and he never was her boyfriend. How was I setting her off, I was calm and composed. I asked her numerous times to chill and drop the subject, but she just kept screaming more and more. Am I not allowed to express my opinion? What kind of relationship can I have with someone who will scream bloody murder at me every time I disagree with her?