Best therapist for emotional abuse?

[manifestsunshine]

Hi there!

 

I'm looking into a cognitive behavioral therapist to overcome trauma/ptsd related to emotional abuse (from my ex).

 

Has anyone else had any good experiences or can recommend any other forms of therapy deemed helpful?

 

My stomach really hurts from all the compounded stress and talking to friends/family isn't helping me.

 

Thank you!

[basil67]

Psychologist. Get to the root of why you stayed with an abuser and work up from there.

[carhill]

Yeah, clinical psychologist who specializes in physical and emotional abuse. Also, if you had any triggers in childhood, there are some clinicians who specialize in forensics, examining behavior patterns from past traumas like in childhood. My exW had a rough childhood so our MC's expertise in that area helped us understand things better. Different milieu though, marriage. You're looking for a IC. LCSW's can be a good source for psychologist referrals. LCSW's often work with abused women in community programs and abused women shelters.

 

 

Good luck in your search!

[littleblackheart]

I was in therapy for the best part of 4 years (in and out) with 2 different psychologists after I left my exH- one (a woman) provided by my workplace, one (a man) that I met by chance doing something else.

 

I have a very close-knit family and very supportive friends so it's not like I was on my own. They saw me go through very turbulent times during my marriage, and they'd become more like cheerleaders after a while. Still, I was not getting better, even a couple of years after leaving him, still reliving the same stuff over and over again, like I was stuck in a crazy time-warp. Not good when you have kids. I felt like I was drowning.

 

Talking to those two psychologists, who had slightly different approaches and perspectives, has been invaluable. It helped me establish beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was in fact a victim of severe emotional and mental abuse and that it was not just in my head (you tend to distrust yourself after years of being gaslighted to a professional level) - both of them confirmed it, and at that point I needed that external professional validation, so it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

 

Above all, you need someone you can trust and who you feel will listen without judgement - it almost doesn't matter what 'type' of therapy you are following.

 

Not once did either of them make me feel like it was somehow 'my fault' for marrying him in the first place or for not leaving sooner or for having kids with him, etc (all the things I was already feeling guilty about). I was often reminded that while it's normal and healthy to take responsibility for your part in the dysfunction, you always need to remind yourself that you were abused, these were not normal circumstances - like a parallel universe.

 

I now feel like I have my life back (or close to it anyway).

 

 

I would have been the last person to get into therapy in my younger years, but after my experience, I wholeheartedly and unreservedly recommend it.

 

Best of luck.

[manifestsunshine]

Psychologist. Get to the root of why you stayed with an abuser and work up from there.

 

Thank you!

 

I saw a psychologist long ago for other childhood trauma but I'm thinking it didn't help me bc it was the wrong person for me. I didn't get the feedback I was looking for and they were just mirroring my words in hopes something would "click." I'm glad it's working for you and will reconsider.

[manifestsunshine]

Yeah, clinical psychologist who specializes in physical and emotional abuse. Also, if you had any triggers in childhood, there are some clinicians who specialize in forensics, examining behavior patterns from past traumas like in childhood. My exW had a rough childhood so our MC's expertise in that area helped us understand things better. Different milieu though, marriage. You're looking for a IC. LCSW's can be a good source for psychologist referrals. LCSW's often work with abused women in community programs and abused women shelters.

 

 

Good luck in your search!

 

Great, thank you!

 

Would definitely like to consider it bc I am deeply affected by my childhood in regards to codependency and dealing with narcissism. You are def sparking a lightbulb moment in me as to why my ex acted the way he did bc of his past childhood. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

 

Hmm..I can't seem to figure out what IC is. What does that stand for?

 

Thanks a lot! I'll look into LCSW as well. Hoping it may be more cost-effective. I'm def on a budget but know it is worth the investment.

[manifestsunshine]

I was in therapy for the best part of 4 years (in and out) with 2 different psychologists after I left my exH- one (a woman) provided by my workplace, one (a man) that I met by chance doing something else.

 

I have a very close-knit family and very supportive friends so it's not like I was on my own. They saw me go through very turbulent times during my marriage, and they'd become more like cheerleaders after a while. Still, I was not getting better, even a couple of years after leaving him, still reliving the same stuff over and over again, like I was stuck in a crazy time-warp. Not good when you have kids. I felt like I was drowning.

 

Talking to those two psychologists, who had slightly different approaches and perspectives, has been invaluable. It helped me establish beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was in fact a victim of severe emotional and mental abuse and that it was not just in my head (you tend to distrust yourself after years of being gaslighted to a professional level) - both of them confirmed it, and at that point I needed that external professional validation, so it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

 

Above all, you need someone you can trust and who you feel will listen without judgement - it almost doesn't matter what 'type' of therapy you are following.

 

Not once did either of them make me feel like it was somehow 'my fault' for marrying him in the first place or for not leaving sooner or for having kids with him, etc (all the things I was already feeling guilty about). I was often reminded that while it's normal and healthy to take responsibility for your part in the dysfunction, you always need to remind yourself that you were abused, these were not normal circumstances - like a parallel universe.

 

I now feel like I have my life back (or close to it anyway).

 

 

I would have been the last person to get into therapy in my younger years, but after my experience, I wholeheartedly and unreservedly recommend it.

 

Best of luck.

 

I appreciate you sharing your story. Thank you!

 

I have been looking into how it is hard for women to handle trauma and we can even get a form of PTSD after if it's not handled right away in the correct manner. I can totally relate and empathize with you - being on loop and it affecting everyday life.

 

I'm so glad to hear how both therapists played a huge role in your recovery! It gives me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like my parents and friends are tired of hearing me talk and want me to be over it, but I really cannot do this on my own. Also, it's digging into more past trauma which is resurfacing as well- it's a huge hell storm.

 

I actually am on a budget so from what I am hearing, I definitely want to find someone I'm comfortable w/ and who can provide the right feedback I'm looking for. I have been to a psychologist before as a child and didn't get the proper feedback I needed to move on- so I realize it was just the particular person who left a bad taste in my mouth. it was definitely more of a mirroring type of therapy of my words to make me realize what happened on my own, but it really didn't help.

 

My main concern is how quickly it will work. I guess it's very subjective..but hoping to feel some sort of relief. Thank you for your words of encouragment!

[carhill]

Great, thank you!

 

Would definitely like to consider it bc I am deeply affected by my childhood in regards to codependency and dealing with narcissism. You are def sparking a lightbulb moment in me as to why my ex acted the way he did bc of his past childhood. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

 

Hmm..I can't seem to figure out what IC is. What does that stand for?

 

Thanks a lot! I'll look into LCSW as well. Hoping it may be more cost-effective. I'm def on a budget but know it is worth the investment.

 

IC = Individual Counseling or Counselor.

 

More LoveShack shorthand here:

 

LoveShack Terminology - The guide to acronyms and forum shorthand

[manifestsunshine]

IC = Individual Counseling or Counselor.

 

More LoveShack shorthand here:

 

LoveShack Terminology - The guide to acronyms and forum shorthand

 

Thank you!!

 

I'll check out your link- didn't know about that