Garcon1986 Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 If you feel like you get something very important out of going to church, then keep on going there. She has no right to kick you out of bible study if that is important to you. However, if it would make you drastically uncomfortable, then you can switch churches or something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 So what do you think, should i stop going to their church? She is always there and i don’t feel like seeing her. Yes, if seeing her is too hard, then find yourself another church where you can feel at ease. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 Families are very important, especially to women. Women need their family they love the emotional support and they need the physical support too, child rearing is hard without relatives taking the strain. Any relationship that is not fully accepted by her family is probably doomed to failure sooner or later. So whilst it may all seem very romantic in an "Romeo and Juliet" or a "love conquers all" kind of a way at first, most find love does not conquer all and hostile families will win out in the end. Given the stark choice, the man or her family, the family will win, especially these close knit, religious type families. Best to just not get involved in the first place. Lesson learned. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Codww2 Posted November 18, 2018 Author Share Posted November 18, 2018 Okay, so yesterday she called me. I was thinking she might know what she want. But she asked if she can use her spotify account. (It’s under my subscription) I told her that i didn’t feel like talking and that i thought she called me because she would finally say what she wanted. I told her that she can’t contact me anymore (made it clear now) untill she knows what she want. I’m just wondering why she is doing this. Is it a cry for attention or is it just playing the dirty game? The game where she tries to annoy me untill the point i’m ready to break up as she doesn’t have the balls to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 Just like many of us said here, this young lady is unclear on what she wants. You are likely not going to get a clear answer from her until she discovers it for herself. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 So what do you think, should i stop going to their church? She is always there and i don’t feel like seeing her. Then you need to change churches. Okay, so yesterday she called me. I was thinking she might know what she want. But she asked if she can use her spotify account. (It’s under my subscription) I told her that i didn’t feel like talking and that i thought she called me because she would finally say what she wanted. I told her that she can’t contact me anymore (made it clear now) untill she knows what she want. I’m just wondering why she is doing this. Is it a cry for attention or is it just playing the dirty game? The game where she tries to annoy me untill the point i’m ready to break up as she doesn’t have the balls to do it. She's playing games because she is a naïve 20 year old. With the secret relationship, the parents never being accepting of you, your controlling nature & now this fight, as others have pointed out to you, this relationship has run it's course. Let it be over. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 I can’t believe she isn’t crazy about me antmore. It was just last week that she told me every day that she loved me and can’t live without me... People used to think the world was flat and they would sail off the edge until someone proved them wrong. Your jealous argument proved her wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 If you want her back then you talking to other girls will likely kill any chance you had, as obviously she sounds like she is the jealous type. He should be sleeping with other girls, not just talking to them. Waiting around like a doormat gets you nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Codww2 Posted November 19, 2018 Author Share Posted November 19, 2018 So a quick update, she texted me last night and called me. She was hysteric and was crying. She told me she still didn’t know what to do and it was killing her. A part of her wanted to stay with me and another didn’t. She told me it was okay for me to move on. She had to figure stuff out. She told me that what was confusing her was the family problem. She was really mind****ing me. It was as she didn’t want me to leave. But i can’t be with someone who doesn’t know who wants to be with me. The problem is that i actually felt bad for her. She was so broken. She told me she couldn’t stop thinking about me when she is lonely and it was hurting her bad. She told me she actually felt at easy after a week when hearing my voice. Well, i saw this coming. So i’m actually feel better than i thought i would be. It is time to move forward. But a part of me just tells me she will come back and **** me emotionally all up. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 But a part of me just tells me she will come back and **** me emotionally all up. She can't do so without your tacit permission, OP. You need to stay out of contact with her now. It's time to move on. There is no future with this girl, even if she does come back. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 She's a nice person who likes you & doesn't want to be the source of your pain. But she's not strong enough to defy her parents & their dislike of you. She doesn't want to do what they want but she will because jettisoning you, although it hurts, is still simpler & easier then going against her family. Be the better person & put her out of her misery. Tell her you understand & that she has to side with her family. Then walk away for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Codww2 Posted November 19, 2018 Author Share Posted November 19, 2018 She's a nice person who likes you & doesn't want to be the source of your pain. But she's not strong enough to defy her parents & their dislike of you. She doesn't want to do what they want but she will because jettisoning you, although it hurts, is still simpler & easier then going against her family. Be the better person & put her out of her misery. Tell her you understand & that she has to side with her family. Then walk away for good. I’m starting to finally understand why our discussion went this badly. She talked to her sister and sister in law. (Both married) They told her that it was a bad idea to date me as i was a member of that specific family. She should cut me loose as her parents would never let her be with me. This never happened untill those 2 started to know we were dating. She has another married sister who lives like 150 km from her. And she was always supporting her, giving her the courage to date with me, telling her it was okay. As she is young she can be brainwashed. I’m not a bad guy and my family isn’t bad, every family has bad people in it. I’m not responsible for what happened 50 years ago... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 As she is young she can be brainwashed. I’m not a bad guy and my family isn’t bad, every family has bad people in it. I’m not responsible for what happened 50 years ago... You're right, you aren't. It's a very unfair situation. However, it is unlikely that you or she would be able to convince her parents to allow this relationship. She seems to know it won't happen so she needs to let go of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Codww2 Posted November 19, 2018 Author Share Posted November 19, 2018 (edited) Is that the only way? She sent me a heart emoticon this morning, i didn’t respond to it.. Edited November 19, 2018 by Codww2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 Is that the only way? Probably, yes. Unfortunately, old grudges are very hard to break sometimes, however unjustified they may be. If her parents didn't want their daughter dating at all, it would have been that much worse (for you and her) if they'd discovered she was dating you specifically. Keep in mind that this might not be the only reason she wants to end it. It likely plays a big role, but she is also young and has little other experience. The probability is high that she still wants to explore and isn't ready to settle down and commit to just you forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 My last dating situation failed due to a similar situation. My family was vehemently against my dating my ex, even though I had the situation fairly under control, and constantly told me stuff about how unsuitable the lady was for me. In the end I couldn't handle the unbridled criticism and my previously excellent relationship fell apart. It's much better for you to experience this at your age than in your 30s. There wasn't any family conflict stuff like you are describing - that sort of conflict is far far worse. I'm glad you are learning this lesson now. Best take what you learned and run, her parents are too old to change their ways. There will be more women to suit your fancy in the future, they just might be a bit hard to find. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Codww2 Posted November 20, 2018 Author Share Posted November 20, 2018 She keeps contacting me... I’m ignoring her, it is hard but i can’t think of a better solution. Link to post Share on other sites
TruthSeeker5 Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 Situations like these causes one to question the point of relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 I can’t believe she isn’t crazy about me antmore. It was just last week that she told me every day that she loved me and can’t live without me... Yeah, but that was before you ruined her vacation and inferred she was promiscuous with strangers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Codww2 Posted November 21, 2018 Author Share Posted November 21, 2018 It has been 3 days since i made clear i didn’t want her to contact me. And it feels like my pain is getting bigger and bigger. Everything reminds me of her. I keep looking at my phone, expecting a text message from her asking how my day was like the old days. But it’s just an illusion. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, but the nights are terrible when i’m all alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 Be patient with the pain man. Journal every day on this forum if you have to. Do happy things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Codww2 Posted November 23, 2018 Author Share Posted November 23, 2018 Yesterday she sent me a text message, asking me what i was doing. I replied and we talked and laughed with eachother. It’s the first time after our fight that i heared her laughing. It seems like she is trying to forget the fight? But we didn’t even talk about the fight and i wanted to clear it out. But i didn’t want to scare her off. I’m waiting untill i see her again next week and we will have the conversation in real life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Codww2 Posted November 23, 2018 Author Share Posted November 23, 2018 Okay, a quick update. I asked her if we could go somewhere and talk next week. She agreed. Any tips what to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 Well you are the man in the relationship here mate, I would still warn you that she can still cancel last minute - but do what you feel is entertaining. You could for example play an escape game or a zipline course. It's your role to lead here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Codww2 Posted November 25, 2018 Author Share Posted November 25, 2018 (edited) Well you are the man in the relationship here mate, I would still warn you that she can still cancel last minute - but do what you feel is entertaining. You could for example play an escape game or a zipline course. It's your role to lead here. Yes i know, and that’s why i actually planned in my head that it won’t happen and she will cancel. If it would happen, i will see what happens. She was telling me that it is actually a good idea to meet up. Because she wants to know how she will feel when she is with me. Will she feel comfortable or not? That’s what she was wondering. But she is a wreck, she texted me yesterday evening about her day and then deletef the messages on whatsapp. And then i told her that it’s childish what she is doing. I can see it anyway when she deletes her messages. And then we talked and i was suprised that she actually could talk about our fight and how she was feeling. She told me that her life is very hard without me and especially when she is alone. She thinks about me all the day. And the only thing that helps to ease her mind is to talk with me. She told me she is hurting and she is sick of pretending everything is fine around her family. But in my view, it doesn’t feel the same anymore. Maybe it’s because she is hurt or maybe it’s because i actually started moving on. It was hard for me, but it seems like i can live without her.. Edited November 25, 2018 by Codww2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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