Nice guy, terrible boyfriend

[lavenderandvelvet]

Gonna try to keep this short. A few months ago I met this guy at a party. Quick version - his behavior was totally mixed signals. I wrote him off as a potential person to date and said yes to being friends. He wasn’t interested. I was uncertain and figured out no way on the dating front.

 

But turns out he is actually a genuine friend. Checks in regularly, does favors, listens, makes sure you have a ride and get home safelt A reallly good friend actually. A+ behavior.

 

But the other con for him is that he has no idea what he wants and tends to lead women on. He is also trying to juggle every ball. He is open about dating and having sex with multiple people. But he is also like I wanna get married and have kids. But he is still in the playing the field stage, not matter what he says to the contrary. But he comes on pretty strong when interested, just isn’t jumping up and down to mention there are 2-3 other people who is courting the same way. So I would not recommend him as a dating partner.

 

And I had a funny convo with him today. Last week I ran into a woman he was dating for about 2 months (he met us at the same time). And to put another reason to say no - he seems to like to invite friends on his dates. And I met them several times, not knowing that was what was happening. They broke up because he thought he wanted something else.

 

So he calls me up and was like hey what was the name of that girl I was dating a few months ago, I can’t find her phone number. #worstboyfriendever

 

We need a review site for men, to warn people.

[carhill]

Either it's a script or he's clueless about sexual relationships with monogamy and romance as potentials, especially the part about getting the name and number of the other girl.

 

OTOH, I've gotten grief for even mentioning a spouse I haven't seen in years, like 'oh, yeah, exW and I went there back in bla, bla, had a great trip'. Stuff like that. Clued me in that continued interaction with that person would be tedious

 

I figure for a guy like that to be getting a lot of dates he hits all the buttons on the women's attractiveness list so they'll put up with more from him than a lesser guy. Classic stuff. He doesn't have to clean his act up because there's always more women to bed and have fun with. Maybe someday he'll meet 'the one' and the rest will keep trying to be the one. I was used to this type of competition for women in my demographic. They were brutal, even the lady I married. Such is life. Good luck!

[smackie9]

Not sure what you are getting at...he seems to be looking for the one but hasn't found her yet. He's just dating, nothing unusual about that...he's been honest with how he is so he's not leading anyone on...I don't see an issue. He's casually dating until he meets that woman that excites him which he hasn't found yet. TBH he's not being anyone's BF. Just because he hangs out and has sex, doesn't mean exclusivity.

[lavenderandvelvet]

Not sure what you are getting at...he seems to be looking for the one but hasn't found her yet. He's just dating, nothing unusual about that...he's been honest with how he is so he's not leading anyone on...I don't see an issue. He's casually dating until he meets that woman that excites him which he hasn't found yet. TBH he's not being anyone's BF. Just because he hangs out and has sex, doesn't mean exclusivity.

 

His behavior is inconsistent with what he says he wants.

 

For example he went out with a twenty-something and was like they are cute byt too young. That’s not what I want. A week later he’s new target is a 20-something. Two weeks later “omg I met someone, she is perfect but she has a kid. I don’t want someone with a kid.”. Two weeks later they are dating. He is getting in his own way!

[carhill]

Sounds like practically every woman I dated and heck even the one I married. Men are the new women

 

He's changing his mind moment to moment based on how he feels, might feel, maybe feels, whatever. His actions and words aren't matching up yet still the ladies are apparently dating him. He's Tom Brady!

[Highndry]

It's called "shallow." I've met plenty of women like that.

[basil67]

His behavior is inconsistent with what he says he wants.

 

For example he went out with a twenty-something and was like they are cute byt too young. That’s not what I want. A week later he’s new target is a 20-something. Two weeks later “omg I met someone, she is perfect but she has a kid. I don’t want someone with a kid.”. Two weeks later they are dating. He is getting in his own way!

 

Sounds to me like he has a concern, then decides that he should at least give them a try. I think his approach is better than those who won’t date X Y and Z and then complains about being single.

[damni]

I find it strange you care so much to post on an forum. Do you like him then?

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Guys who cannot make up their minds are the guys you do not want to spend any energy on. I've come across several guys who did this to me and it's an emotional rollercoaster. There is no need to analyze them because no matter what you do, the situation will leave you in the cold. Forget him, I know how it feels to be drawn in and the hurt that comes from this. There are guys who will commit w/out the games, I promise. My bf committed to me w/out any excuses and has never left me because of not being able to commit.

[ExpatInItaly]

Did you hope he'd be interested in you, OP?

 

I can't see why any of this really matters to you this much.

[Whodatdog]

Im with smackie on this. He's just dating. Whats wrong with that? Seems like you are taking exception with him because you want him interested in you, and he isnt. Sure he wants to be married and have kids, most people do, but they dont do it with just anyone. When he finds the right one, he'll settle down. Until then, he's doing what everyone else is doing, dating and having fun.

[HumanMachine]

You seem desperate for him to feel attracted to you, now you’re bitter he’s not interested.

 

Also hash tags don’t work on this site.

[lavenderandvelvet]

I posted this thread for entertainment value. Not looking for a “resolution.”

 

Occasionally we go out together and someone will ask me if he is a good guy - because they are slightly interested. My answer if yes but he isn’t into monogamy if that is important to you.

[HumanMachine]

I posted this thread for entertainment value. Not looking for a “resolution.”

 

Occasionally we go out together and someone will ask me if he is a good guy - because they are slightly interested. My answer if yes but he isn’t into monogamy if that is important to you.

 

Surely he’s free to do whatever he pleases? If that be in a relationship or have sex with hundreds of people - what business is it of yours?

 

You’ve clearly caught feelings for him..

[ExpatInItaly]

I posted this thread for entertainment value. Not looking for a “resolution.”

 

Occasionally we go out together and someone will ask me if he is a good guy - because they are slightly interested. My answer if yes but he isn’t into monogamy if that is important to you.

 

Eh, that's not really your place.

 

Perhaps he will be into monogamy when he finds a woman he is crazy about. Let him decide that and work it out with whomever he dates.

[Art Anderson]

Your words:

I was uncertain and figured out no way on the dating front.

 

But turns out he is actually a genuine friend. Checks in regularly, does favors, listens, makes sure you have a ride and get home safelt A reallly good friend actually. A+ behavior.

 

That should have been the end of the story. I fail to see why you want to be concerned about a FRIEND's behavior and dump it on the internet like he's a predator/womanizer. There's no 'bad guy' alert to be required here.

 

You put him squarely in the friend category and you seemed pleased with his behavior. Now that you are both buds, you are second guessing every motive he has?

 

When I have friends, male or female, straight and gay, slutty and monogamous, they might share what they are up to but their romantic interests are not something I judge or worry about unless they are harming themselves or the people they are pursuing.

[preraph]

How old is he? If he's under 25, it's likely another 5 years before he really wants to marry and then he'll likely grab the woman of the moment once he's good and ready. If he's over 25, he's still playing the field but one of these days, he'll probably change.

 

I will say this: He sounds like a basically pretty good guy on the things that count once he gets ready to be with one person, which he is not anywhere near at this time. He has qualities you would want in a husband. He's helpful on a domestic level. He sounds like a person with really good social skills who keeps people around and doesn't discard them, though he may forget their names sometimes But that's because he's staying busy socially. He actually sounds like a well-rounded guy to me, but he's just not ready to settle down yet, and even when he is, he can be expected to remain social and not cut off all his old friends he's kept around, many of whom may still be interested in him.

 

So I'm not condemning this guy. I'm just hoping he's under 25 or so because it's normal not to be settled at that age and be still exploring and a big personality like his has plenty to explore. Now, if he's 35, if he's ever going to settle down, it could happen like that if he met the right woman. He at least says he wants to some day. That's more than a lot of guys say.

[Whodatdog]

I posted this thread for entertainment value. Not looking for a “resolution.”

 

Occasionally we go out together and someone will ask me if he is a good guy - because they are slightly interested. My answer if yes but he isn’t into monogamy if that is important to you.

 

You dont know that, it just sounds like you being a sore loser. I dont know too many people into monogamy unless they want to be in a relationship. He wasnt interested in you. You need to get past it. One day he may find someone he wants a relationship with, which may include monogamy. Its not you.