Anecdote about male height and dating

[nospam99]

Discussion has gone back and forth here on LS and in the wider world about how women filter on height when selecting a date or a mate. I've posted before about a documentary I saw on PBS that concluded male height was the primary physical characteristic in female selectivity and my own results of zero response to OLD messages sent to women whose profiles say they are seeking 'taller' men (cf. 30% response rate overall). I had an experience this morning that seems to reinforce that idea.

 

One of my Daily Matches on match.com was a 'familiar face'. I recognized the women as one who I had previously sent a message to on POF. She had read the message on POF (I keep a log) and not responded. I went back to POF to check and found that her profile was deleted - simply gone from POF. Okay - people leave OLD sites whenever they want. So I thought maybe she's trying a different site. POF does not present a 'seeking' height in profiles so there's no way to know what the person wants in the height of a partner. Match.com does present a seeking height. When receiving a Daily Match on match.com, it is necessary to drill into the person's full profile to send a contact message or to find out what height they're seeking. So I did .... I'm 5'8". She's seeking 5'10" and above. Incidentally all the other 'ducks line up'. I take her height requirement as a sufficient explanation for why she did not respond on POF. I didn't bother to send a contact message on match.

[carhill]

OLD, the Sears and Roebuck catalog of date/mate shopping.

 

See also:

 

Consolidated Discussion - A man's/woman's height in the search for relationships

 

Consolidated Discussion: Height in Dating

 

Didn't have the height matching stuff when I was seriously using OLD long ago. Usually first meets told the tale on the physical. Given how detailed things are today, I'd surmise it substantially thins the dating pool of anyone who is very specific. Good thing? IDK. The real life stuff was all over the place. Hard to put into a database. I dabbled with OLD during our D about a decade ago but didn't like the feel of it anymore so left it behind.

[stillafool]

I'm sure there are short girls out there 4'10 -5'4 who will be happy to date a guy 5'8 if he's cute.

[carhill]

Anecdote about male height....

 

Diminutive war vet, 5' 7" and 140 on a really good day, meets and marries willowy airplane builder, dancer and erstwhile model, 5'6". My memory was her being taller than him anytime she wore her heels. They were married for life. TBH, I never got wind of the 'height' thing until 25 years or so ago when the internet hit and everything started to be analyzed to death.

 

How did war vet meet former airplane builder? He saw her in the newspaper modeling clothes, liked what he saw and stopped by the store she modeled for and found out she worked there as a buyer so, being a newly minted accountant at that time, well he needed a closet full of suits so who did he buy them from?

 

Nothing complex.

[preraph]

My old crowd, height wasn't a big factor. There were plenty of taller women dating shorter guys. I think OLD is what makes it a bigger deal because it pretty much invites you to idealize and reject those, but in real life, a lot of women will be attracted to a guy a little shorter than them. I sure was. The leader of our pack was maybe 5'6" and he had women all over him and he liked em tall and willowy. It's all about how confident and overall attractive a guy is. There are plenty of shorter guys who are really attractive. But then if you get one with low confidence, doesn't matter if he's short or tall, he's not going to be attractive. You have to develop worth in yourself and give others some reason to be interested.

[carhill]

Short/tall anecdote....

 

5' 1" woman had three tall husbands with me being the shortest at 5' 11"; her tallest, her 'perfect man' as she used to put it, was #2 (I met him) at 6'2". Interestingly, the guy she replaced me with and is still with is my dad's size, 5'7-5'8" (I've met him) and wiry. Shortest yet. Still a good half foot taller than her.

 

People like what they like and like can change at any time for any reason or no reason at all. However, come to think of it, nearly all the MW's I've known in life were/are married to significantly taller men, 6" taller at least. Only exception is one young couple who are nearly the same height, she is my height and he is 6'1". They were both models when younger.

[snowboy91]

I've never used any OLD sites or apps, but I get the feeling people are a lot more picky about a lot of things including height on those sites.

 

Only a minority of women I know see height as an issue when looking for a guy to date - and the women themselves are fairly short anyway so they have no problem looking. I hear stories of tall women finding it hard to find a partner because she's taller than most guys, but the tall women I know are more than happy to date a guy who's shorter. I think they just accept their height as reality and are a lot more forgiving.

 

One of my exes was taller than me when she wore heels. I don't think she saw it as a problem, but she did only rarely wear heels.

[Gretchen12]

After dating two short guys, I now think it's really cool to be taller than the guy when I'm in high heels. Makes me feel like a queen. I'm 5'4" so I'm usually shorter. So now if I get a shortish guy again, I'd go for the high heels so I can be taller! Also when we go out, my short date gets treated really well by store people and maitre D's because they think he must be confident, he must be somebody, and we get great service.

[thefooloftheyear]

Guys who have "it" aren't affected by this...IME, no woman I know ever had such a strong/stringent requirement.. The only ones I knew that were really hung up on it were either very overweight or unusually tall.. Cant really blame them there.. Perhaps some have daddy issues??, … I just can't recall ever meeting any..

 

They may say it matters, but once they find the a guy that clicks off the boxes, so to speak, that is below that magical whatever number, they let it go pretty readily..

 

I'll go out on a very sturdy limb by saying a typical; 5'3" average sized woman will likely pick a good looking 5'8" guy that has his shyt together over a socially awkward/below average looking doofus that is 5'11" ' tall, just about every time, even if before she met either, she has a "height requirement"...

 

There is another thing to think about …

 

It could be just a way to screen out people without telling them they aren't desirable...Guys do this too,,, A guy can say that he doesn't date blondes, when in reality he may prefer brunettes, but the right blond comes along, then they are good with it...The woman in the OP's scenario, could just use the height requirement to easily weed out those that she finds completely wrong, without going through all the drama.."Sorry, Mr...I don't date guys under 5'10" That leaves the guy feeling less bad about it, as it was something out of his control..

 

OP..can you reach out and ask why she didn't consider you? She may give a BS answer, but maybe its worth a shot, if for no other reason, for information sake..

 

TFY

Edited November 19, 2018 by thefooloftheyear

[5x5]

Discussion has gone back and forth here on LS and in the wider world about how women filter on height when selecting a date or a mate. I've posted before about a documentary I saw on PBS that concluded male height was the primary physical characteristic in female selectivity and my own results of zero response to OLD messages sent to women whose profiles say they are seeking 'taller' men (cf. 30% response rate overall). I had an experience this morning that seems to reinforce that idea.

 

My experiences doesn't conform to your perspective at all.

 

I've simply never lacked for female suitors both aesthetically pleasing and others, that have often pursued me. both short (from 5'2") up through being tall (circa 6'2"), then there have been some men who have expressed an interest as well.

 

I've also been married to an attractive dark haired, 5'7" Sicilian woman (she asked me out on a date etc), for the past 19+ years. Who looks a lot like the Italian actress Silvana Mangano especially when younger.

 

Funnily enough until she was with me, my wife had only dated men who were tall (circa 6" and taller), and she had never asked a man out before.

 

Yet with me she felt especially drawn to me, and knowing another woman at work had just started asking after. Plus knowing I was dating other women, she wanted to try me before she lost her chance.

 

Likewise my dark haired, 5'6" English ex-wife (who pursued me) of mixed French and African ancestry, is also an aesthetic beauty.

 

While my third longest (live in) sexual relationship was with a 5'4" woman who looked like Renee Zellweger in Empire Records. She was rare in being one of the very few women I ever pursued, while also not being taller and blonde as well. Although I did eventually dump her, she was one of the plenty in the 3½ years between my spouses.

 

I prefer to be with women who are taller tham me and have mostly been with exactly that. Yet on occasion I have been with some shorter women, because I sometimes find some of them to be attractive and fun as well.

 

As for me I've always looked similar to Matthew Broderick at the same ages except for having blue eyes, and this is also in terms of weight as well.

 

Yet I am 5'3" and I have always been used to some women both short and tall approaching me, smiling at me, wanting to talk to me, wanting to dance with me, flirting with me, asking me out on dates, asking me to call them and often even propositioning me.

 

This has occurred at parties, clubs, pubs, on public transport, shops, work, social functions and at my home or theirs. All while I have been single, married, separated, divorced and married again.

 

Plus to my surprise the offers and asking still happens, although a little bit less frequently now that I am 47 and fat. My wife even finds it funny that some women still can't help but light up when they meet me, as she did when she met me.

 

I still get a kick out of turning down offers of adultery from some attractive women.

 

It's not like I do anything except be myself, yet throughout my life as a child there have always been some girls and as an adult it has always been some women. That just seem to be drawn to me and are attracted to me, even though I am only 5'3". Not that I consider my height an impediment, since getting to be with women has always been easy.

 

Plus one of my friends he's 5'6 and he's married to a woman 5'8, I am also friends with a woman who is circa 6'2" she's now married to a guy who is 5'4", her ex husband was circa 5'7".

 

I've got an uncle who is 5'2" he's married to a woman who is 5'6" and he was very popular with women in his day.

 

Then there's one of my friends from school he's 5'5" and he is a woman magnet, and he has been with an enormous amount of women over the years. Plus I have a mate who I served with in the Army who is 5'6", he's also never lacked for women suitors either.

 

On and on etc...

 

Now I'm not saying every guy has it as easy as I and some others have had, yet there's a whole lot more that goes into a woman wanting a man than just their height.

 

If all a man has got going for him or against him is his height, then I don't think he's got much to offer anyway.

 

If I were you I would be considering other things like how is my personality, wit, confidence, being forward, charm, sexual appeal and ability combined with who am I picking.

 

As long as you think your height is holding you back, you will find that your height is holding you back. If I thought the same as you, I would also be blaming my height for not getting dates.

 

Fortunately I and some others don't think that way, so I and some others enjoy otherwise.

 

That said have you considered getting out there and establishing sexual rapport, the old fashioned way in person and then going from there?

 

All of that said 5'8" seems tall to me, so...?

[nospam99]

OP..can you reach out and ask why she didn't consider you? She may give a BS answer, but maybe its worth a shot, if for no other reason, for information sake..

 

TFY

 

Granted that, as several of you have pointed out, 'in real life' a woman may CHOOSE to date a man whose height falls into a broad range. But I'm relating my OLD experiences. I'm personally guilty of filtering on several factors, including looks, location, age, and interests. Having been 'around OLD' for a little over a year now and met several women it's clear to me the ladies filter, often superficially, too.

 

Sure I 'could' 'reach out and ask'. But since what the woman in question did when I reached out and asked TO MEET was to read my message and not respond at all, I very much doubt she would respond to such a 'tacky' request to send me a message telling me why she ignored my previous message. After all, 'we' (on LS) already largely agree that most people of both genders will ghost or lie in preference to telling someone why they are not interested in dating them, especially when the real reason is something like 'I don't like your looks'. Incidentally the woman in question says she is 5'6'' and seeking 5'10'' and taller.

[elaine567]

There is another thing to think about …

 

It could be just a way to screen out people without telling them they aren't desirable...Guys do this too.... A guy can say that he doesn't date blondes, when in reality he may prefer brunettes, but the right blond comes along, then they are good with it...The woman in the OP's scenario, could just use the height requirement to easily weed out those that she finds completely wrong, without going through all the drama.."Sorry, Mr...I don't date guys under 5'10" That leaves the guy feeling less bad about it, as it was something out of his control..

 

^^^^ this^^^^

OP

 

It is very easy to zone in on and blame height, but there may be a million other reasons why the woman did not reply to you.

[elaine567]

Incidentally the woman in question says she is 5'6'' and seeking 5'10'' and taller.

And that is for many woman is the perfect height difference.

That allows for wearing heels without "dwarfing" the man.

[Art_Critic]

I'll go out on a very sturdy limb by saying a typical; 5'3" average sized woman will likely pick a good looking 5'8" guy that has his shyt together over a socially awkward/below average looking doofus that is 5'11" ' tall, just about every time, even if before she met either, she has a "height requirement"...

 

At 5'9" I had never once met a woman who didn't/wouldn't date me because of my height...

My wife is 5'5" and I've dated women up to 5'10"

 

I think TFY is right, if height is all you have then they key on that an bounce on that, but if you have more like having your stuff together/good job/self esteem then height makes no difference..

 

I remember the days of OLD and remember the profiles that had the height requirements that started out at 5'10 or higher and I never let those detour me, I just ignored it and went with who I was.. a 5'9" guy that had more to offer than an arm pit to sniff...

 

I think guys today should just ignore it and show the woman who they are and if they get bounced from height then it's the girls loss...

 

I also think maybe some women bounce guys on the height issue because that is what they used to let them down so they didn't try and create a come back.. kinda using height to get rid of the guy knowing they have no comeback to it....

[Happy Lemming]

I asked my girlfriend (who is 5' 6") what would be the shortest man she would date. She told me no shorter than 5' 10", but prefers over 6'. For the record, I'm 6' 1".

 

I don't know anything about the OLD services you are using, but your experience and conclusion may have merit.

 

I think you made the right decision by not messaging the woman on match.

[stillafool]

I don't understand why shorter guys worry about this stuff. There are just as many pretty short women as tall. I've heard most guys prefer short women over tall one anyway. I guess people just want what they can't have.

[thefooloftheyear]

Another thing to consider....

 

I think many women use the height requirement as a way to prevent the women from actually being larger/heavier than the man...That is something I know is an issue for just about ALL women...

 

If you have a typical 5'4ish woman that is carrying some extra weight(average weight of American woman now 170#, btw) a relatively slim 5'8" guy will probably weigh less than her....That will bother her more than the height issue, imo...

 

But if that same 5'8" guy was a muscular/built 180 or 190 or better, than she won't have an issue...

 

Bottom line? It's not nearly as big a deal as some guys say, and the women that say they would never consider a guy less than "X" height, unless they are Amazon types, are usually lying....

 

TFY

[Mrs._December]

I'm sure there are short girls out there 4'10 -5'4 who will be happy to date a guy 5'8 if he's cute.

'Tis true.

 

I'm 5 feet tall and don't like to date guys any taller than 5'8" or 5'9" at the most. Tall men do nothing for me (except hurt my neck when you try to kiss or hug them.

[stillafool]

 

If you have a typical 5'4ish woman that is carrying some extra weight(average weight of American woman now 170#, btw) a relatively slim 5'8" guy will probably weigh less than her....That will bother her more than the height issue, imo...

Y

 

Are you sure? That sounds like a lot.

[thefooloftheyear]

Are you sure? That sounds like a lot.

 

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321003.php

 

 

"American women aged 20 years and above weigh an average of 168.5 pounds (lbs), according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Height-wise, the average adult female is 5 feet 4 inches, and her waist measures 38.1 inches."

 

 

TFY

[carhill]

Yeah, even for people who are fit, women today aren't always the petite feathers our fathers may have been used to. One I know well who goes to the gym daily and runs (leaves me in the dirt when we hike in the mountains) recently lamented she's up to 164 and needs to get back to 150 by Christmas. TBH, I didn't notice at all. She's 5'5". Even at 5'6" and 140 when I was caring for her, my mom was a handful when she'd go off on her psychotic stuff. Strong as an ox and that was in her 80's. She died at about that weight. Didn't waste away like people normally do. Brain died.

 

Makes sense though, the 'protect' subconscious drive that women have when choosing men. Size matters, apparently, to many. Men choose too, in the women they're attracted to and pursue.

[introverted1]

I'm sure there are short girls out there 4'10 -5'4 who will be happy to date a guy 5'8 if he's cute.

 

I'm 5'6" and I've dated guys who were 5'7" and 5'8".

 

Another thing to consider....

 

I think many women use the height requirement as a way to prevent the women from actually being larger/heavier than the man...That is something I know is an issue for just about ALL women...

 

This.

 

I weigh ~130 pounds so it's rare for me to meet a guy who is overall smaller than I am, but I did once have a date who was about 5'4" and maybe 120 pounds. It somehow made me feel huge, even though I'm not.

[5x5]

I don't understand why shorter guys worry about this stuff. There are just as many pretty short women as tall. I've heard most guys prefer short women over tall one anyway. I guess people just want what they can't have.

 

I don't worry about it, since it's easy to get pretty women of any height.

[5x5]

If you have a typical 5'4ish woman that is carrying some extra weight(average weight of American woman now 170#, btw) a relatively slim 5'8" guy will probably weigh less than her....That will bother her more than the height issue, imo...

 

170lbs at a height of 5'4" is quite fat.

 

My 48 year old 5'7" wife who has been pregnant on four occasions (2x kids), weighs 68kg (150lbs) and she is heavier than when we started dating during 1996.

[bathtub-row]

Men getting uptight about this obstacle is like a woman getting uptight about guys being hung up on a particular part of a woman’s anatomy. Look, I prefer tall guys but it’s not a dealbreaker. And 5’8” isn’t that short. Continuing to make an issue out of this is only going to make you miserable. Do yourself a favor and stop trying to fix things that can’t be fixed.