Do you think my ex-girlfriend will come back?

[someonefromsomewhere]

First of all, hello everyone! This is my very first thread here. I'm in desperate need of help. I warn you: what you are about to read will sound pathetic and childish to you. I know it. So please, do not tell me how pathetic and childish I am, because many people have already told me that. I made mistakes, and I acknowledge them. If I could, I would go back in time to change them.And right now, I'm feeling very confused. So please, give me advices and help me, I would really appreciate it.

Anyway, my story is as follows:

 

So, back in May, my girlfriend (or, my ex now) has dumped me.Although we have been dating for 6 months, we were in a serious relationship for 3 months only. I was her first serious relationship, and she was my first serious relationship as well.We were feeling very good, we had good times, and we both loved each other.

Anyway, she dumped me because she accused me that I do not love her and care about her enough. The break up was quite sudden to be honest. We were talking fine one evening, just like every day, and the next morning, I just received a message from her best friend, in which her best friend accused me of "just using my girlfriend" and that "I don't care about her". When I confronted my girlfriend about this, her attitude changed extremely cold, saying things like she feels like I'm cheating on her (which was obviously not true) and that she feels like she worths nothing to me because we meet so rarely in person.She also accused me of cheating her, because she saw me being friends with different girls on social media, she said she feels like she is not good enough for me and that these girls are beautiful and she is not. I, of course, was quite shocked, and tried to convince her that this is obviously not true, if she did not worth anything to me, I would not be together with her, I would not meet her, I would not talk with her all day, and that those girls she is jealous of are just classmates/friends, and that I love her, not those girls, etc. And all of a sudden, she said: "You know what? It's over.".

 

I became really upset, I tried to explain to her that due to my school and work, and especially my upcoming exams, I'm currently not able to meet her as often as she wants, but I always meet her when I have freetime, and once school is over, I will be able to spend much more time with her (there were times when we were only able to meet 2 or 3 times a month, BUT we were in constant contact every day via text messages and/or video calls). Anyway, she dumped me. I felt upset and a bit betrayed, so I did not try to beg or chase her.

 

However, in the following months, I started to miss her more and more. At first I tried to ignore it and maintain NC. But 3 months later, I just could not resist, and I broke NC.

I messaged my ex (she blocked me on Facebook, but not on Instagram) and I wrote a quite long apology letter, in which I acknowledged that I did not spend as much time with her as she wanted, and that I'm very sorry for causing harm to her. I also told her how much I miss the good times we had, and that how happy I was when we were together.

As soon as I sent the message, she immediately answered, but her attitude was incredibly nasty. She insulted me, and she said things like she never loved me, she just fell for my stupid talk, and that as soon as we broke up, she was kissing another guy.She also said that she hopes the stuff she said hurt me, and that I should totally forget her. Again, I was shocked and felt betrayed, especially after she said she never loved me, so I blocked her. However, I made my first mistake: after a few days, I tried to beg to her. Again, she was very cold, although not as insulting as before. She kept saying the same things as before, so I gave up.

 

After a week, I commited another huge mistake (Warning: this will be pathetic. I know. Please do not throw it to my face, I know it was pathetic, wish I could turn it back). I was at a party with friends, and I got quite drunk. I still felt depressed about my ex. And at the party, I kissed another girl while I was drunk, and I sent a picture of our kiss to my ex, saying "Oh sorry, did not mean to send this to you". She became very angry and said nasty things again, and then she blocked me.

 

Three weeks after this, she suddenly unblocked me and started to stalk me on Instagram.In particular, she started to follow me and watched many of my Instagram stories.

She also wrote a message, in which she said she understands that I miss her, but it's over. I just answered okay, and I also apologized for sending that picture to her. After this, she just said it's okay, but she hopes that I forget her.

 

The strange thing was that I noticed whenever I posted an Instagram story, she was ALWAYS the very first to watch it. She did this for a few days, then I noticed she unfollowed me. However, she kept watching my stories after she unfollowed me. I sent her a message jokingly that "Are you spying on me?". Then, she became cold and nasty again, and blocked me. This happened one month ago. Since that, we've been maintining NC.

 

I know she is not over me. She keeps posting stuff on her social media that are obviously about me and our relationship, like quotes, pictures, etc. One day she posted a "Rest in Peace" text and under it was the date when we got together and the date when we broke up. She also posts things that obviously indicate she misses me. I also see her friends keep blocking and unblocking me.

I just don't understand if she still misses me, why is she being so stubborn on trying again? I still have feelings for her and I would do anything to get her back. I feel desperate because I can't do anything, I don't want to break NC again because that would do more harm than use.

 

So, I'm asking you, do you think she will ever come back?

 

Please help, because I feel really bad. I know I made mistakes, and I was childish and pathetic, and I absolutely regret it now, I was not able to control my feelings. Any advices are appreciated, and thank you for reading this long thread!

[ExpatInItaly]

The whole dynamic between you two is immature and you are certainly not the only one who behaved in a childish manner.

 

The problem with these sorts of relationships is that they are often on-off until they finally meet their natural end. So, she might come back. But is she the great and only love of your life? No, not by a long shot. She isn't the one you're going to be with forever.

 

I am guessing you two are still quite young?

[someonefromsomewhere]

The whole dynamic between you two is immature and you are certainly not the only one who behaved in a childish manner.

 

The problem with these sorts of relationships is that they are often on-off until they finally meet their natural end. So, she might come back. But is she the great and only love of your life? No, not by a long shot. She isn't the one you're going to be with forever.

 

I am guessing you two are still quite young?

 

Thanks for the fast answer!

Well, I'm 18, and she's 16, so yes, we're still quite young. I also forgot to mention she even used a very cruel insult, particularly insulting my dead mom. She knows that this is one of my soft spots.

It's just quite hard to move on especially when you know she still misses you but refuses to give a second chance. I also saw her on Tinder but she said she is only looking for friends in her bio.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thanks for the fast answer!

Well, I'm 18, and she's 16, so yes, we're still quite young. I also forgot to mention she even used a very cruel insult, particularly insulting my dead mom. She knows that this is one of my soft spots.

It's just quite hard to move on especially when you know she still misses you but refuses to give a second chance. I also saw her on Tinder but she said she is only looking for friends in her bio.

 

This is terrible. I am sorry she did that. Even at her age, she should know better.

 

You should be questioning why you want to give her a second chance. She is inevitably too immature for a real relationship, as most 16-year-old are. In time, she will grow up but she has many years before she reaches full maturity (the same is true for you, as you are still very young yourself)

 

You will both move on and date others. I know it feels bad now because you have nothing else to compare her too, but as you get older you will see that relationships in the teen years generally have a short shelf-life. You met yours with hers, and it's time to close that door and carry on.

[someonefromsomewhere]

This is terrible. I am sorry she did that. Even at her age, she should know better.

 

You should be questioning why you want to give her a second chance. She is inevitably too immature for a real relationship, as most 16-year-old are. In time, she will grow up but she has many years before she reaches full maturity (the same is true for you, as you are still very young yourself)

 

You will both move on and date others. I know it feels bad now because you have nothing else to compare her too, but as you get older you will see that relationships in the teen years generally have a short shelf-life. You met yours with hers, and it's time to close that door and carry on.

 

Thank you. Yes, you are right. I just hope that one day, even if it takes years, she writes me again. That is the only thing that makes me feel bad, if she will talk to me again.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thank you. Yes, you are right. I just hope that one day, even if it takes years, she writes me again. That is the only thing that makes me feel bad, if she will talk to me again.

 

Speaking from experience, in a few years, you probably won't even care what she's doing anymore. You will have long moved on by then and she'll be a memory from your teen years.

[d0nnivain]

No I don't think she will come back.

 

You have been apart more then double the time you were together.

 

Yes, what you had was intense. First relationships usually feel that way, in part because you don't have the experience to compare them to anything else.

 

Hang on to the fun parts of what you had, as the good memories but resign yourself to the fact that this is over. It was fun while it lasted.

 

You have things to do: school, growing etc. Focus on you. Heal. Move forward. Disconnect from social media. In the long run it will be better for you.

[fromheart]

Also consider the girl you were kissing when you sent the picture. If she didn't consent to you sending the picture to someone else, you shouldn't have sent it.

 

Your ex is a basket case, you've lost nothing. Enjoy the single life while you can.

[fromheart]

I also forgot to mention she even used a very cruel insult, particularly insulting my dead mom. .

 

So why are you even talking to her? This is abusive of her, and quite frankly disgusting.

[someonefromsomewhere]

I just can't believe she is over me so fast. Especially looking at the things she's posting.

[someonefromsomewhere]

Also I'm wondering if she will ever feel remorse about the things she said. Because I do feel remorse of the things I did and I could turn back everything if I could.

Edited November 19, 2018 by someonefromsomewhere

[ExpatInItaly]

Also I'm wondering if she will ever feel remorse about the things she said. Because I do feel remorse of the things I did and I could turn back everything if I could.

 

We can't begin to guess. Maybe, maybe not.

 

It doesn't change the bottom line for you, which is that this relationship has come to an end. Believe me, at your and her ages, you won't be each other's last loves.

[d0nnivain]

If she is so heartless as to say hateful things about your deceased mother, you have to consider that she might not be capable of remorse because she doesn't even know what she did is bad.

 

Get off her social media -- un-friend, disconnect, etc. Stop bothering about what she is posting. If you don't know it can't upset you.

[someonefromsomewhere]

Yes you are right. I am blocked by her everywhere by the way.